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Today I choose to give in to pain (TIC00084h)

The PolyBlog
November 17 2020

I skipped blogging yesterday, and as everything in life is a choice, I guess I chose to skip. Last Thursday, tooth of my teeth started to ache — one top and one bottom on the right hand side of my mouth. They were directly above each other, and I thought maybe I had just bit into something wrong and didn’t remember scratching or burning myself. It was a little tender Friday and Saturday, by Sunday I knew that wasn’t the problem. My dentist is closed Monday so I reached out today. With limited capacity during COVID, he can look at it next WEDNESDAY and maybe do something in December. I would say on a scale of 1-10, where 10 has me pulling out my own teeth with a pair of pliers or a string on a doorknob, I probably went to 7 last night. Sunday night was a crapfest for sleeping, but by the time I fell asleep last night, I was so tired, I slept fine until this morning. I was worried about a 3-hour meeting I was running this morning, and an event I have scheduled for Thursday, but when I called their office today, I was initially only about a 4 on the pain meter.

For those who have had tooth pain before, you know why in movies they always go for the teeth in torture scenes. It’s raw, it’s visceral, there is no way to block the pain receptors from firing in your head, they’re already IN your head. You can’t even clench your teeth to get through it, it only makes it worse. On a scale of 1-10, experts online suggest that while it feels like the dial goes to 20, the reality is that it probably only gets to 6 or 7. Last night, I was in the 7 range by perception, and it wiped me out. So much so, I never even thought about blogging my daily choice.

Tonight I have antibiotics and hoping they plus Advil will reduce the inflammation but when I started dinner tonight, it was a sh** show. I tore a piece of bread crust and tried eating a piece that would starve a bird, and my mouth lit up like it was on fire. I was starving and didn’t see a way to eat other than shakes, and I really wanted the texture sensation. I realized I wasn’t setting a very good example for Jacob sitting there, the pain was overwhelming me, but I managed to suck it up for the first 10 pangs or so and by the time that I hit the 10 spot about the 10th time, it started to numb enough to get through dinner. By the time I finished, I actually felt okay. WTF?

Anyway, downstairs to nap my way through the night, and I did okay for a few hours. Then at 11:00 p.m., I must have nudged the sore tooth in my dozed state as I suddenly was WIDE-AWAKE and in pain. I have some calls to make in the morning for potential emergency dental work in the city, I don’t really see an alternative. I know the antibiotic is supposed to reduce everything, and maybe by the morning it will get there, but right now, I’m hitting an 8. Every little while I hit 9 and I have tears streaming down my face.

I confess I haven’t experienced this kind of dental pain before, it’s definitely not normal. I also now know why it is so all-encompassing, it is the pain-that-can’t-be-ignored. Overall, as they say, I’d rather be in Buffalo.

Today I choose to give into pain. I don’t know that I feel like I have a choice, but I’m not finding a way around it either. I still managed to blog but that’s about it.

What choices are you making?

Posted in Pondside Planner | Tagged goals, TIC, today I choose | Leave a reply

Today I choose to break a mental logjam (TIC00083g)

The PolyBlog
November 16 2020

Someone asked me a few weeks ago what “paralysis by analysis” means, and more granularly, what it means when I say I’m a “blue”. For those in the public service who have done the various personality profiles with the Lego Block souvenir, you’ll know that it is a shortcut to thinking about about how various personality profiles tend to act and how best to communicate with them. Lots of people like Meyers Brigg profiles, but I never felt they were very accurate for me. By contrast, the Insights Discovery profile DID work well, and I liked the way of remembering it:

Personality
Matrix
IntrovertExtrovert
AnalyticalAnalytical Introvert
COOL BLUE
Give me details
Analytical Extrovert
FIERY RED
Be brief. Be bright. Be gone.
IntuitiveIntuitive Introvert
WARM GREEN
Show me you care
Intuitive Extrovert
SUNSHINE YELLOW
Make it fun and interactive

While everyone is all four colours simultaneously, and may even switch dominant colours in different situations, I tend to be a dominant BLUE. My wife is TEAL hehehe as she prefers green at times but often defaults to blue. Don’t tell anyone, shh, but sometimes I think she aspires to yellow. At work, in a management situation with bosses, I’m blue and red; with my team, I’m red and blue. At star parties, I look like a yellow. At home, with Jacob, I am often a green.

But blue is my dominant colour, an analytical introvert. In management literature, people frequently refer to “paralysis by analysis” and it often comes in two forms for blues. First and foremost, the pop psych and behaviouralists use it to refer to people having too many choices and not being able to choose. Research has shown, for example, that if you present someone with the options for 50 types of soup to buy, they struggle to make a decision; if you narrow it to 5, they grab and go. Lots of restaurants think huge menus attract more customers for the variety (no mention of the challenge of running a kitchen with that many food choices to stock, cook and serve well), but it often works against them…customers often have trouble deciding because the choices are so different. They’re practically comparing apples to oranges.

The second use of the term is often with respect to policy analysis, where people become so focused on ensuring they have painted a full and complete picture, of say a country landscape, down to the last detail. Is the barn the right shade? Did I get the lighting right under that tree? Should the cow in the meadow be looking towards us or away? Meanwhile, they’re totally failing to answer people who want to know why the barn is on fire, was anyone hurt, who set the fire, how can it be put out, and WHY ARE YOU PAINTING AT A TIME LIKE THIS? The analysis becomes so detailed and granular that you lose all perspective as to what might matter. In business speak, people often respond, “Can we take this up to the 10,000 foot level maybe?”. Pulling back to see what is really important. Where they can have 5 big choices, not 50 small ones.

Enter the domino

For me, I like the “too many choices” idea, but don’t really like the paralysis metaphor for policy as I think it fails to adequately nuance two sub-options. The first sub-option is already above, i.e., too many details. However, a second sub-option is more like domino theory to me. And it is where I run into problems when I’m trying to do a major reorg at home. I’ve already broken a few logjams this year, but here’s an example of a big one that was remaining and how it can paralyze me.

My garage has about fifteen types of things in it, besides a car:

  1. Garbage and recycling
  2. Bicycles or shovels
  3. Lawnmower or snow blower
  4. Tarps (on top of a shelf)
  5. Xmas lights
  6. Garden tools and basic cleaning supplies
  7. Car and bicycle parts
  8. Balls and beach toys for Jacob
  9. Golf clubs and hockey sticks
  10. Tools (manual and power)
  11. Work bench
  12. Astronomy equipment and tables
  13. Spare wood
  14. Toboggans
  15. Ladder

A bunch of them have obvious places to go either by function (garbage, ladder), by season (bicycles, lawnmower, toboggans), or storage in a bin on a shelf (garden, cleaning, parts). The garage is a 1.5 car garage (two if really small and nothing else is in there!). The real question is how to arrange a few key things that tend to be inter-related as well as linked to other domino options inside the house, or shifting things seasonally to the backyard storage shed.

As listed above, I have two bags of balls that Jacob and I have accumulated over the years. Soccer balls, volleyballs, cheap balls for screwing around with, basketballs of different sizes. Do I have too many? Yes. Would I like to purge? Yes. But while I could in theory decide between the four soccer balls, we have played with them at the park all at once kicking them back and forth down a long field with Andrea. It’s more fun kicking multiple balls between the three of us, a sort of quick chaos, than waiting for the ball to come back to you after passing through two other people. Equally, though, there are some balls in there that would be great to use in a pool, if we put one in next year. I love having lots of balls in the pool to play volleyball while we float around. Some with traditional beach balls, some other balls too for a bit of oomph and weight. Soooo, do I purge? When?

I’ve thought of purging the beach toys but it gives us an option for going to the beach, particularly if we don’t have access to the cottage anymore. But not as needed if we buy a pool. Decision and options are still pending on that.

For golf clubs, it should be easy, right? Wellll…Jacob has a set of his own, and he’s likely outgrown them. We didn’t get out this year, and we were thinking of buying him a new set. But now his uncle can’t play anymore, and isn’t much taller than Jacob. It would be a fair option for him with some good clubs. I also have a few “extras” that I tend not to carry in my bag as I have trouble controlling them. When I retire, I hope to play more often, and maybe then I’ll be able to use them. Do I get rid of them? Do I just store them long-term in the shed? Do I see if they are anything Jacob will want when he’s a bit taller? I don’t know. Heck, even for the winter, I would like to put them away in the shed, but there’s an indoor driving range nearby and with us both being at home all day, I was hoping to go to the range after school a couple of days a week maybe. But it’s not clear if they’re going to be open or not. If I put them in the shed, it’s hard to open in the winter. Meh.

Tools should be easy, and for the most part, they are. I KNOW what I want to do! Yay. Except not quite where I’m going to store them in the garage…on existing shelves, new shelves, this wall or that wall? Am I reconfiguring? I have them mostly sorted as part of a purge this summer, which was great. But now I have to “finish” and some of the other options are holding me up.

I have a workbench in my garage. It was a gift from my inlaws, 6′ x 2.5′, nice and sturdy 2×4″ construction. And I love having it, but I’m not a big handyman. I don’t use it that much. Heck, often I use it as a bench to store stuff on and around, not work on it. But I like it a lot and I don’t want to get rid of it. In an ideal world, I would move it down to my basement, and keep it there. Except I don’t really have room for it down there until I finish purging my books. Another domino in the way.

I have my astronomy equipment in an old IKEA wardrobe, 2’x3.5″, and while it keeps everything relatively clean inside from dust, etc., it’s not a great design. Multiple small drawers, I end up piling some stuff. I’d much rather have solid shelves, but I’ve never bothered to modify the box. And now the real dominoes come into play. If we build a pool in the backyard, it takes up the whole yard. If we DON’T do a pool, we’ll put in a trampoline, and I’ll have enough room to do a full observatory. So with a pool, I need to keep my gear in the garage and have a way to move it to the backyard simply and easily. I have a Gorilla Cart chosen that I would use for that purpose, looks great. On the other hand, without a pool, I would store most of my big gear IN the observatory with a lock on the door and locked storage inside. Which option do I need? Depends on if we put in a pool. And if I buy the cart, I need to have a place to put it (either where the wardrobe is now or where the workbench is).

And then we come to a bunch of spare wood that I have for making shelves. I know the layout of my basement for 90% of what goes where. I’m okay with it, I’ve got a good layout in my head. Except for that last 10% where I need some storage for cables, maybe some small office stuff for drawers, a bunch of current papers, some non-current papers (like in a filing cabinet), and I have a very defined space where all this can go for length and two different heights. In an ideal world, I would just build the shelves and layout I need to maximize all that space. But I already have some simple IKEA furniture to put there, and no other use for it. And to be honest, I’m not the greatest of handymen. I can do functional, but it isn’t awesome-looking when I’m done. But if I’m going with my “dream office”, shouldn’t I be willing to pay for the stuff that actually looks nice too? Sigh. Yet I’m talking about dominoes, and the end result is that it would be GREAT to use the wood I have for that; or to use some of it to build a small doghouse cover for my astro cart in the garage so that I can park it in the right spot with my astro gear all in it, ready to go to the backyard, but without risking dust and dirt getting on my astro gear. I have the wood, I know the design, I don’t really have the talents to pull it off, and it takes time.

And the biggest domino of all? I want to actually park my car in the damn garage instead of in my driveway. It annoys me to scrape and brush snow WHEN I HAVE A GARAGE!

This is the way of the analytical blue. I can see how all the dominoes line up, and I know that some of them need to fall first or I’m just putting in place interim solutions that are a waste of time. But the biggest lever in the mix right now is whether or not we’re putting in a pool next summer or going with a trampoline and observatory reno, and I can’t tip that domino yet. I likely won’t know until spring. In the meantime, things have to move.

Breaking the logjam

I needed to break the mental logjam, and while I’ve been letting it percolate for awhile, I just need to make the decision and live with it. It’s not the ideal scenario, but it’s workable and things can start to move. And I can get my car in the garage before the end of the year.

A. I’m ripping out some wooden shelves and putting in two new sets of tall shelves. At the front of my garage, I have a small set of hand-made wooden shelves. I made them pretty roughly, mostly aiming to have a shelf about chest height where I could store bicycles for the winter. There are various toys, balls, beach stuff on them, but it isn’t a great use of space, and I need to just bite the bullet and get good sturdy shelves that go up 6 feet. I ordered two sets from Home Depot, so now I just have to empty the existing shelves, rip the old wood ones out, assemble the new ones, and put them in place. Then I can start finishing sorting my tools and putting them on there in well-labelled bins.

B. I’m putting a pin in the observatory option, as I have repeatedly before. Instead, I ordered a good cart to transport all my equipment from the garage to my backyard rather than having to make a whole bunch of trips to lug it around. I debated heavily the idea of the “cover” for the cart in the garage, and while I have some ideas for the future, more for short-term coverage than long-term coverage, I’m going to upgrade my IKEA wardrobe with some sturdy shelves of my own design. They’ll be functional, they’ll work easily, and I don’t have to worry if they don’t look super special, because the wardrobe doors will cover them when closed. But it will be a LOT more functional than what I have now. I think, but am not 100% sold yet, that I’ll be able to get rid of a smaller “side” wardrobe too. I’ll need to store the cart in the garage, but I have an option for that too.

C. I’m going to shift a bunch of stuff in the garage. I’ll keep the golf clubs that are in bags in case the dome opens, and move the extra ones to the shed. I’m going to get rid of a bunch of extra wood I have, as I have everything in the house “built” where I need to have stuff built already, so there’s no reason to hang on to it. It’s good shelving, and I’ll use a bunch of it for the wardrobe, but I’m jettisoning the rest of it and it will give me lots of room to hold balls and beach stuff that can stay in the garage

D. I’m going to (temporarily) disassemble the workbench. I would love to move it as is to the basement, and I have a potential option to do that, but I’ll have to check a couple of things first. Otherwise, I’ll take it apart, move it to the basement, and reassemble it when I’ve got the rest of the basement finished and the books purged.

E. I’ve decided what I want for storage in my last 10% of the basement. Part of it is a bookshelf (new), part of its an existing drawer unit from IKEA, and another is a filing cabinet option from something Andrea is repurposing from the office upstairs. It’ll work, and it fits the space. No need to break out the power tools and sacrifice the look, and it allows me to tip the “wood stock” domino and purge it from the garage.

F. Much of the other options stay where they are. Garbage and recycling, tarps (albeit tied up), Xmas lights, garden tools and cleaning supplies, car and bicycle parts, toboggans and my ladder.

Today I choose to break a mental logjam for my garage setup. Or at least to make the decisions and form a resulting plan. I still have to implement all of it. Gulp. On the other hand, I did find time today to also write a long post, work on some trivia options for work, and clean two out of the four bathrooms in the house. All while fighting a sore tooth in my mouth that is giving me a headache but my dentist isn’t open until Tuesday and I don’t really have a lot of time to worry about it this week anyway.

What choices are you making?

Posted in Pondside Planner | Tagged goals, TIC, today I choose | Leave a reply

Question: Who do you owe? (Part 2 – Supervisors and bosses)

The PolyBlog
November 15 2020

Just over a week ago, I wrote a post based on a question in a book that I have, and the question was:

Who do you owe in life that you can never pay back?

Since I’m an analytical type, I immediately started thinking of “who” in terms of categories, and teachers was an obvious first choice that wasn’t too emotionally-charged and relatively easy to do. I had two elementary school teachers, both of whom have passed on; three high-school teachers and I think two might be still alive, but can’t find much of a digital footprint for them; two undergraduate professors who I reached out to in order to say “hi” and “thank you”, and I just heard back from one who is now retired but still going strong; a law professor who taught me almost 30 years ago at the start of her career who is now semi-retired and who confessed, not surprisingly, that she didn’t remember me but still said hello; a graduate coop advisor; and two professors at Carleton, one who passed away earlier this year and another who is still actively teaching, remembers me (it was only 15 years ago) and invited me to join one of her online forum discussions! One more is through a MOOC course, and she is young, attractive and teaches academic stuff related to programming and video games. Like many in that field, I suspect she hides her digital footprint post-GamerGate and it might seem stalker-ish for me to track her too hard just to say, “Hey, liked your course, thanks!”.

For part two of my little mini-series, I thought I would reach back to think about my supervisors and bosses. I wrote a huge series about the jobs I had previously, and I don’t want to repeat that of course (What I learned from my previous jobs part 1/) . But it also gives me a starting point to think about my bosses or supervisors in that time.

A. Paperboy — No one, really. There were people at the paper but they seemed really distant. I could argue my bosses were my customers, but that’s a stretch.

B. Dishwasher — It was just one night, and I didn’t really know the boss. In a way, my brother was my supervisor and he gave me no useful perspective for the night…I had no idea that I hadn’t done a terrible job, but instead had done more work than most do. I felt like a failure, and in a way, that has inspired me to always be overly concerned about what feedback my teams get from me, or that they THINK they’re getting from me.

C. Telemarketing — No training, here’s your sheet, go. Pass.

D. Serials Assistant at the Bata Library — Well, this is a hard one, I had LOTS of bosses. My direct supervisor Barbara was warm and caring, but with a bit of a hard side (she was a union official) and I liked her a lot. She gave me room to do my thing and to get to know people around the Library. Helen was happy to have help, Marie was a bit difficult to work with at times, Anna I didn’t really get to know as the big boss. But Helena was not that much older than me, and a bit of a mentor to show me what I could do with my degree. A real job in a sea where I didn’t really know what university-educated people “did” with non-professional degrees. I think almost all of them have passed away now, but they were my first “work family”. I seriously considered trying to get a job in the Library when I graduated rather than going for an MPA or LLB or even work in government. I liked them a lot. My debt is three-fold. First, after growing up in a household where my father railed against the idiot bosses he had at the factory that never knew anything, I realized my bosses were real people, not faceless, nameless drones. Second, it was the first time I knew that bosses could be friends. And third, I learned that I was a bit different in how I worked and they both let me and helped me figure that out.

E. Assistant to the Treasurer — I helped the Treasurer of a nursing association, and she let me do as much as I wanted to do. Whatever I wanted to take on, she was willing to let me do that, to trust me. That’s a pretty good legacy.

F. Computer lab assistant — I never really knew who my boss was. Sure, I had people who did scheduling and gave me the ten-cent tour, but then I never heard from them again. Weird. One of the instructors who used the lab on a night when I was working taught me about gratitude with coworkers…I went above what she expected and above what others in the lab did, and she was grateful for it. Another notch that maybe I worked a bit differently than others. The legacy is that I try to show that appreciation to others I work with who go above and beyond.

G. IT Support (internal) — I can picture the faces of my three supervisors, and I don’t remember their names at all. They sent me out on calls around the university helping faculty and staff with IT issues. Another “job” that I wondered about doing long-term. It wasn’t that challenging but I loved being the one to go in and help people solve a problem, leaving them better off than when I met them. I don’t know that I feel a deep legacy, but I learned about what I liked.

H. IT Support (internal and external) — This is, in part, one of the same bosses. And the legacy is that they gave me room to figure out how best to run the office. As long as it was “running”, they didn’t care if it was chaos behind the scenes but it made it hard for all of us. So I took it on, changed some things, and rather than being upset with us, they were like, “Great ideas”. Another decent legacy in trusting the people who are doing the job to know how to do it better.

I. Law Co-op Student — I was a law student for a summer and fall at the Ministry of Education in B.C. It was my first “real office job”, in my career. My first GOVERNMENT job. And the legacy was immediate. I was relieved to see jobs in government that I wanted to do and COULD do. I worked for an Director, Peter, who was the big lawyer for our legislation and policy unit. Lots of briefs of Ministers, ADMs, etc. Then there was the Assistant Director, and he was the old hand. He knew how all the different parts worked. He was human, he was fun, he was a thoughtful boss. I’m distressed I can’t think of his name at the moment. I remember his last name had a double letter and that’s it. And then Diane, my direct supervisor and the lead policy person. I not only wanted her job some day, I wanted to BE her. I saw real world jobs that I wanted. I hadn’t been wasting my time thinking I wanted government but really not knowing what their day-to-day jobs looked like. Their legacy was both that I was good at government stuff (they hired me on and wanted to keep me, something they hadn’t done with previous students) and I had a path forward, a vision of my potential future.

J. MPA Co-op Student — My first 8 months at Foreign Affairs was as a co-op student, and I had basically four bosses. Ken, the Director was a very big, tall, lumbering man who laughed loud when he was happy and shouted loud when he wasn’t. Mostly he was happy. There was Ian, the senior policy guy, and other than having him approve stuff or going out in large groups for beers, I didn’t have much direct contact with him. My policy boss was Jim, and he was a great guy to have as a first boss. Not a micro manager, not a lot older than I was (although he HAD done his first posting already), and he trusted me to do things he assigned or come back if there was a problem. And Marilyn. I loved Marilyn. I didn’t see myself yet as a policy guy, more interested in admin, logistics and finance, and that was Marilyn’s job. She was the finance person for our big division, and so I was initially hired to help her and Jim get some program outreach done. I got sucked into policy work after three days, and logistics awhile after that, so Marilyn and I were often in/out of each other’s offices regularly. She too left me to do my own thing and trusted me to manage stuff. More importantly, she took a lot of time to answer my questions. She was my first real “mentor” and I learned so much from her about how government actually works…HR, finance, contracts. She passed away a number of years ago, and I still get the desire to chat with her about stuff. I’ll get an itch to discuss something with someone, and I think, “Marilyn would know the answer to that!”. That legacy runs pretty deep with me. I think, in part, it is why I make time for others when they ask me questions about HR, finance, etc. Because she did with me.

K. Contractor — I spent another 19 months at Foreign Affairs on varying forms of contracts. My Director stayed the same, and I got to see more of what he did with his day. Most of the Foreign Affairs managers acted like super desk officers all of their life, as far as I could tell, and I knew if I ever became a manager, that wouldn’t be me. I couldn’t articulate it, but it didn’t seem “right”. I learned more from Marilyn, I had a few other bosses go through (Phil, Michael, Cliff, Dan). But my best supervisor was Julia. I definitely reported to her, and she was definitely older than me, as they all were, but she didn’t treat me like a student or an inferior. She made me feel like an equal. We became friends too, and I babysat for her one night even, visited her in China. We’ve drifted apart and that saddens me. But one of the most endearing legacies I have from that time as a contractor was my friendship while working with her.

L. Temp — I worked for four months as a temp at CIC and my boss was Blake. He was great. He trained me with everything he had about contracts, and while the life of a temp is never glamourous, he treated me like a contractor he was going to have for years. I’ve tried to honour that legacy with my own teams. They may be passing through, but I’ll fill them up while I can.

M. Contractor — I went back to Foreign Affairs, and over the course of the summer, there had been a significant regime change. New deputy director, Jamie, and a new director, Ken. Ken was awesome. The type of thoughtful person you would always want as your boss. Good sense of humour, calm, reassuring. A great leader for the times we were in, at least for my side of the shop. Not sure how good on some of the other issues, as not everyone was happy, but I was. And their real legacy was giving me a term. 🙂

N. Term IS-03 — I became a term information officer at Foreign Affairs, with Ken as the Director and then DG, a new director Jim came in, my deputy director Jamie was still there, and I had Michael and Frances sharing me as a resource. Frances for comms, Michael for logistics. Overall, it was good. It is hard to point to something as a specific legacy, at least not in a positive light. Much of it was just good times during lots of late nights. I got to tour the country, got to sit in on important meetings, and generally I liked my jobs more than I liked any of theirs. I didn’t really want to be the big policy guy, I liked running things behind the scenes. I liked logistics. One legacy is more negative…I saw some behaviour from one manager that I never, ever want to emulate. Ambition can be a fickle mistress and blinds you to how you treat others at times. Years later I had the chance to return the behaviour in kind and I took the high-road instead. I didn’t want to be like them. Lots of people never see that lesson, I guess, so I’m somewhat grateful I could.

O. Desk Officer — I became permanent (yay!) working in the multilateral branch at CIDA. I worked for a bunch of people in the unit as the “junior” person in the team, including a fantastic boss, Roger, that I never heard anyone say a bad word about, just a lovely, lovely man. Everyone thinks of him and the word integrity just comes to mind. Margaret was a sea change in approach, and quite bright, but I saw how her personal style rubbed a lot of people the wrong way and made things more difficult as a result. People would die on a hill for Roger even if they thought he was wrong on something; nobody was dying on a hill for Margaret, unless it was friendly fire. It’s hard sometimes to remember that sometimes life at work is tough, it’s not all fun, and she had a difficult job to do that not a lot of us appreciated her approach or direction. I worked for Ginette, Claude, Ardith, all quite good in different ways. And I became friends with Daniele, a little fireball. But of all of them, I think my last legacy was working with Roger on stuff and seeing what DGs do, how they handle things. They all showed a lot of trust in me and gave me files well above my pay grade to try and manage. In their care, I formed the nucleus of the officer I became and remain, I travelled to other countries, I represented Canada at international meetings. It’s a hard legacy to repay.

P. Desk Officer — My next stop was in the Caribbean Division at CIDA for a short six months. My Director was Paul, but my main supervisor was Cam, plus some theoretical analyst duties for a senior policy analyst whose name I am blanking on tonight. It was a good experience, but the time there wasn’t a raging success for me, and the legacy is mostly that I confirmed what I had already suspected. I didn’t want to manage development projects on a bilateral program. I missed the policy and corporate work. I might have always wondered “what if…” without that experience, but with it, I realized where I wanted to be.

Q. Policy Analyst — I worked for two directors, Daniel and Christine, during my three years in the Policy Coordination division of CIDA. While the biggest legacy of the job is that I met my wife (!), my bosses gave me amazing opportunities including the chance to act as a manager. With their help, I supervised other staff, hired an ex-VP as a consultant, ran logistics for international meetings with Ministers, approved Comms materials for the branch, and generally became a Mr. Fix-it in the branch. I was in the policy coordination unit, but I frequently was given tasks by our DG or ADM around corporate planning and similar files. Between all of them, I learned to be a manager and I learned how to manage large corporate files in a complex environment.

R. Senior Policy Analyst — I mentioned earlier that working in the Caribbean Division showed me the “path not taken” and convinced me I didn’t want to be a project manager on a bilateral program. After Policy Branch, I moved for 8 months to the Deputy Minister’s Office. It should have been my dream job — high-level, you see everything, lots to do. But the lasting legacy was I saw how little time you got to spend on any one file. Most of the time you had to pick small battles to win while the war waged on around you. At times, it could feel like moving paper with no real impact. And I realized again, it wasn’t what I wanted. The DG, Susan, and an EA Director, again, blanking on her name, helped me a lot in the 8 months figure out what I wanted. I also got to spend time with a lot of senior executives, including the DM, and to see amongst all of them, which traits I liked and which ones I didn’t. I hadn’t realized as much until that time how much their individual strengths or weaknesses show up in a large room of their peers.

S. Manager — I became an official manager in International Relations at Social Development Canada, and my boss, Bob, was one of the nicest men I have ever met in my life. I liked his outlook on life, and while he was close to retirement and a Director, he put up with a lot of noise and chaos above him. The legacy I got, aside from wishing I was as calm as Bob, was that I didn’t want to be part of that upper chaos. I’d be remiss though not to mention that my lasting memory of his boss, Deborah, is that she used to bring cookies for people regularly that she made herself. Just a hugely warm person. One of the warmest “greens” (intuitive introverts) I have ever met.

T. Manager — After International Relations, I moved to Strategy and Integration to work for a previous boss, Christine. I worked my butt off for 19 months and at the end, I was burnt out. She was trying to help me, and it wasn’t the help I wanted, but it was all she could offer in the environment we were in. Her boss, Allen, was more timid than I thought he should be, partly as he worked for an ADM that scared the crap out of everyone. And we all suffered for it. Yet I wasn’t afraid of him. In the 19m that I worked on those files, the most engaging conversation I had the entire time was with him when the others felt he was eating our lunch. I thought it was awesome. I ended up with three lasting legacies … first, not to become emotionally invested in my files, although it would be hard not to on the type I was doing; second, not to scare people from telling you what they really think or to be afraid to tell someone senior they’re off track if you have to; and third, I pushed away from them towards corporate planning files that I’m really good at and enjoy doing.

U. Manager — After S&I, I did Corporate Planning for 9 years. Yep, nine years. The job changed around a lot in there, with multiple directors (Benoit, Gaby), multiple DGs (Lori, Alexis, Michel, Catherine), and multiple ADMs (Karen, Paul, Louis, Frank, Rachel). Of the eleven executives that were above me during that time, and I may have missed a couple in there, nine of them were really good experiences, and the other two, while not awesome, were not negative either. Ultimately, the lasting legacy is that I learned I was good at my job, I learned how to manage upward and brief them appropriately, and I learned how to manage a larger team, sometimes with direct supervision and a lot of time flying solo. I’m comfortable either way.

V. Manager — I gave up a great job to try something new in pensions, and it was good to stretch my wings, even if the outcome didn’t turn out as well as I had hoped. The DG was good, but it was not the same open management environment I had enjoyed previously. I took the job not knowing who my Director would be, and while I used to think I would and could work with/for anyone, and have always had that from my past, I couldn’t find a way to work with my Director. I saw behaviour that was inexplicable, I saw behaviour that went way over the line for me on ethics. In the end, the lasting legacy for me was that I could not be happy in such an environment. I lasted 9 months and that was about 4 months longer than I should have stayed.

V. Manager — I moved back to Skills and Employment Branch and worked for two bosses, Gordon and Stephen. I knew both previously, and had no qualms in working for them. Like Roger way back above, they are both strong on integrity and working for them was a breath of fresh air. Gord shared with me some of his lessons learned from a lot of years in the public service, including in the DM’s office, and it is a lasting honour to have worked for him. Stephen and I have worked together from different parts of the organization for a long time, and as he had a short-term project to do that fit my skills set, I was happy to do it. I loved working for him, I learned from him as I always do, and he has forgotten more about corporate management than I will ever know. However, I think the lasting legacy from the project was that despite the best intentions from all those involved, sometimes higher powers decide your outcome for you and your anticipated result gets watered down considerably. Sigh. A painful legacy, and not one we could control.

W. Manager — CURRENT: I am in a new job in Apprenticeship since about 18 months ago, and it is still evolving. I am working with good people, and I like what we’re doing. Changes in the past two weeks make me think that I am likely to stay in the current job now until I retire, partly as about 30% of my job is about to change for the better. It’s way too soon to know what legacies I will derive from Chris, Mona and Jacinthe, or if there will be others in the mix before I retire.

A concluding thought

I confess this post didn’t hang together as easily as the previous one about teachers. It is hard to separate out what I gained from them vs. what I gained from the jobs themselves. But I guess I would see some common threads:

  • The importance of integrity;
  • That bosses are people, not faceless drones, and some can be friends;
  • Behaviour that I want to emulate as a manager — trust, mentorship, staying calm, clear feedback, opportunities, gratitude,
  • Behaviour that I want to avoid as a manager — micromanagement, over-reactions,
  • To trust in my own abilities, both as a manager and as an officer;
  • That I like large corporate files in government;
  • That I like HR, finance, logistics, planning;
  • That not all bosses are created equal; and,
  • Not all plans survive engagement with the enemy, and we can’t control the outcome.

As with my teachers, all of the ones mentioned above have nudged me in different ways with their examples.

Posted in Health and Spiritualism | Tagged goals, questions, spiritualism | Leave a reply

Today I choose to counsel the cub (TIC00082g)

The PolyBlog
November 15 2020

My son had a bit of a rough week, which is about par for the house. He’s been struggling with anxiety a bit more, and behind on his schoolwork, and it came to a head on Tuesday night with him being behind on a large number of things, or at least it appeared so. He wasn’t the only one in his class, but that doesn’t solve the problem much. By the end of the week, he was all caught up more or less and taking the weekend to regenerate.

Except he played online chess this morning and he kept losing. While he is not a gracious loser all the time, he normally doesn’t get too upset about it but today it was the last straw. And when he didn’t get instant comfort from Mom to validate his reaction, he lost it. Which put him in pure timeout in his room by himself.

I gave him about 15 minutes to calm down and then we had a long conversation. He knows about different personality types and the way people react to stuff, but today I talked to him about our energy levels for different things. He is a warm green (intuitive introvert) while Mom and I are generally blues (analytical introverts), and while we both respond to analysis, details and frameworks when something bugs us, he needs to be comforted and mainly validated that what he is feeling is natural, understandable and that we care, and generally without offering perspective or solutions. His brain won’t hear them as anything more than denial of what he is feeling. And it’s hard in the moment to remember that is what he needs and generally will always need.

The conversation came later when he was calmer. We talked about how all of our energies for different types of activities (analysis, leadership, socializing, family) go up and down with seasons, weeks, even within days, just as our physical energies go up and down during the day after food or naps. And that overall, over the last 8 months, COVID has been gently pressing down on everything, lowering the peaks and deepening the valleys of our cycles. It was a lot to throw at him but with his strong green, he’s going to need to understand it if he’s to protect his emotional/empathetic side from killing him daily. He can wear his heart upon his sleeve, and I love it about him, but he also needs to learn some self-protection and self-management skills. It mostly worked to help him take a big step up in his cognitive understanding, and I had examples of how things that have happened with me that he has witnessed and experienced were tied to what I was talking about. Things as simple as him wanting a game, and that in trying to talk to a Blue, the best thing he could do is show me the description, show me the price points, show me comparisons, etc. Show me the details, not try to appeal to me that is the most fun since someone played catch with a piece of fruit.

Today I choose to counsel Jacob and give him some hard-won lessons from my life, things I believe in. Will they help him? Only time will tell, but he seemed comforted by it today without being overwhelmed.

What choices are you making?

Posted in Pondside Planner | Tagged goals, TIC, today I choose | Leave a reply

Lost – Season 3 (TVR00020) – 🐸🐸🐸🐸⚪

The PolyBlog
November 14 2020

Overview

While the first two seasons were watchable, I felt the show really hit its stride this season, with the third best season of the series.

Episodes That I Liked

There were five episodes that I ranked 5/5, four of them with a “heavy” Desmond role in them dealing with time-travel and trying to prevent Charlie’s death: Desmond feeling the weight of his pre-cognition (E08); trying to save Charlie while Claire is trying to figure out what is going on with them (E12); Desmond faced with endless choices where none of them seem right (E17); and Charlie remembering his five greatest memories (E21). The other “5/5” was early on with a prison break where Juliet is ordered by Ben to help (E07).

I ranked nine episodes as 4/5, including Eko looking for his brother (E05); Kate’s romantic history (E06); Jack living with the enemy (E09); a history of Hugo’s luck (E10); Locke playing chess at a new Dharma station (E11); Locke dealing with his father’s betrayal (E13); Juliet’s backhistory is pure and clear until the Island (E16); and the two-part season finale (E22 and E23) with the visit to the underwater station.

Episodes That Were Watchable

After you get through the fourteen episodes above, the rest were all 3/5 for me: Jack meeting Juliet (E01), Sun lying to Jin (E02), Hugo having déja vu and understanding Desmond (E03); Desmond trying to save someone (E04); a “lower decks” storyline about diamonds (E14); Kate making a friend (E15); an ultrasound for Sun (E18); a bad day at Black Rock for Locke’s father (E19); and Ben basically being Ben (E20).

Episodes That I Didn’t Like

I liked them all, the season rocked.

List of Episodes from Season 3

S03E01A Tale of Two CitiesHello Juliet! Nice to meet you, even if it’s
in a cage
🐸🐸🐸⚪⚪
S03E02The Glass BallerinaSun lies to Jin and he knows, but he wants to
help anyway
🐸🐸🐸⚪⚪
S03E03Further InstructionsLocke gets a new vision and Hugo gets
déjà vu
🐸🐸🐸⚪⚪
S03E04Every Man For HimselfDesmond’s trying to save someone, Sawyer
says he only wants to save himself
🐸🐸🐸⚪⚪
S03E05The Cost of LivingEko is looking for his brother and Ben makes
a deal with Jack
🐸🐸🐸🐸⚪
S03E06I DoKate says yes to a husband, Sawyer and Juliet🐸🐸🐸🐸⚪
S03E07Not In PortlandIt’s a prison break with Juliet ordered by
Ben to help
🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸
S03E08Flashes Before Your EyesDesmond’s feeling the weight of the past,
present and future of the Island, Penny,
Eloise and Charlie
🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸
S03E09Stranger in a Strange LandHe walks among us but he’s not one of us,
or at least that’s what the tattoos say
🐸🐸🐸🐸⚪
S03E10Tricia Tanaka Is DeadHugo’s luck comes at a price and he wants
to change it with a win or a bus
🐸🐸🐸🐸⚪
S03E11Enter 77Locke plays chess with a computer and
winning isn’t good
🐸🐸🐸🐸⚪
S03E12Par AvionClaire wants to send some airmail🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸
S03E13The Man From TallahasseeA rescue attempt for Jack doesn’t go
as planned and Locke revisits his
father’s betrayal
🐸🐸🐸🐸⚪
S03E14ExposeRazzle Dazzle, Nikki and Rosencratz are dead🐸🐸🐸⚪⚪
S03E15Left BehindHugo tells Sawyer to make amends while
Kate makes a friend back in the day and
it isn’t Juliet
🐸🐸🐸⚪⚪
S03E16One of UsJack says Juliet’s one of them, but the others
think she is one of THEM, and Juliet reviews
her life choices
🐸🐸🐸🐸⚪
S03E17Catch-22Desmond is faced with choices, and none of
them seem right
🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸
S03E18D.O.C.Juliet takes Sun for an ultrasound🐸🐸🐸⚪⚪
S03E19The BrigLocke and Sawyer both have issues with
Locke’s father
🐸🐸🐸⚪⚪
S03E20The Man Behind the CurtainHow very Psycho of Ben🐸🐸🐸⚪⚪
S03E21Greatest HitsCharlie remembers his greatest memories
before attempting a daring end
🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸
S03E22Through the Looking Glass Pt 1One if by sea, two if by land, three if underwater🐸🐸🐸🐸⚪
S03E23Through the Looking Glass Pt 2No flashes doesn’t mean we know the outcome🐸🐸🐸🐸⚪

The Bottom Line

A mature show hitting its stride.

Posted in TV Reviews | Tagged lost, television, tv | Leave a reply

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