After the simple rituals I mentioned earlier, the second tier of rituals relies on the work of social engineers. All of them tap into your social network of family and friends, maybe even acquaintances, maybe even people you haven’t met yet, and up the ante of “not” doing your goals to increase your personal accountability.

Weight loss programs, for example, often combine a host of social engineering tricks. For those who have struggled with their weight, one of the biggest tricks is a public announcement. You state not only that your goal is to lose weight … dun dun dun … but also what your current weight is (perhaps) AND the size of the loss you want to achieve.

This can be a very complex issue with many people recommending extreme caution if you use “public” pronouncements for your goals. For example, in weight loss programs, it can be great if stating a public goal actually motivates you towards your goal. Except weight loss is not necessarily the true goal — being healthier is the real target. So someone who does an extreme diet might “make their goal”, but it might not be a good thing. Think of all the unhealthy food disorders out there, often tied in with body-shaming. A public announcement can be powerful, even empowering, but if you subsequently fail to achieve your goal, will your motivation and self-esteem go the other way? Or will the commitment itself skew you to the extreme?

Most experts come down on the cautionary side of using public announcements only for goals that have very little gray area around it. For example, rather than setting a weight loss goal, if you wanted to set a goal like a Conqueror Challenge of walking a certain distance in a certain amount of time, there’s nothing inherently dangerous about that on its own. You can announce you walked 3.2km today or you made it to milestone 3 or you’re 15% of the way to the distance goal! A walking goal by itself is more neutral than a weight loss goal.

The next two forms look almost identical but they work slightly differently. One of the biggest things for workouts that experts recommend is to either join a gym / take classes OR work out with a buddy. The group option is a form of a tribal ritual. It’s essentially a simple variant on finding people who like to do the same things you do and then doing things as a group. If you like astronomy, join an astronomy club. If you like reading, join a book club. The whole point is to join a tribe of like-minded people and do things together. In theory, this obviously works way better for extroverts than introverts, but even for introverts, an organized structure often alleviates anxiety. The buddy option can be similar, depending on the form it takes. If it is simply, “Hey, let’s go kayaking together sometime,” that’s a simple tribal variation with a tribe of two people — you and them.

On the other hand, if it is more, “Hey, let’s go kayaking every Tuesday or Wednesday morning”, then you’ve altered the HOW and WHAT again (just as was done in Tier 1), and made a new activity. Not simply are you going to go kayaking, now you have turned it into an informal accountability ritual where you and your friend now rely on each other to reinforce the goal. Ultimately, the real difference is not the number of people involved but what the minimum number of people is required to do the activity. If you are part of a tribal ritual, and you miss a week? No big deal. Nobody really notices but you. Everybody else still does their thing. For a mutual accountability ritual, even informal, there’s an element of you letting the others down. Your partners will “hold you accountable” for your goal, calling you up to say, “Hey, are we on for Tuesday or not?”. Because they need support, too. Programs like alcoholics anonymous try to do this with sponsors; in addition to mentoring, they also try to ensure you make it to the meeting each day/week/etc.

The next one is a strange variation of the accountability ritual. Take the example of someone going to the gym and working out, either by themselves, in a group or with a buddy. Now contrast that with someone who has hired a personal trainer to work with them every Monday afternoon from 4:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. At first glance, someone might think that is simply a question of scheduling. You know, the same as the Tier 1 scheduling. But is it?

First and foremost, you’re going to pay that trainer. That’s a commitment that is VERY different from the rest of the situations. You are taking it seriously enough to pay someone to help you do it better or properly. Second, you’ve got a professional helping you. Not some random dude that has no more knowledge than you. Third, you’ve scheduled a set time. That was only one component of the simple scheduling option. And last, that trainer is going to see how you’re progressing, whether you show up, etc. They’re going to call you, push you, hold you accountable, force you to set goals and then tell you how to reach them. And most GOOD trainers will drop you as a client if you’re wasting their time. They like money, but if they’re good, they won’t bother working with someone who is looking for a social buddy to talk to while they pretend to work out. Ultimately, it changes the mutual accountability ritual into a formal accountability ritual.

As an introvert, I do not usually like any of these types of social engineering rituals, but some people find them very powerful. One of the reasons I am doing this “inventory” of options, though, is to see what I’m missing that might potentially help me going forward. Which might include the social engineering ones. Ewww, people. 🙂

On to tier 3…