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Tag Archives: weight

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Stupid leg, stupid me

The PolyBlog
January 22 2021

For those who have read my blog before, you know that I’m relatively transparent about things in my life that are about me. I might hedge on stories that intersect with Andrea or Jacob, particularly where some things are not my story to tell, but on my side of life, I’m fairly open. I feel at times that it is part of my zeitgeist with respect to the blog. There’s no point having a blog of my experiences if I am sugar-coating part of it, or turning it into a “sunshine and rainbows”-type social media feed, where you only post photos and updates that reflect well on you.

So over the last couple of years, I’ve talked about my weight, some heart stuff, tests here and there, etc. But one thing I haven’t talked about, mostly as it wasn’t that significant, was a problem I have with my legs. Like many overweight and/or diabetic/pre-diabetic people, I can get swelling in my ankles and shins, extra pooling of water, and normally you can “dispel” the water by wearing compression socks. Exciting, sexy, squeeze the water out of your shins, stockings.

I have a couple of pair, and if/when things get bad with my legs, I can wear them for a few days or weeks, and things return to some semblance of normal. It’s not super comfortable, but it gets the job done.

But I also have a specific spot on my right shin that I bang regularly. I’ve banged it for years, all the way back to being a kid, and while lots of people have scars on their knees, I have a bunch where I scraped my shins. It’s a little bit gross, I admit, but when my legs swell, the scars tend to fill with a bit of water. Once in a while, I’ll break the tissue layer on something, the water will run out, it leaks for a day or two, it heals, it goes back to normal. Annoying, but not exactly serious.

Then about 3 months ago, I rapped my shin a good one. I seem to recall it being something simple like a laundry basket of clean clothes sitting near my bed. I walk from the bathroom to the bed in the dark, and if I forget that I put the basket there, I can easily catch the side of it on my shin as I pass by. I do, and I did, except this time? It took a very large chunk out of a big area, and it has taken a long time to heal. It bled initially, I didn’t even notice at the time other than it was stinging, and I ended up washing it all off in the morning. It leaked, no biggie. Except, as I said, it hasn’t healed.

Now, lots of older people in their 80s and 90s get these types of skin breaks that take time to heal, but young guys like me (as the nurse said earlier today hahaha) should heal faster. In the meantime, I was in a cycle of it being irritated, drying out, showering, getting irritated, drying out, etc. A few months ago, it was annoying me, and I put some anti-bacterial cream on it for a day or two with some bandages, kept it covered, seemed fine.

Until last weekend.

Last Saturday / Sunday, it started to get sore. And a few times this week it really suddenly “pinged”, like a sharp pain almost like someone stuck me with a pin. It was sore to the touch, started being redder, but then it would fade, all good for a bit. More worrisome, but not alarming. Until last night. What had been simply red and irritated suddenly looked all yellow, gooey, and gross, like it was infected. Plus it hurt like the Dickens (the devil, not the writer).

So I snapped a pic, asked Andrea to be equally grossed out and validate my concern that I was a gross, overweight slob who was probably now infected too, and reached out this morning to my normal doctor’s office to see if I could get an appointment.

Now, I need to step back a moment. My doctor is part of a larger “teaching clinic” so there is the supervising physician and several resident interns usually, and they are housed within a long-term care hospital, so the rules for visiting are a bit strict. I tried to have my eye looked at in the fall, when I had pink-eye which negates going pretty much anywhere, and didn’t get very far. I ended up just doing AppleTree who did tele-medicine for me. Honestly, most of the time it is easier to get into AppleTree after a couple of hours of waiting rather than my clinic’s several days to get in. One nice part for the main clinic was that it was close to work, so if I was going for a regular appointment, I could pop out and back during the day. Now? Not so convenient.

But the magic words are “I think it might be infected” and they managed after much juggling and texting between triage and the clinic to find me a spot this morning at 11:30. It was a crapfest of a day for my schedule at work, but 11:30 it was.

Off I go, they even had room in the parking lot for a change, pass through screening level 1 and then 2, and then arrive in the empty waiting room. As an aside, the screening person told me I could put a new mask (PPE-style) on over top of my existing mask, which seemed odd, but okay. Then as soon as I arrived in the clinic, one of the doctors immediately told me I had to take my regular mask off and just wear the PPE. Okay, I live to serve. Just tell me the correct rules, I’ll follow them! You’re the ones on the front line, I’ll do what you tell me.

Appointment was relatively fine. Sure, I know the horror stories out there. People whose infections don’t get under control, spread up the leg, cause lots of pain, huge risk of sepsis and even death, although far more likely to lose the leg than anything, if things go south. Or north as the case may be.

Anyway, mostly I was just pissed at myself. The reason I’m having this problem is that I haven’t taken advantage of the last 9m at home to really turn some health corners. I’ve held my ground, and made a bit of progress, but there are bigger gains on the horizon once I get there. This however is one of the types of complications that comes from NOT solving the problem earlier. 100% preventable. And if it expands, there’s only me to blame.

Fortunately, the infection hasn’t spread, it’s still local and not too extreme from the looks of it. Anti-biotics and some clean dressings should have me right as rain in a couple of weeks, hopefully. They are worried about the excess fluid in the legs, so I’ll have to revisit compression stockings, and they have custom ones that fit better apparently, which sounds oh, so wonderful.

I think the doctor thought I was over-reacting a bit until I showed him the photo from last night. He didn’t even think it was the same wound at first as I’ve cleaned it up and taken a shower this morning to clean it all out. I got high marks for wound care, at least.

I also took advantage of my visit to revisit my gaping hole in blood work to make sure my blood pressure and diabetes-related meds are working, and he was not as impressed that it has been so long since my last test. I was due last spring, just before the world collapsed, so he wants that done asap, and some other referrals related to the wound care (CCAC, etc.). A few things to put in place as soon as possible, and while not necessarily critically urgent, I’m trying to tick as many boxes as I can today. The day was already a crapshow anyway.

I won’t post actual photos of the leg, it’s pretty gross looking, and I’m having a bit of a self-esteem problem already today. Hopefully I can use that as a bit of a motivation for change, but I’ll settle for a short-term motivation to get the wound healed and try out some new compression socks.

Like I said in the title: stupid leg, stupid me. But at least it’s not irreversible and relatively easily treated to start. Fingers crossed.

Posted in Experiences | Tagged diabetes, goals, health, weight | 4 Replies

Rebooting my to-do list

The PolyBlog
April 16 2020

For those of you who have known me for awhile, you likely know that I used to be quite anal retentive about goal-setting. Each December, I would start thinking about my version of New Year’s resolutions which were to do some hard-core planning for the year. I really like the “Inbox Zero” equivalent of personal planning, and my to-do list reflected that preference.

If you haven’t seen Inbox Zero, it is originally for people who had trouble managing their inbox. In the planning industry, it was the “do you manage your inbox or does your inbox manage you?” idea. In short, most people have large inboxes. Dozens, hundreds of messages, maybe even thousands, all in a single folder. Which is an incredibly inefficient filing system. Think of it as the equivalent of 200 post-it notes around your desk. How do you find anything? How do you avoid missing something critical?

The Inbox Zero approach is designed to remove that clutter. You go through every email in the box until you’re done the first time. With each email, you either deal with it immediately (for something that takes a minute or two)…and if it is a repetitive task like answering a request for a copy of some document you regularly send out, then take a few extra minutes to setup macros for quick responses. Then any future one of those requests can be dealt with in seconds. Many of the emails are likely ones that you can just delete. At least the first time you do a triage. And then there are two final categories.

The first category is for ones that are simply things you want to read later. You don’t have to “do” anything with them, but you don’t want to delete them either. Think of them as an equivalent of a “To Be Read” pile of books. Do you need that TBR pile on your desk? Nope, file them in a folder and pull some out from time to time when you are available. Or if it is really important to you, schedule 15-30 minutes a day where you’ll just read the best thing in the folder, shutting everything else out.

The last category is for the “to-do” list items. You didn’t respond yet, you have to do some work on them (maybe your boss was tasking you with something), and it isn’t something you can just file and pull out later. This is your “active” set of emails. But why are they in your inbox cluttered up with everything else? The Inbox Zero approach insists that you at least move them to an ACTIVE folder with no more than a screenful of emails or you make a list of action items and put them on your to-do list. Then, you can move them around on your to-do list, reprioritize as needed, delete if necessary or possible, whatever you need to do. But you’re not using a pile of electronic post-it notes on your desk to do it.

Mental Inbox Zero

To me, the Inbox Zero’s real benefit is that it declutters your active workspace so your to-do list isn’t screaming at you “do me, do me, do me”. You aren’t managing your inbox so much as managing your time in comparison with all your other priorities. But once it’s on the list, you don’t have to be trying to remember it mentally. It’s gone from your mental inbox. It’s on a list, and you can read that list when you need to. In the meantime, you can focus on the most important or urgent task YOU choose to do next.

So I used to apply the same principle and discipline to my to-do list. I have a master list of things I am planning to do, thinking about doing, or maybe just dreaming about doing some day. Some of the items are almost bucket list level; others are short-term items like picking up the drycleaning. So, with lots of refinement over the years, I created my own personal development model with “blue” cerebral / cognitive items, “green” family or emotional items, “yellow” social or community items, and “red” financial or active leadership items (see the image to the left of the title). The colours match up with the Insights Discovery model for personality profiles, which has its limit but works as an organizing metaphor for me. I have extensive groupings and categorizations too within those colours:

  • Health, weight/fitness, cooking;
  • Family, home organization, reading;
  • Finances, organization, activities;
  • Learning, photography, astronomy, volunteering; and,
  • Computers, website management, blogging, media management, writing.

22 categories in total, with three levels of prioritization within it — things I can do in the next week or so; things in the next month; and things that are parked for now.

I then keep a separate “subset” list that I use for my weekly to-do list. It’s essentially the “things I can do in the next week”, but triaged into five more granular priority levels. I use it to manage my week, without being cluttered by looking at my MT or LT priorities. I’ve already done the triage at the start of the week, now I just manage what I committed to this week. If something new comes up, I either write it down on my to-do list and add it during the weekly update, or I add it to a temporary folder and triage that each week for additions/changes.

Two years without my to-do list

I had been using variations of my approach for almost 20 years when I decided two years ago to put it on hold. There was a very specific reason — I thought, at the time, that if I was to make any progress on my goal of weight loss, then I needed to marshal all my resources to that goal. And I was right, in a way. It was indeed the only way to make progress initially. But over time, I’ve slipped. I had managed to achieve almost 20% of my overall weight-loss goal when depression wiped me out. It kicked my ass good. I had promised myself I wouldn’t return to a long list of to-do list items unless or until I achieved my goal.

But over the two years that I’ve been working on my weight loss in varying degrees of commitment, I realized that my initial success was great, but I can’t maintain the pace. So it is going to take me almost 3 times as long to achieve my goal, measured in years rather than months. I honestly can’t maintain a good mental state that long without some structure to the rest of my life.

And therein lies the benefit and the rub. My to-do list can both give me a sense of accomplishment or momentum and distract me from real growth opportunities (measuring the wrong thing or missing real growth opportunities because I didn’t put it on the list). It both focuses and narrows my perspective.

For two years, I have figured out what I need to do on my weight, and I feel in control of where I’m going. Maybe not at the pace I would like, but on track. I’ve got the initial tools I need now, and I know where to get the next set I need later. And the next set after that.

But my mental health needs that original structure back, and so I sat down this past weekend and updated my to-do list. I’m exaggerating the gap a little…I had updated it about 4 months ago, and about 8 before that, and about 8 before that. Nothing really aggressive, just weeding out things that had expired or already passed for time. Or were simply just not relevant to me anymore. For example, I took into account considerations where I went “left” on some decision point and I could therefore drop the possible options if I had gone right instead. I was simply updating it, I wasn’t managing it.

Let’s be clear though…this is not a simple to-do list. There are 280 items on it. It is, in fact, more of a detailed project management tool where the “project” is me. Even my sublist for this week has 67 items on it, although I would say only about 20 are really truly “this week”…the other 47 are more ambitious areas to consider if I start moving down that path on one of the areas. 50-60 is about normal for me, with about 20 “core” goals and another 40 that I wouldn’t mind seeing some progress on, as time permits.

So far I have knocked off ten, this post itself is number 11 oddly enough, and what was number 1? Updating the list itself. It is almost always number 1. I can’t manage my priorities if my priorities aren’t up to date. Past the initial 10, another five or six are well underway, so I’ll probably hit 20-25 things done by Sunday. A bit above average, but it fluctuates.

Momentum

One of the benefits of the to-do list is it gives me an automatic sense of momentum. I know what all my “items” are, I’ve triaged the 20-60 that I might do something about this week, and I’m knocking a bunch off the list. By definition, I’m working on things that I’ve already determined are important to me. Which usually allows me to stave off basic depressive tendencies.

Occasionally, the momentum bubble bursts. New projects coming in are usually not destructive to me, I expect those and I’m flexible enough to adjust. New priorities? By definition, I have to adjust. That’s why the list exists.

However, what CAN suck the life out of me is bogging down on 2 or 3 items in different categories. If I run into a snag on one area, I can usually get some juice out of progress on another area here or there. But if I run into multiple blocks, then there is a risk that my frustration with two or three will start to ripple into others that were originally progressing just fine.

None of that is insurmountable. I feel like I’m back on track, although the schedule of the day tends to present some challenges to shifting gears between work life, homeschooling life for my son, general family life, and carving out some time when I can be productive on personal items. I’m even ready to blog again about my weight loss plans, albeit a bit more obliquely than before.

But for now, I’m happy to be back in business.

Posted in Goals | Tagged goals, momentum, weight | Leave a reply

#50by50ish #50 – Lose weight – Two strikes down

The PolyBlog
November 22 2019

Well, my first attempt with transparent commitment, public goals, everything arrayed to push me led initially to weight loss of about 30 pounds, and then regained about 15 of it. Strike one.

My second attempt, my “reboot” this year, was wiped out by depression and I ended up not only regaining all of the other 15 pounds I had first lost, but I also added another 5 on top of it. Pushing me to my largest weight ever, 345 pounds. Strike two.

Sigh.

So I’m working on a reboot plan, I know why it’s not working, and what I need to do, but apparently the online transparency plan isn’t working for me as a way of keeping my nose to the grindstone. I have a couple of new things to try, but I guess I’ll try those out on my own and post updates more sporadically. Stay tuned!

Posted in Goals | Tagged 50by50, goals, health, restart, weight | 3 Replies

#50by50ish #50 – Rebooting my weightloss efforts (2.01)

The PolyBlog
April 3 2019

When last we saw our intrepid hero (i.e. me), he was facing a cliff-hanger of epic proportions (literally). He had plateaued, become relatively inert, started to despair, and wallowed in frustration. I needed a break. So I took one.

My “goal” for my break was to take my mental energy off my weight and health, and while I wasn’t planning to abandon all my new practices, I didn’t want to be tracking everything every day, only to see no progress. I stopped in early February, and planned to go to the end of March. That was this past Sunday.

So what did I do over the previous seven weeks?

On the positive side, I didn’t go completely crazy. I didn’t throw away my plans to eat breakfast more regularly, although I didn’t try to fight that hard to make it at home either. For snacks, I gave myself a break from preparing them by taking a financial hit, and so I bought my veggies at work more often than pre-chopping them at home. Lunches weren’t bad, but not great. A bit too much pizza thrown in as a treat rather than sticking to other healthier choices, but again, I didn’t go nuts either. I did better on drinking water through-out the day. And dinners stayed relatively the same. We tried out the Hello Fresh delivery service, and while the food was interesting, it also included more prep time than normal, and more prep time than say SupperWorks. We’ll stick with it a bit more, building up some extra recipes perhaps (the yakitori was great, also a couple of others), and then likely try some more SupperWorks. Finally, on the positive side, if I rely on measurement as my progress, my overall weight stayed relatively the same. Up and down a pound or two, but nothing much different than when I was plateaued. The real benefit is that I didn’t expend a lot of mental energy on it in the last seven weeks. That’s at least an indicator that some of the habits are part of my “new normal”.

On the negative side, I had a health scare in there for my heart, which turned out to be (likely) more reflux-related as my body gets used to my new meds. Speaking of which, I started taking a baby aspirin a day for my heart stuff, although my GP removed that from the regime now that my heart issues are “resolved” (i.e. no signs of a problem). I went up to five meds (2 BP, 1 diabetes, 1 reflux, 1 aspirin) and then down to three (dropped 1 BP and 1 aspirin), and then back up to four (added a cholesterol med). Long-term, maybe I can get rid of them all, but for now, we work with what we have.

Continuing on the negative side, I’ve been eating ice cream a little too regularly in the last seven weeks. Not excessively, but since it’s my Kryptonite, I was using Ross’ philosophy from Friends (“I was on a break!”) to allow myself to do it…DQ, Frosties, Laura Secord. It’s a slippery slope.

I’ve also been a giant house slug with the snow challenges. I’ve been hibernating way too much. Sigh.

CTRL-ALT-DELETE

But Monday marked my overall reboot, and the beginning of round 2 / attempt 2 to start the next 25 pound goal. It’s 10 weeks to my birthday, which is probably too short a time to get all 25 pounds lost, but I have smaller goals in there to get things done (like getting my basement done so I can work out in it — or as my new advisor, the Kinesiologist, suggests, I should picture the goal of getting the physical set-up in the right layout as the first exercise / workout). We had a great first appointment, and I suspect we’ll have 2-3 more before I’m fully on track for the future.

After restarting Monday, I can feel the challenge for the week…yesterday was my first day back at work with full menu control. Today I sacrificed a bit at lunch to have pizza with a friend, but I’ll adjust for it in my other items for the day. And I’m planning to BBQ on Saturday night. How wrong can the week go when it ends with BBQ?

Posted in Goals | Tagged 50by50, goals, health, restart, weight | Leave a reply

#50by50ish #50 – Lose weight – Part 16, complete failure

The PolyBlog
February 20 2019

If you’ve read my blog in recent weeks, you’ll have noticed a trend. Lack of movement. Increasing despair. Frustration. Wallowing.

I am struggling to keep with my program, and to get ANY momentum at all, ranging even from eating healthier with my snacking and breakfast times all the way through to actual being ready for exercise. I’ve been trying various things to “re-energize” my approach but most of it is frankly just not working.

So today marks my last post on this topic until Spring hits. I’m just focusing too much on negative sides of what I’m not accomplishing that it is starting to affect my overall mood and emotions. I’m taking a break. No, I’m not stopping, no, I’m not giving up. But I had to let go of the constant tension and I did that today.

I desperately wanted a quick comfort boost and my normal outlets — a creamy hot chocolate or an actual frozen hot chocolate from Timothy’s — were not getting the job done. So I gave in to what my body was telling me.

I had ice cream at Laura Secord. 

If you have read the previous blogs, you know how I feel about it. Tantamount to falling off the wagon for AA members and taking a drink. Attempt #1 is complete and I’ve failed to achieve my goal. I did make some progress, there’s positive in them there hills, but a failure nevertheless.

I’ll try to minimize the backsliding over the next two months. I may even make some more progress in there. But for now, I’m done blogging about it until at least April 15th. I need some quick wins on other fronts to get my confidence back up. 

Not the posts I thought I would be writing about now, but it is what it is, I guess. Sigh.

Posted in Goals | Tagged 50by50, failure, goals, health, weight | Leave a reply

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