It seems almost a mark of hubris to try to “improve” upon a classic paradigm such as Abraham Maslow’s “hierarchy of needs”, but I’m saved slightly by the fact that I’m not actually trying to improve upon it, I’m trying to adapt it to improve visualization of my own personal development in the next year. A fine-line distinction perhaps, but an important distinction nevertheless.
Maslow, of course, had five levels, and you had to achieve each level before you could advance to the higher levels. One version of his pyramid has the levels as:
Safety – security of body, employment, resources, morality, the family, health, property;
Love/belonging – friendship, family, sexual intimacy;
Esteem – self-esteem, confidence, achievement, respect of others, respect by others; and,
Self-actualization – morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, lack of prejudice, acceptance of facts.
Of course, that last one is not unique to Maslow – it looks like the basic mantra of many approaches to achieving “zen” too.
There also exists a different use of the hierarchy model as guides to various types of development, such as economic development. In some instances, there would be foundational pieces, equivalent to the physiological – establishment of a national currency, for example. These are earlier on, fundamental “up-stream” activities. However, some downstream activities from that, i.e. some that come later, might be specific private sector development initiatives, or even further out, some trade initiatives. Some theorists have treated it more like concentric circles, ripples in a brook after you toss in a “fundamental economic stone” – the first waves start rippling out from the fundamental but additional waves move out too, generating a series of concentric circles where the cornerstones of economic development are close to the origin point while those farther out are able to be addressed once the core is dealt with, i.e. capacity built.
These models are all variations on a theme that there are some developmental aspects which are fundamental and come “before” the others in terms of linear development, while others build upon the foundations and are more like little tentacles of development “shooting out” to sprout a new arm of development, hoping it can take (and keep) hold. Military people use a similar metaphor for their front lines, supply chains, and the ability to establish beachheads/footholds into enemy territory – small strategic thrusts to leap forward in weak or key areas.
What does this have to do with me?
I’ve been playing with my own personal development model on and off for some time. Each year, I tweak it a little, hoping for a slightly different emphasis or nuance that will help me maintain momentum throughout the year. In some ways, it is just a visible representation for me and me alone, a core way of communicating my various personal commitments to myself for the year. A visualization, if you will, of what I’m trying to achieve and how the various pieces fit together as a cohesive whole rather than a laundry list of to-do items. However, the “single category” or single point of origin isn’t a viable model for me. I still prefer the four “colour” wheel of Blue (analytical), Green (emotion), Yellow (Social) and Red (Physical / Action).
Mapping this out, I think I have the following working table of categories / items / issues / questions. I think I only will do three levels though, not the five.
Category
TIER ONE (Basic Needs)
TIER TWO (Developmental Needs)
TIER THREE (Self-Fulfillment Needs)
Blue (Intellect, analytical, learning, organization)
Essential cognitive skills Ability to communicate Order Knowledge
Confidence Language skills Routine Understanding
Respect of others Self-esteem Stability Skills
Green (Connections, emotion, family)
Family Extended family Community Tolerance Awareness Affiliation
Spiritualism Acceptance Connectedness Affection
Respect by others Morality Lack of prejudice Acceptance of facts Intimacy
Yellow (Expression, social, creativity)
Friendship Basic creativity
Openness Functional creativity
Spontaneity Applied creativity
Red (Expansion, physiological, action-oriented, work)
Food Shelter Clothing Sleep Basic health
Employment Resources Property Functional health
Career development Applied health
As you can see, some “issues” appear in all three columns (Order, Routine, Stability) as a logical progression; others such as communication and language skills only appear in the first two presently…I don’t want to be a slave to having perfect chains at all three levels, and some may only exist at one level, although I suspect in some cases that is likely to be a granularity issue.
I haven`t quite figured out what to do with some basic areas that don’t seem to fit “neatly” into the above table…
Environment — part of the “community” in green, or separate? And should community be farther out?
What is beyond the self-fulfillment column — purpose? meaning? vision? goodness? justice? leadership? transcendence to help others?
Are achievements a separate category or just part of each of the other bullets in a sense?
Should I add curiosity, exploration, and competence as a stream? Is that cognitive blue or action red?
Where would I put things that I simply “enjoy” for relaxation (reading, watching TV, movies, games) — are they a level one version of reflection/calm/meditation/stress relief?
Is exercise derivative of other bullets within the red or is it a stand-alone area?
Is travel for blue learning, green community, yellow social or red action?
Once I figure out a reasonably coherent model, I’ll move on to actually working on my goal-setting for the year. In the meantime, all views gratefully accepted.
I have struggled over the past 15 years with multiple incarnations of my book reviews online. These aren’t your typical amateur string of consciousness reviews, I am far too anal for that. I don’t know how many times I’ve read a review by someone else on a site like Amazon and when I was finished the review, I thought, “What the heck does any of that have to do with the book? Was it good?”.
Some of the worst ones say “five stars, just ordered it, haven’t read it yet”. Or “I’m giving it one star because my aunt Bernice said she heard from a friend that their Minister was told by a parishioner that it has a bad word in it somewhere”. While reviews of those types are easy to dismiss, I am equally troubled by the people who do plot summaries with no review, say only what they like and yet give it 1 or 2 stars, say only what they hate and yet give it 4 or 5 stars, and a host of other equally useless content like “good book”.
And I confess that I have a small dream. Not huge, because I don’t have the time for huge, but small. It is to have people send me their books as advance reader copies (ARCs) because they have read my reviews somewhere else and now want me to review THEM. This isn’t that far-fetched, it has happened multiple times already. I particularly like it when someone reads my review and comments on it. It’s like creating my own time-shifting book club for introverts.
The problem, of course, is if I want to build any sort of brand, I have to actually figure out what that brand is going to be. And I think I’m close. Certainly closer to final than I have ever been before. I have a layout — a link to the book’s cover on Amazon, brief summary of plot or premise, what I liked, what I didn’t like, an overall one-line/tweet review, some boilerplate info on the book’s publication, my rating of course, and some verbiage to address the mandatory US disclosure requirements i.e. if I received the book in exchange for a review or am friends with the author (yep, I’m in Canada, but I think the disclosure is not a bad idea and wouldn’t be surprised if other countries adopt it too, plus as you’ll see below, some of my reviews get posted on US sites, so easier to include it upfront rather than go back and add it later).
Posting it on my own site has always been relatively easy. Figuring out how to create an index, however, which allows people to see the list of reviews by author, title, rating, year, or review order is not as easily accomplished on a simple WordPress site, particularly if I don’t want a lot of back-end programming and data entry nor front-end delays in rendering. The simplest option on both ends is to maintain the various lists as separate static pages that I just update from time to time. I found some nice buttons I like, easily added them, with some bright colour coding, and it’s good to go (Book Review Index). I even managed to include my full approach to book reviews so if anyone wants to know if they want to risk me reading their book and doing a review, they can easily see what I do.
The “building my brand” idea though has frequently overwhelmed my approach as there are lots of places to post reviews, and most of them require the same info for posting, but they all have the info in a slightly different order. I was playing with Microsoft Access to create a simple database for entry and saving of the data, with the idea that I would then generate multiple reports in the format/order that the various review sites needed, but Access was not playing nicely. Part of the problem is that what I’m doing is not really that complicated, and while Access will produce reports out the wazoo, what I really needed was it to produce a single page at a time for the latest single record, and preferably without doing look-up queries to do it. Particularly as there are multiple sites to generate reports for, and I didn’t want to create multiple reports with multiple queries all competing for my attention. I’m sure it can be done. I’m sure it can be made quite simple. But not by me without learning way more about Access than I ever want to learn. There’s something strangely ironic and equally disturbing that I could probably do it in dBase IV or COBOL more easily than I was finding my attempts in Access.
So I switched to Excel. Really, honestly, it’s a flat-file database, and there is no relational element in my usage. Exactly what Excel was originally designed for, albeit I’m using text rather than financial numbers.
My new layout is working AWESOME for me. I have:
a primary page which is my master index…it’s not what I work with most of the time, but it does have the complete list — if I lose everything else, this is the master page;
Sheet 2 is my simple data entry page — 22 fields, although technically 9 of those get combined into a big tag field later, it’s just easier to group the tags separately when I’m writing the review;
Sheet 3 is a temporary paste/staging page — this is a lesson I learned a long time ago to paste into a page that everything else pulls from, rather than pulling from the master or the data entry page…that way if something messes up on the other two pages, or I change some setting or layout, the whole set of subsequent pages are not messed up;
Sheets 4-14 are what would have been separate reports in Access but just are “links” to different sections of the staging page and are in the exact order I need to paste my reviews into:
my PolyWogg pages;
Amazon.ca
Amazon.com (they don’t link and push to .ca anymore)
Chapters-Indigo
Kobo books (a different set of reviews for paper and digital, unlike Amazon)
Barnes and Noble
Nook books (as with Kobo, a different set of reviews for paper and digital)
Google Play Books
Good Reads
Shelfari
Library Thing
I’ve already automated a bunch of stuff on the browser front too so that I can open all those sites with one click, find the book, and start uploading the review. Some of them are already on Amazon, I uploaded them previously, but most of the other sites are new and relatively virgin territory (I’ve only uploaded reviews of four titles so far, and many of them had no previous reviews or ratings). It has taken a bit longer than I would like to upload the first few, but I’m getting a bit faster now that I’m used to the page interfaces.
Once that is done, I copy the final text from data entry over to the master list, and that first page has some calculated fields on it that also generates and formats my index entries for the website and the basic outline for my tweet update that the review is posted on my own site.
Automation should help streamline the review process somewhat, and I had to figure out my business process to get to this stage. Now that it’s done, and I’ve tested the model on the first four reviews, I’m excited to upload a backlog of another 30 old ones and get started on my goal of 50 new ones for the year.
I was looking at various pundits predictions for 2016, and the only one that resonates with me is in the legal realm that sexual assault trials are likely to dominate major news coverage, albeit more “celebrity” / “entertainment” news than political coverage. In Canada, we’re going to see movement forward on the Jian Ghomeshi trial, and from the U.S., a potential civil and criminal trial for Bill Cosby (without prejudice to the future outcomes, I’m going to regularly refer to them as the “perpetrators” and their accusers as “victims”; I have no idea what happened with any of them). Add to that an increased attention to sexual assaults in general, and there will likely be more coverage of sports teams and frat houses going downhill rapidly from merely stupid behaviour to outright criminal behaviour when the testosterone, sense of entitlement, and alcohol/drugs get out of control on campuses rife with the so-called rape culture.
There are people who are quite passionate about rape trials, and every scrap of news or hint of allegation immediately goes on their Facebook post. From hint of accusation to end of trial and beyond, they have already determined guilt and no penalty is too great. While I share their views on appropriate punishments, I am rarely excited by rape trials. I don’t mean a titillation factor, I mean I’m not excited that a sexual assault trial will be waged so publicly for a number of reasons.
First, I am not convinced that the public nature has a positive policy outcome for encouraging more victims to come forward in the future for other crimes. The argument in favour is that the public nature removes the stigma from the victim, emphasizes that they are indeed victims and what happened was a clear crime, and emboldens others who are reluctant to report what happened to them (by the same perpetrator or another). Less convincing too is the argument that the legal system provides much-needed validation for the victim to help the healing process, brings some measure of justice, and helps them move on towards closure (whatever that looks like). In short, women shouldn’t be afraid to come forward, because look, it happened to others and they’re coming forward.
Second, the public nature helps to shame the perpetrator. Normally a man, who assaulted a woman. Again, I’m not completely convinced of the policy outcome since the person is tried, convicted and sentenced in the court of public opinion before they ever set foot in the courtroom. One could argue that is the same for any crime, but when the victims band together to have a press conference, before they talk to the police to file an actual complaint, not exactly anyone’s view of how the legal system is supposed to work. And when the legal system doesn’t always produce the same “outcome” as public opinion, the policy outcomes are less positive.
However, my biggest concern is neither of the above, or at least not directly. Instead, I’m concerned that the legal system is a poor way to try these cases, but not in the normal way people complain about their interactions with the system as a victim. It is the nature of the crime that is the problem, and how to prosecute it.
From the get-go, there is a problem with the laws. The law has to be clear and unambiguous about what it is making criminal behaviour, worthy of punishment. It is the same problem it has with prostitution laws…the state can’t say “sex is against the law”, as sex isn’t, and can’t be. It would unintentionally outlaw sex of any sort. So, they tried “sex for money”, but that fell into problems when the money went to a third party (aka the pimp). Sex with strangers, sex with strangers for money, sex for money, sex in exchange for anything gets too close to regulating sex itself, a private activity outside of the purview of the state in most instances. Buggery and sodomy laws fall by the wayside for similar reasons. So, states have passed laws that say the sex part is okay, but “solicitation” and “living off the avails of prostitution” are not. An end-run around the legal issues of regulating personal behaviour between consenting adults that without the exchange of money could look identical to behaviour of other consenting adults that shouldn’t be illegal.
When it comes to rape trials, the law was designed for a specific type of assault. The menacing stranger in a ski mask lurking in the dark, ready to pounce on an unsuspecting innocent girl walking through the woods to grandma’s house. It envisioned (a) a perpetrator with clear menace in their heart, (b) attempts to conceal identity, further escape, and enable the crime, and (c) an arms-length, unknown victim. When the crime happens, proof is relatively straightforward for the justice system:
Identity of the perpetrator — this is often the biggest challenge, proving who the attacker is…track them, catch them, give them a lineup if possible;
Evidence of the crime — the “actus reus”, i.e. proof that an assault took place, including physical evidence, witnesses, rape kits, etc; and,
Intent — the “mens rea” element, i.e. the criminal intent to commit a crime.
Short, sweet and to the point — he’s the one who intended to commit a crime and he did commit it. To be blunt, no different than a murder case or a regular assault case, or even a burglary. It’s the basis for the entire justice system — an act, an intent, and the person who did it. Sexual assault cases where the perpetrator is a rapist in a park with a knife fit that pattern. Incredibly difficult at times to prove identity, but the criminal act and intent are relatively straightforward. If you get the right person, the next two are slam dunks, outside of an insanity defence. One size fits all type of cases.
But that might be as low as 5% of rape cases. The vast majority of rape cases are apparently committed not by strangers but by people the victim knew (hard to be 100% sure, as many rapes of any type are not reported, but most studies bear that out). Instead of the “stalking rapist” scenario above, these victims had some form of relationship with the person, either as acquaintances, or friends, or partners, or in a professional capacity like the person was their priest, counsellor, doctor, professor. As such, evidence of the criminal act is often hard to come by…if the victim felt ashamed, as most do, and didn’t report it for days, weeks, months, or years after the attack, there is little to no physical evidence. No rape kit, no bruising documented. And since these acts are often committed in private, there are no witnesses. No evidence of any crime at all except for one thing. The victim’s statement that it happened.
This is where the “he said, she said” reference usually comes in, often in a strictly pejorative sense. But it doesn’t matter if it is “he said, he said”, “she said, she said”, “she said, he said”, or “he said, she said”, or even if it is a completely different crime. It comes down to one person saying an act was committed and the other person saying it wasn’t. The criminal justice system has no good way to handle that, because the standard of proof for criminal cases, and the entire basis for Western law, is innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. Nobody in legal circles wants to define what that “beyond reasonable doubt” looks like in numerical terms, but let’s set a low threshold of 80% sure. While the court of public opinion might hear a woman’s claim and decide it is 100% true, a regular court hears simply “it happened” and “it didn’t happen” as two competing claims, and without evidence to corroborate a story to move it off the 50/50 needle, it is going to be very hard to get to 80% confidence. Add in the fact that murder, manslaughter and rape trials are considered particularly heinous, and that the law is designed to prevent one innocent person from going to prison, even if it means 100 guilty go free, and some analysts would suggest the threshold in these cases is more like 90-95%, not just 80%.
But in recent years, partly with the improvements in DNA testing, the claims “it didn’t happen” were more easily refuted. In those cases, there are often plea deals, easily “solved”. The remaining cases are now more about arguments that “it happened, but it wasn’t a crime.” And therein lies the biggest problem of all for rape trials. The perpetrator admits that sex happened, but that the victim wasn’t a victim, but a consenting and willing partner.
Identity is proven, the “act” (of sorts) is proven. The whole focus is on intent. One of the most difficult things to prove under any circumstances — what was in the mind of the accused when the crime was committed? Was there malice? Was there clear purpose? Was there knowledge of a crime being perpetrated and callous disregard for the victim and the law? If it is a murder case, and the accused killer planned the crime meticulously, set up an alibi, snuck away from a party and stabbed the victim 32 times with a specially bought hunting knife, snuck back to the party, hid the evidence and tried to get away with it, pretty good evidence of intent.
Now look at the claims in a consent-focused case. The rapist says, “I’m not a rapist. I wanted to have sex, she wanted to have sex, we had sex, now she claims she didn’t consent. *I’m* the victim here, she’s lying.” Whereas the criminal justice system had to determine semi-establishable “facts” before (it happened, it didn’t happen), now it has to determine not only what was in the rapist’s mind but, in effect, what was in the victim’s mind?
With the Cosby case, and Ghomeshi, the cases are going to focus on whether or not the person consented. The victims say they didn’t, the accused say they did. The court cases therefore are going to look at the alleged incidents in detail to analyze if there was evidence of consent or not. Something they are completely ill-equipped to do.
They have to do it all the time in other types of cases, normally contract law. There is a classic case from the UK where a voice coach offered voice lessons and a mother brought her daughter to him for “voice improvement”. AKA singing lessons. They signed a contract, the lessons began. But the teacher was a pervert, and told the daughter that if she had orgasms at full volume, it would improve her voice. And being the helpful teacher he was, he offered to have sex with her to help her reach her full volume. She agreed, they had sex over multiple lessons, mommy found out, instant shit storm. At trial, the defence said, “Hey, she consented.” Which was sort of true — the daughter did consent. And she was of age. But the court said, “She consented to voice improvement lessons, that’s not what this was, therefore she didn’t consent to what you offered her and you didn’t offer her what she was consenting to, ergo, there was no “meeting of the minds” and no consent.” And a rule was born. If two people try to form a contract, and one is, say, intending to buy a red Toyota, and the seller thinks it is the blue Honda, then they never consented to the same thing. No consent, no contract, everything null and void. In contract law, that is all pure and simple. Almost a mistake of fact, and thus no common intent, and thus no consent. Except contract law is CIVIL court, where the threshold is 51%. Not a criminal case at 80-95%.
In criminal cases, it’s a giant shit storm of the highest magnitude. And quite frankly, I really don’t want high profile cases trying to figure out what “consent” means. Partly as the media will grab hold of it, twist it, groups around the country will get up in arms about perceived meanings of every nuance. A shit storm.
Take the Cosby case…the media went batshit crazy a few months ago when an old deposition by Cosby was made public by the courts. For reference, Cosby is accused of drugging his victims and then having sex with them, often using quaaludes. The deposition from a former sex assault/harassment case (it was a bit confused, wasn’t at trial stage yet) had Cosby saying that he bought quaaludes and when asked why, he said “for sex”. As I said, media outlets went crazy, and women’s groups pointed to it as the smoking gun. Vast media coverage everywhere. Sounds damning, doesn’t it? Except the deposition wasn’t quite that clear. He didn’t say, “I give them to women to knock them out so I can have sex with them.” He said he bought them to give to women for sex, which sounds like mere semantics until his lawyer gets him on the stand and he says the missing words were not “to knock them out” but simply “in exchange” for sex i.e. he was acting as a drug dealer who would get “paid” (or rewarded in his mind) with sex in exchange for giving them the quaaludes. Not quite the smoking gun, slam dunk the media outlets portrayed. Damning, sure, but when it gets to trial, the court will have to decide which version is the truth. For a criminal case, is the first version strong enough to meet the 80% threshold? 90%? 95%?
People assume from watching shows like Law and Order: Special Victims Unit that serial rapists are common, and that multiple victims increases the likelihood of conviction at trial, but that is not necessarily the case. When you see a show on TV, one of the biggest elements they talk about is “M.O.”, the modus operandi, the method of operation. The same pattern. The victim was always lured, raped, killed, and posed in the same fashion. Always a librarian target, always evidence of vaginal bruising, strangled with piano wire, laid out in a Sunday dress, with an Easter bonnet tied with the same knot, and a note in the pocket of the dress, in the perpetrator’s handwriting and written in the victim’s blood. A pattern that would be impossible to duplicate. A master criminal. If they did one crime, they did them all is the argument.
Except, in reality, the court has to find the perpetrator guilty of each crime separately. That means identity has to be proven for each, intent for each, and the act for each. The person could be charged with six crimes, and if there is no identity for #3, they won’t be found guilty for that one. If one of the three elements is missing entirely, the person cannot be legally convicted on that count. Even if convicted for the other 5.
Which means M.O. is interesting evidence for Cosby and Ghomeshi, but not conclusive. Particularly as it really dangerous if it goes the other way…a person who had the same situation but it was consensual. Go back to the prostitution example…they need evidence that marks this behaviour different from non-criminal behaviour. If the defence shows a similar situation, with similar evidence, and it wasn’t a crime, then the court case is in trouble.
Which isn’t to say it didn’t happen. I’m willing to accept that it did. It’s just that criminal system has no way of determining fact from fiction. Although even fiction is a problematic phrase. It implies black and white dichotomies, that one person is telling the truth, and the other person is lying. But “intent” is about the state of mind of the perpetrator…which goes back to the voice coach…would you have a different outcome if the pervert actually thought it would improve her voice? If he actually thought he WAS giving her voice improvement lessons?
The defence for both Cosby and Ghomeshi are going to argue “constructive consent”. Some will call it “implied consent”, and the media will have a field day with it, interviewing every women’s group they can find to blast society and men and the entire legal system. But it is quite different.
I’ll digress to deal with implied consent for a moment. People argue it doesn’t exist, but it is a fallacious argument. Take the average romantic relationship, maybe even a simple romance of a Victorian era. Jane Austen at the typewriter constructing a blooming romance between two consenting adults. The woman, a headstrong woman. The man, a dashing liberal who admires her ways. They butt heads, they flirt. He takes her hand in his. SCREEEEEEEEEECH.
He just committed an assault. He has no right to touch her, or for that matter, anyone ever to touch anyone. Under the law, it’s an assault.
Did anyone ask first before they took the hand of their current partner? Did they get it in writing? No? Of course not.
Look too at the classic image of two young lovers, same-sex, different sex, doesn’t matter. The blooming romance. The first kiss. They lean in. They pause. They both move forward. Their lips touch. SCREEEEEEEEECH.
Another assault. No prior contract of consent. No agreement on how hard to press lips. No agreement on the use of tongues or not. Of course not, because that pause was a question and the answer was the two of them moving forward/nor recoiling in horror.
Implied consent. It happens all the time between consenting adults. People in healthy, consenting relationships do not say, “So, do you consent to sex with me tonight three times, no bodily fluids, you may touch my neck with your left hand, you may put your right hand here, etc.” It’s not how life works. And like with the prostitution example, the courts cannot and will not say, “Every sex act forever and in perpetuity must have a written document filled out three days in advance, subject to a cooling-off period, notarized and witnessed by at least two parties who have no romantic attachment past or present with the consenting parties”.
And if someone for Ghomeshi or Cosby argues that the fact they were together at all equals “implied consent”, well it’s going to fall flat pretty fast. As it should.
No, the real issue for them is what they are going to have to prove to show consent. To be clear, they are arguing the victims fully consented. For them, the same problem — “he said, she said”. So they have to prove consent. And their only way to do that is through what is called by some “constructive consent”. It is to show that the nature of the situation, the “construction of the events in question”, are more consistent with his claims of consent than her claims of no consent.
But that is a pretty complex nuance…and while the media will mess it up royally, even the criminal justice system is ill-equipped to handle it. Let’s look at some of the elements. Note that all four are completely irrelevant to the actual question of did she consent or not.
First, what sort of relationship was it? Was it friendly, cordial, or had it been romantic recently or escalating that way?
Second, what happened on the day in question? Was it distant or intimate? Put bluntly, was it a romantic getaway for two with one bedroom? Were they making out on the dance floor like horny teenagers? Were they passionately necking in the corner with their hands all over each other?
Third, what was the nature of the actual assault? Was there force, weapons, aggression to overcome the resistance or was there wine and roses?
Fourth, what happened afterwards? Did the woman run straight to the police, never see him again, tell her friends / counsellors / therapist immediately or did they continue to date, interact, etc.?
So, I said all four are irrelevant and they are. But when the court has no evidence other than the two statements, they have to look for corroborating evidence of some sort to move from 50/50 or flipping a coin. So what would the four elements tell them?
They tell a narrative.
In the accused’s best version, they have a romantic or increasingly romantic relationship, with an intimate passionate day, wine and roses, and a continuing romantic relationship showing not only consent before and after, but basically “ongoing”. Including for the instance in question.
In the victim’s best version (legally), there is a cordial but distant relationship, no intent to go further and have sex, a flat refusal met with some form of coercion (either physical, emotional, or implied), and the relationship terminated immediately afterwards.
The accused’s version makes it look like any relationship, something that cannot be made criminal by the courts without indicting every couple everywhere; the victim’s version looks almost the same as the classic sex assault case, without the ski mask.
Unfortunately, cases are rarely clear for either version. Relationships are often messy. Maybe the woman was innocently flirty, or afraid to reject the man. Maybe they were romantic but it wasn’t progressing smoothly, there were fights and drama. Things happened behind closed doors. In the bedrooms of the nation. They consented to kiss, but she had no intent to have full intercourse. She said no clearly, she was afraid to say no. He was physically threatening, he was physically imposing. Past traumas contributed. Women are traumatized but stay with the person afterwards out of fear, loathing, guilt, etc. Alcohol and/or drugs were a factor for both parties.
Does any of that change whether she consented? Nope. No means no. Anything other than yes means no. But absent a tape recorder in the room or a signed document, the court has to figure it out somehow.
Cosby’s case will be a cakewalk for the legal system compared to Ghomeshi’s. If they can prove that the Cosby victims unwillingly took drugs, or even willingly took drugs, before the sex, there is a pretty good chance they’ll argue they couldn’t consent to anything, and that’s a decent argument.
For Ghomeshi, consent is going to go way deeper and darker. Because some of the victims were in an ongoing relationship that included rough sex. Courts have often ruled that people cannot consent to harm themselves, therefore anything that harms them is deemed non-consensual. But there are exceptions and changes. Euthanasia and assisted suicide do a pretty fair amount of “harm”, and that is more allowed. Consensual. Boxers, MMA fighters, and hockey players have a high-level of voluntary assumption of risks in their endeavours and are deemed consensual, yet the same activity on the street would get them a couple of years in jail.
So, the rough sex is going to have to be analyzed since some of the complaints are that the sex was forceful. Ghomeshi is likely to argue that it was merely consensual rough sex with strong elements of domination. And since the courts are going to be loathe to rule that all rough sex between consenting adults is non-consensual by default, they are going to have to see if Ghomeshi’s behaviour was non-consensual from the get-go or became non-consensual by crossing a line.
Great fodder for media outlets but terrible ways to communicate how the legal system ought to or does treat sexual assault cases. High profile murder cases that follow classic legal elements — identity / act / intent — are fantastic examples. High profile sexual assault cases that go to the heart of consent and the psychology of the accused and the victims at the time of the instance are likely to be terrible poster children for teaching moments.
Oddly enough, I am not happier when it is handled through civil lawsuits rather than the criminal courts. As I mentioned above, a civil trial has a 50% threshold, not the 80-95% threshold of a criminal trial. So lots of people think this is fantastic, a great way to counteract the he said, she said problem. Easier to “convict”. Except it isn’t a conviction, the only remedy is basically money. That’s how O.J. Simpson got dinged…he was freed on criminal charges, but found liable for damages in civil suits brought by Nicole’s family. It’s a weird way to “resolve” a murder case, but whatever works, right?
Well, no. Not really. Because civil cases are completely free-for-alls. Cosby is already suing the alleged victims for calling him a rapist — because if they can’t prove 51%, *they’re* going to have to PAY HIM. And all the worst forms of victim shaming can happen in a civil case. Prior sexual history, drugs, cheating on their third-grade math test. Anything and everything is going to get thrown around about anybody and everybody. It is a no-holds-barred, knock-down-drag-out fight between private parties. In criminal cases, it is the state doing the prosecuting, and there are certain areas to examine, prosecute, argue. Civilized in comparison.
In my opinion, Cosby is going to be a cakewalk for the criminal prosecutor, but with low likelihood of serious convictions; the civil case is going to be a bloodbath with lots of judgements against him. For Ghomeshi, I think the criminal cases have a decent shot but likely without serious penalties.
There are no “good news” stories coming out of any of this. So, when it comes to the courts looking at areas they normally suck in, and are ill-equipped to handle, my safewords are stop and hell, no.
Well, it’s the last day of the year, and time to take stock of my goals for the year. I enter my “taking stock” phase with two massively competing paradigms — epic failure for failing to complete or even start many of them vs. satisfaction for the progress I’ve made on some of them.
For blue / mind / organizing / planning goals, my two big ones for the year were to do more on astronomy and a kitchen renovation. For the astronomy, I am really happy with the new alignment procedure I have, and the new “wifi” tool. They basically “saved” my interest in astronomy, and I’m much more confident now that I can use my telescope to find things that are actually worth finding. That’s a huge achievement, and it worked well. I was a bit surprised that I lost steam in September, and barely used my scope all fall. I didn’t have much luck with my Canon T5i being attached, but I think I need to find someone who has experience taking pics to walk me through the setup and use. I’m just not figuring out the focus right. I’m not looking for “wow” factor, I’m just looking to snap some basic shots of what I see through the scope. For the kitchen renovation, it is done. In June I said we were “back on track”, but that was before the schedule went way off the rails and the stress kicked in. I am happy it’s done, and later this weekend we’ll do some organizing to fix up a bit of the configuration. Call it maybe 3/5 for astronomy and 5/5 for home reno. For various other blue commitments:
Tracking my to do list didn’t take hold as well as I had hoped (2/5);
Scanning was wiped out completely by refocus on uploading digital files to the website instead (0/5);
Backups were probably 0/5 up until yesterday when I did full backup of Andrea and my computer (4/5);
I haven’t done anything on photography, knitting, juggling, origami or a meteor shower (0/5); and,
For courses, I completed some more of the video games through Coursera, and registered in the psych course at Carleton, but most of my “study” time has been devoted to French for the last month when I was trying to get studying going again (1/5).
For the green / emotion commitments, my two big commitments were better engagement with Jacob and random acts of romance. For Jacob, the “nights with Dad” were a bust for the “activity” side of things, but he does like going out for dinner with me. Two things that were a hit? Hockey cards and Lone Star. Call it maybe 3/5. For the random acts of romance, I’ve been a deadbeat husband. Call it 0/5. Sigh. The start of the year started out okay with things like flowers and stuff, but by the end of the year, survival mode kicked in around August and I was just waiting to the end of the year on most things, which doesn’t leave me much green energy for emotive behaviour — that’s not an excuse, just an analysis of some of my internal failure.
For other activities, I did a few wing nights with the guys, but honestly, I’m the only one who organizes them, only 1 or 2 tend to come, it’s a hassle to try and pick a night when people are free even if I announce a month in advance, and while I enjoy it, it’s not worth the personal investment. I end up enjoying the people’s company who come, but disappointed that others aren’t interested. Without seeming like a pathetic loser, I wish I had more guy friend outings. I don’t “need” them, I’m too much of an introvert for that, just wish they were more spontaneous. I’ll comment more on this a bit below on another issue. On siblings, I have changed direction considerably. I was hoping to reach out more, but I honestly haven’t had the emotive energy the last six months. My one brother is spiraling, and I don’t know how to help him even if he would accept help, which he won’t; the one sister and I haven’t seen much of each other this year, just busy; and the brother in town I see even less. We skipped the corn roast party in August due to the kitchen renovation, I did some relatively minimal website support for my friend on his AstroPontiac campaign (although little for me to do lately), and I had a charity hack idea that I decided to just drop for now. It intrigues me, but too much work, not even enough resonance with me. Call all of it 0/5.
Not surprisingly, the lack of emotive energy was on full display in Peterborough over Xmas. I am not a social being by nature, and being around extra people was draining of the little energy I had left for the year. I was burned out getting to the Xmas holiday break, and really needed to recharge. That hasn’t really happened yet. I don’t get energized by emotion/social/leadership activities, the only thing that builds me back up quick is analytical / organizational work. Part of my plan for Monday (I’ll blog more about that later) but I’m glad Andrea was patient with me over Xmas…I found myself hiding out in the bedroom way more than I would normally, just to get away from people. I got some new puzzle games for my phone, and that helps too (building up my analytical energy).
However, my epic green failure for this year though was my plans for a giant project in November. I kept most of the details secret as I worked out the various issues, and it went belly up in about March/April. It was basically an awareness campaign around prostate cancer, and I did a lot of the early prep work. Enough to realize it wasn’t going to work. So I killed the campaign. I have a new idea for the coming year, one with more of a guarantee of going ahead but also with less payoff other than awareness. Time will tell if I pursue it or not, haven’t done my planning for the new year yet. About 2/5 overall, and that’s being generous.
For the red / physical / directional commitments, most of it was around being more active. That took a large backseat to some other stuff although I tried to maintain my back exercises and yoga stretches. Walking was a no, no new dentist or doctor, did do my sleep test, no for rappelling or zipline, and I’ve ditched the the polar plunge option for this year. Call all of that a big 0/5 across the board, although with some promising things in place for the new year. The one positive development of late in the red side was career-related, as I’ve been doing a lot more french work of late than previously, and I have a game plan for January onward. Quite happy with that, although far from formal progress I suppose. Call it 2/5 at best.
For the yellow / creative commitments, the giant overarching commitment was to write 500,000 words this year. Actually, that was my big commitment for the year and I came out of the corner swinging. Active blogs on development, personal experiences with Jacob, reviews of TV premieres — lots of different topics. When I ditched the “campaign” goal above in green, that killed any chance of likely reaching my writing goal for the year since much of that writing was going to be for the campaign. No campaign, no corresponding word count, and I didn’t replace it with another goal. I took the hit for it above, but I didn’t want to take the hit for it in my writing goal too, so I modified my goal partway through the year. My goal was to take my website of about up to 500K words worth of content. Not including this post, I’m going to finish off with a wordcount of around 400K, with another 25K in the pipeline. My carryover from the previous year started at 200K, dropped to 100K with a change in website design, and so about 300,000 words for the year. That is far less than my goal, but six times what I’ve ever written before. That number floors me, and despite the “shortfall”, I’m giving myself full marks for it of 5/5. I kicked ass.
Sort of…here’s the issue, and it applies to regular Facebook posts, tweets (1400+ this year, most of which were TV episode reviews), memes (200), quotes, comics sharing, and the Creativity Challenge:
Zero take-up.
I have written blogs where I poured my heart and soul into them, shared them with friends. Nada. Zilch. Rien. Nothing. Crickets chirping. Oh, sure, people read the posts, or at least opened the page. My web trackers tell me they did. Not in astronomical numbers, but a few here and there. Sometimes a couple of dozen. It’s not like I’m writing stuff for the masses, so I’m not looking for huge feedback or anything. But take the memes I was doing…some were kind of cute. 0 shares. On a good day, a couple of likes. No comments. No interactions hardly at all. Much of the year translated into shouting into a void. Let’s be clear, I’m not looking for love here. I’m looking for resonance, some sort of metric that says someone read it and thought it was at least interesting, or well-written, or even embarassingly bad. I don’t care, just something that changes it from writing in a diary and sharing things online. Like with the wing nights I mentioned above. Some sort of resonance with someone. Some basic connection.
It goes back to the basic question of who I am writing for, and while that remains nominally and predominantly myself, as I don’t write for the market and never will, whatever I’m doing, I’m not reaching ANYONE. My HR guide still remains popular, and it came together nicely for the first few chapters and I can see the rest as it’s forming, just need to find the time when I actually have the energy to write. But more importantly, I have to come to terms with my writing having zero resonance in its current form. Overall, I’ll give myself 5/5 for doing the work, and 1/5 for having it be relevant to anyone, average of 3/5, which is probably generous.
Where does that leave me for the year?
Category
Big ticket items
Little ticket items
Blue
4 / 5
1 / 5
Green
1.5 / 5
0 / 5
Red
1 / 5
0 / 5
Yellow
5 / 5
3 / 5
Overall Rating
2.875 / 5
1 / 5
Of course, I’m trying not to be completely anal about the year being less than productive since life is about balance and change, and lots of things happened over the course of the year to change the experience on the battlefield. I didn’t get to the Photobooks, but I did completely revamp 4 websites for a new hosting platform. I didn’t get to my passport renewal or compare costs between grocery stores, but I did cut the cord on cable and make a bunch of improvements to technology services in my life. I didn’t do as much studying as I wanted to, but I did figure out the list. I didn’t spend as much time with friends, but I’m better at spending time with myself again. I didn’t do as much community work, but I am now helping with a website for another community group. I didn’t give blood, but that is partly a problem with the damn blood services people being unable to answer a couple of basic questions easily, and I can’t do it at a regular blood drive — Amazon calls it removing friction from transactions, but the blood drive people have their limits that I haven’t pushed past yet. I didn’t do my exercises much this year, but I also hurt myself twice when I started doing them, so that didn’t take. Sure, I didn’t do my movie extravaganza weekend, but I did do Pop Expo again. Reading started off huge for the year, and I binge read a ton of stuff in March (enough for the year), even if it wasn’t the list I intended. Crime and Punishment stopped me cold so I have to get that going again. Ditched the spiritualism and gratitude journal, but we are at least saying grace more regularly. Recipes went out the window for my involvement, but Andrea did a bunch of new ones we tried for Epicure in the fall and some were good enough to add to the rotation. Balance, trade offs. They happen.
I said at the beginning that I was smack dab in the middle of two competing paradigms. The first is the “epic failure” idea, i.e. that I did so poorly on my ambitious agenda to be PolyWogg 4.0. At best, I was PolyWogg 3.0 still. Maybe, maybe 3.1 in some areas. Certainly not 4.0.
The other idea though came from an article I read in the Harvard Business Review about a guy who did this odd career coach thing where people in all stages of development do a feedback session, and the “candidates” make a presentation about themselves to a group of critics/evaluators. Then, the critics give them summary feedback, the equivalent of a tweet to rate what they said (not how they said it, but what they’ve accomplished, their “story” if you will). One guy outlined all his accomplishments, professional successes, etc., and the youngest one in the feedback group gave his feedback — “Nice start”. At first the guy was really put out by it, almost dismissive, and then he realized the truth bomb — the kid was saying, “So what are doing with it now? What’s next? Why is the story relevant?”.
For me, I don’t know the “why”. I only know the general direction at the moment. I’ve figured out the who for the journey (myself, Jacob and Andrea); the what and how are clear in the short-term (some of the key areas I want to work on); the where is Ottawa; and the when shifts (sometimes NOW, sometimes “I’ll get to it later”). But the “why”? I want to know where my story goes too. Because what I’ve done is a nice start, and I took a few more steps this year, but the destination is still out of sight.