Previously, I said I was worried about decline, didn’t want to be on life support if no chance of survival, etc. But I don’t know that I went deep enough on some of them. I know I need a full EoL plan, and I didn’t really add that to my to-do list. There are some things I missed…

I said that I would prefer not to die at home, as I don’t like the idea of being a burden to others and people having to deal with my body after death. Assuming that I die before Jacob and Andrea, I would like to think they would return home to a sense of comfort, not have part of their home be walled off or have to be cleaned and decluttered of machines, and end-of-life detritus. A lot of it will depend of course on circumstances and duration, no doubt. But to the extent that I can plan, I would try to avoid it.

I also need to be further explicit about resuscitation, degree of life support. I’m clear about no ventilator, but CPR? Oxygen tubes? Meds? Most of those I’m reasonably okay with. A DNR instruction at some point, I assume.

The one that throws me for a loop is a feeding tube. There are lots of people with kids who have GTubes in the CP parents group. It feels wrong to suggest that if that is my life, I don’t want it. Yet it freaked me out with my mom, the idea that if she got the tube, she would never eat again. I can’t mentally process that, and my mom didn’t. She knew she had cancer, and she chose to not do the tube (it wasn’t even clear she’d survive), existing on ice chips for 7 weeks.

I think I’m okay with dialysis, but that starts to become a cumulative thing to me. Not sufficient on its own to say “no”, but if I start to be dealing with illness 80% of the day, that’s not likely worth it to me, and QoL starts to become a much bigger issue.

Previously, I mentioned that on my day of death, I would likely prefer Andrea and Jacob plus someone each to comfort them and whoever they would want around. I will have already said my goodbyes, I think, to the extent that I can plan again. Yet one of the questions I never gave much thought to is what I would want around that day for comfort.

Likely not food, or pets. Maybe one of those slide shows of pictures or a shot of various photos throughout my life? And I think a playlist of some sort. Something likely of 70s and 80s music. I don’t know if I want to program it or just let it run. If I do it myself, some early 90s country might slip into the mix. I love the thought if I was with it enough to play a game of something. Or maybe just to hear others playing games nearby. Even cribbage. I want to make a list of things that I would find comforting, so I’ll add that to my to-do list.

Are there any other ideas that you have to suggest?