Okay, I’m not really talking about a witch doctor, just a foot doctor. David Seville (future creator of the Chipmunks) sang the song The Witch Doctor and I like the tune. Sue me.

But I did go see the foot doctor today. A lovely hour in a nice comfy chair talking about all the things that have gone wrong with my feet in the last 40 years.

Well, you see, Doc, it started with an ingrown toenail when I was 17. It got ingrown and then infected, and Epsom Salts weren’t doing the trick. So a local sawbones suggested we rip the toenail off and see what would happen. Apparently, what would happen is the new one would grow back into the exact same pattern and groove, get infected, and put me back in the same place at age 18. Fun for everyone. Oddly, it was never seriously painful, just annoying. But we should solve it permanently, he said, and even though I wanted to try to find some way to mould the skin over the corner that was stuck in a groove, the sawbones suggested we destroy the nailbed. Gone forever, easy peasy lemon don’t squeezy. A year later, I was back. You see, doc, they tried to take the whole nailbed, but they missed some, see…no, literally, you can see it, part of it grew back. Yep, I have a partial toenail on my right foot, on the big toe. Looks odd, not hideous, just odd, and I didn’t care about cosmetics and it had no functional problem. So we left it. It’s annoying to cut or sand down, but well, it’s better than another unnecessary surgery.

Now, over the last couple of years, my left big toe hasn’t liked me much. It is curling on the outside AND digging in on the inside. Plus, well, I’m not very flexible so I don’t do a great job on any of my toes cutting my nails. Sometimes I even catch them with the scissors (OW!). And I occasionally get mild fungal stuff going on when my feet get way too dry.

So it was time to get a professional assessment. Do I need to do anything about the big toe? What’s going on with my old toenail on the other foot? What’s going on with the other 6 toesies that seem fine and the two baby toes that I irregularly butcher? And why are my feet so dry, even if I use moisturizer?

About $100 later, much of which I’ll get back from a health claim, and I’m ground, trimmed, moulded and prescribed.

♫ My friend, the foot witch doctor, he taught me what to do ♫

I don’t think the song will catch on. But he had a lovely student with him from a school in Toronto, former Curtis gal, there on placement for 8w. She expertly clipped all my toenails, worked around the dry skin to clean out any extra skin or toenail scrapings. And then used a grinder/polisher that was super cool to get rid of all the top levels of nail. A very advanced pedicure, if you will. I confess that I’ve always wanted to go for a pedicure but thought my feet were too grody to go, and I was ashamed. Somehow going to the foot doctor is a different vibe, no clue why. Maybe because I was actually DOING something about it.

Funny question — he asked me what I expected / wanted to do and I said I had no expectation. I wanted to know what the options were, what I should be doing health-wise, etc. He doesn’t want to talk about doing anything to the nails until we have an updated A1C number which I’ll get sometime soon with some lab work. I’ll go back to see him in 8w.

In the meantime, some Polysporin on the one toe to make sure the rough and red areas don’t develop anything; plus a fungicide AND a moisturizer to combat whatever’s going on. He said moisturizer alone, which is what was recommended by other “professionals” would only make things worse; equally, the fungicide alone would dry out my skin even more. It needs to be both together in a compound formula. Ah, I see. (I really don’t but I’ll follow instructions!)

Oh, and he might be able to get me the liners for my compression socks! They’re hard to get randomly, but he stocks the same brand. They’re getting a quote for me. 🙂

I go back in 8 weeks, they’ll do a follow-up trim. Alas, the same young lady won’t be there, she’s only there for 8w at a time. As an aside, I found out people doing placements for that short a period usually use Airbnb for accommodations. Cool.

Now, I need to find a compounding pharmacy. And in a few weeks or months, the foot doctor will tell me what I should consider on that big toe. It already looks better than it has in years. That is cause for singing. Shhh, very quietly. People look at you funny if you sing about foot doctors.

Have you ever sang about a foot or witch doctor?