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You are definitely not the only one to feel this way. At times this year I’ve felt like every day is a mind-numbing repetition with no overall purpose to anything, it’s all just waiting until it’s over. I’ve lost interest in things that previously interested me and struggled to care about whether the kids have screens or whatever. It’s not depression, just accumulated stress and being in a holding pattern for 16 months with the same people in the same place.

We had dinner next door last week and it was glorious to talk to new people and tell my old stories and actually interact with a near stranger. I’ve also focused on sorting all my Magic cards and selling them while prices are surprisingly high, and that’s brought some unexpectedness to my day-to-day existence as I stumble across another card that’s worth more than I would have expected (which could be $5, but if I expected $0.01, it’s a win!). But I’m also going through cards all the time to try and feel like I’m actually accomplishing something, abandoning other things I need to do a bit.

I have no good advice to offer, I can just say that others are feeling it as well.

I didn’t get notified of your response, is that at thing here at polyblog?

I’m interested in what you discover as to the source of this feeling – COVID, age, energy (though is energy not a factor of age?). I too lack the energy I used to have and blame children and the consumption of time that leads to rat race type of behaviour, with the constant pressure and stress of never doing well enough in any sphere – work, children, wife, leisure. It’s an awful way to live, and yet has become the norm. But in my 20s and early 30s, I was a single contractor who worked 3 days a week, slept when he felt like it, and jetted around the world playing games. I certainly seemed happier and more energetic then!

I find that I lack a purpose during the lockdown. A lack of something to look forward to, something to anticipate. And I know that’s important to me – for years I was always preparing for the next Magic tournament. Then I got a bit lost for a few years. Then I started in with D&D and I was always preparing for the next D&D session. I like having something to be working toward. Free time with nothing to work toward feels wasted – I could have spent the past 16 months writing the dream D&D worlds/adventures I’ve thought about for decades…but I didn’t. I think it’s because I’m exhausted each night after the guilt and stress of the day, between children and work? Maybe it’s age? Mid-life crisis and dreams unrealized, or never to be realized again?

Maybe it’s just comments from me that give you that bounce? I’m like joy in a bottle!

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