It likely goes without saying that parents get more out of kids than they ever expected, and that is certainly true for me. I couldn’t fathom my life without Jacob right now, how empty it would be in comparison. That isn’t a slam against anyone else, not my wife, friends or family, just a reality. He is the centre of our being.

I like seeing him get taller, so there is the physical growth. Getting out of the carseats I mentioned earlier this month, going towards more independence.

But a bunch of little things happened this week. We tried on last year’s winter coat, the one we’ve had for two years at least for him, and he’s finally outgrown it. Similarly for his snowpants. We already got him a fall jacket, and he’s wearing that this week without a liner, and he has one to get him into colder fall before he switches to the winter one. We already have a new hat for him and gloves. We’ll need new boots likely later this week. Those are small things, but it isn’t something we do often. They are small milestones. We picked up some pants and some shirts while we were at it, and he went in the change room all by himself instead of with Mom or I helping him. Another little milestone.

On a far bigger scale though, he has agreed he needs a bigger desk. Something that Andrea and I knew 8-12m ago, but whatever. He’s agreed. And he wants a monitor and separate gaming keyboard and mouse. He’ll keep using his laptop for now as his CPU, but we’ll add peripherals around it for him.

For both the monitor and the desk, he went online and found what interested him. He compared features, price, reviews, etc. Some of them didn’t have much info, but his rationale for each choice is sound. Maybe not exactly what Andrea and I would suggest, but it’s his decision, and they’re viable. Maybe they work out awesome, maybe they don’t work out great. Either way, we ordered the desk and bought a new monitor, keyboard and mouse today. He’d like us to buy him a full gaming PC too, but I’ve argued him back to trying it the way it is for a few more months and I’m hoping I can extend that to 2y when he starts school. Of course, if he starts playing Call of Duty-type games that have more graphics needs, I might not be able to hold out that long.

But he asked good questions at Best Buy and Canada Computers, he had opinions about what he wanted and didn’t, and overall, I was a trusted advisor/interface for his negotiations to help him get the info that he wanted, but in the end, it was mostly his decision.

And afterwards, I talked to him about things like commissioned sales, things we sometimes have happen when we’re dealing with salespeople who are eager to sell vs. eager to help. He saw that the first person we dealt with at Best Buy was more like “here’s what you should get” before even asking what we wanted vs. the person at Canada Computers who asked us how we would use it, gave us all the pros and cons, dealt with some misinfo I had about GSync vs. FreeSync tech for compatibility, etc. It was why we went to CC after BB…the salesperson at BB “flamed out”, and so we went looking for more help, which was what CC provided.

Yet, even with all that aside, one of the best parts of the day was that Jacob had a long conversation with one of his teachers today. He’s struggling a bit in PE with things everyone else can do and he can’t. Or at least, not anywhere near their level. A test done a few weeks ago was done to be inclusive but accidentally singled him out as not being able to do it…he bombed out at level 1.3, while the next person didn’t bomb out until 24 levels later (3.7, with ten sub-levels in each phase). So we’ve exchanged as parents with the teacher, just conversing about other options for him, and today Jacob told him what he wanted. Which is a milestone of self-advocacy on its own, and was his choice. He didn’t need us to write back on his behalf, he can do that himself in person. Which he did.

But the awesome part was that when he got in the car tonight, he COULDN’T WAIT to tell me about his day. He talked to the teacher and told him what he wanted to do. And then they talked about this, and the teacher told him about that. And then this happened, etc. A whole story from the conversation with the teacher, sharing blow-by-blow with us. After computer shopping, he went into the house, and went STRAIGHT to Andrea to retell it all again.

I sent an email to the teacher tonight to share the “bump” that Jacob had after the conversation, and to basically say, “Nice job, dude!”. That is the second time that he has been superexcited to talk about someone, and both times it was because they knew what CP even WAS. I think we’re seeing some craving there for a CP-type connection, or at least a connection that is direct to Jacob’s experiences.

It’s been a big couple of months for Jacob with back to school, and a new school at that. He’s adjusted to a lot. And he’s handling it well, for the most part.

Being proud of him gives me #MoreJoy. How could it not?

Early on in the pandemic, I went out to the grocery store and kept doing my shopping the normal way. Or what was at least normal then. In person, wandering the aisles. Sometimes being surprised to find some stuff in stock that should have been more difficult (fruit, dairy, bread) while others were empty shelves (toilet paper, the cliché).

But I was having a conversation with a social worker that I seek counsel from professionally from time to time, and she mentioned that her husband had “adapted” to the new reality and was doing it all online with local pickup. In a spurt of energy that week, I “lessened” my external stress and gave it a shot. There were some basic initial logistical issues, but overall it worked.

As time progressed, and things tightened and loosened, I’ve stayed with the pickup. Now, it is practically a well-oiled machine. I can log on to the store as late as 10 a.m., or even noon somedays, and still have pickup that day. What used to be free has been equalized with a fee of $3 through the week and $5 on weekends. I know that’s a deterrent for many people, on top of those who want to pick their vegetables themselves, but I’ve never got “bad” veggies from the order. Occasionally, they make odd substitution suggestions, but mostly I say yes. My needs, as they say, are not great.

I could go in the store again, and I have on occasion. But generally speaking, I don’t care enough to go back in person. Andrea does the general list based on what we’re down on or out of in the fridge, freezer, pantry and cupboards; I add a few things that I want, particularly for lunches, snacks and pop; and then I transfer the list from the app we like (TickTick) to the PC Express website. I could go with the large Loblaws, but I really like the Independent. It makes zero difference since I’m only picking up, but for some reason, I’ve stuck with the Independent. I feel like I’m avoiding the behemoth.

But most of all? It’s easy and it works. There are still quirks, of course. Like last year’s Christmas surprise of six potatoes turning into six BAGS of potatoes due to a combination of a really good sale with inattentive clicking. Most of the time, it’s fine, although occasionally it’s hard to gauge quantities. I was low on various drinks, and so I ordered a bunch today, with double orders on multiple cases. Which made for a large order, and not as much space as I would have hoped. But I added Ginger Ale in one part of the order as I went, Coke somewhere else, a third elsewhere, and the next thing I knew, I had two bins full of drinks alone. In person, I would have cut back and not doubled-up. Online, it’s hard to see how much space your basket takes. Four peppers show up as four items, not one, so overall quantity is not always that telling.

We do lots of things still in person, as the need arises. Mostly clothes, I guess, or some specific electronics. But between Amazon and curbside pickup options everywhere else, I’m willing to continue doing it whenever I can.

It mostly works well, and I like the simplicity of it. And that leads to #MoreJoy for me.

I’m running a bit behind on my #MoreJoy series, and today’s is a bit puzzling, I admit. How could a car seat bring joy?

Jacob’s first car seat was the one we brought him home in. For many people, that transition is simply about coming home. For us? It was about escaping the NICU. And there was drama involved…we didn’t think he would be able to come home that day because he had refluxed during the night, I saw that the nurses had not used the special nipples he was supposed to use, and if we weren’t going to be able to take him home because they didn’t follow the instructions on the chart, I was going to rip someone a new one. Instead, he was fine and we got to bring him home in the car seat that a friend helped us install two weeks earlier. For me, the excitement of that day and the car seat go hand-in-hand.

Six weeks later or so, we were in a relatively minor yet scary car accident and we had to ditch the car seat to be safe, so we bought a new one. No biggie, we got what we needed, and we moved on.

But that car seat also comes with some difficult memories. Jacob had to have contact lenses put in starting at 4 months old. And removed, daily. The first day took us close to an hour to get them both in. By the end of the first week, we had it down to 30m, 15m by the end of week 3, 5m by the end of the month. What does one have to do with the other? One of the ways we got it going early on was to follow the advice of a friend and strap him into his car seat to help immobilize him. The trauma wasn’t fun for us or him, but the feeling of success after a month? It was like graduation when we didn’t have to use the car seat anymore and could just lay him gently on his back on the change table or bed.

Later he graduated from rear-facing to front-facing and later to a larger car seat since he was bigger. Each time, a sign of growth and progress. Our little baby was now a toddler, or our toddler was now a young boy.

Most car seat graduations are generally for size and age, and Jacob has reached the limits of his last one. He really liked having it, with the extra arms and bit of side supports for sleeping, particularly for long car rides, and he has hesitated to give it up. We’ve talked a few times about it and each time he wasn’t that keen. He just felt more comfortable for long periods in it, plus he could sit up a bit higher and see better. He was still officially within the size restrictions, so he was fine, but it is time to graduate.

So a few weeks ago, we took it out to have the car detailed, and left it out for a bit. Then I put it back in for a few days, asked him if he wanted it one last time for the trip at Thanksgiving, and he said, “Nah, I’m good”. He was fine without it, and he doesn’t want to go back, he knows he’s outgrown it. And he knows most of his friends have left theirs behind. He’s excited to ride in the front seat in the future, but he’s not quite big enough for that yet. He is looking forward to getting there though.

For now? He’s done with his car seat phase. I feel like it’s one of the few “throwbacks” to his kid days instead of his “young man” days now that he is pre-teen. And like most milestones that he hits, no matter how small, I’m proud of the man that he is becoming every single day. It’s just a car seat, and we long ago got the value of its purchase, but I feel #MoreJoy that he’s reached another small milestone in his journey.