The twelfth item on my vaguebooking list was “12. Twelve steps to take”. I am not quite sure what to make of this commitment, to be honest. I started it two years ago, and it kind of fizzled on me. The goal was to come up with 12 questions for myself and what I believed spiritually. I started on the first one, ended up down a rabbit hole of disconnected tangents, and I didn’t get too far.

I want to return to the work that I started two years ago, answering one question a month approximately, and to ask myself, “What do I believe?”. To what end, I’m not sure. Just perhaps to know myself better. I’ve had my “faith” tested at different points in my life, and I often know what it is “not”, more so than I know what it “is”. Maybe I’ll just end up down a rabbit hole again. But we’ll see. Overall though I suspect this “small” commitment will end up being way harder than the 500,000-word commitment, as this one will require me to ask some fundamental questions of myself and to dig deep emotionally and spiritually, not intellectually, to find whatever truths are hiding deep inside. I’m thinking of combining it with an online course in comparative religions, although I’m unlikely to find myself a spiritual home in any organized religion, it isn’t the way my faith is wired.

When I do those “online tests” to find which religion is closest to your views, Judaism and Wiccan come up as the best matches. Don’t ask, I don’t know how those two are linked. I know the first gets flagged because I care little as to whether Jesus was an actual son of God or a metaphorical one yet strong prophet (making me a pretty weak “Christian” in the normal sense, although I agree with most of the catechism lessons/morals/ethics), and I think the second one comes from a strong sense that there is something more universal in the literal sense of the word, that we’re part of a giant cosmos connected through energy flows.

One way to find out — commit to the quest!