My new personal development model is updated, and it looks like this:
After doing the analytical work to develop the model, setting my goals is almost anti-climactic, particularly for this year when I’m much more focused, less ambitious. Last year, my goal was to get me close to PolyWogg 4.0 with the theme that 2015 was the year I commit. Instead, it was closer to the year where I should have been committed.
I didn’t get to version 4.0, I’m not even sure I didn’t backslide at times to 1.0. I certainly don’t feel as confident starting the year as I did starting last year. Far less optimistic, far less hopeful, far more prudent, far more realistic. I’m going to battle this year just to maintain my current ground. I might make progress in small areas, but I also don’t want to just “hunker down” as I did for the last few months of 2015. But the only way out of my current funk is to fight my way through to the other side.
And so, to that end, here is my revised tracker for 2016 goals, which I will update for January and February at the end of February.
Not surprisingly, I spent most of my time on the draft model thinking about the “blue” stream. As I said earlier, I had hoped for more comments about the model to get me thinking, refining, riffing off other people’s ideas, but that didn’t happen much. I did benefit a lot from one friend’s comments in particular and it helped me crystallize what the blue stream means to me, so thanks AG!
It’s probably more granular than I need it to be, but I would see it having six streams that probably collapse into three:
A learning stream that combines basic intellectual processes with a sense of curiosity, expanding out through exploration and knowledge accumulation, and culminating in applied, directed learning with a strong analytical component (since we’re in blue, it might be more “creative” if it was in yellow, I suppose);
A communications stream that is basic communication, self-expression in a variety of forms, and more applied comms skills like languages…I suspect there is a more “applied” comms category that would encapsulate some of the yellow forms of communication too (singing, art, crafts, dance, etc.) but for me it is probably mostly language at the top level (my blog would be the self-expression form, I suppose); and,
A self-control stream that combines self-possession / relaxation / stability to give a strong core base, some self-esteem + calming techniques + routine in one’s life, and finally culminating in self-confidence, advanced centreing, and ultimately increased “order” to one’s life. I suspect a lot of people would put the relax / de-stress / peace / calm elements in “green” for earthiness, yellow for inner peace, or red for directing one’s energy, but for me it is primarily about ordering the mind, and hence blue.
Category
TIER ONE (Basic Needs)
TIER TWO (Developmental Needs)
TIER THREE (Self-Fulfillment Needs)
Blue (Intellect, analytical, learning, organization)
Essential cognitive skills Curiosity Ability to communicate Stability Self-possession Relaxation
Analytical skills Applied learning Language skills Order, organization Self-confidence Centreing
Blue is my go-to energy, the one that both gives me energy and energizes me as I’m using it. The perpetual battery for introverted analytical-types. That’s me. And the more I have moved to the “centre” to balance blue, red, yellow and green, the more dissonance there has been with my true self. I’m a blue. I’ve always been a blue. It’s my core, my strength, my claim to fame and my passion. It’s time I embraced my full blue self.
While Kermit may sing about it not being easy being green, being blue for me is like falling off a couch. Point out a situation, and I’m already analyzing it, including why you pointed it out. I’m fast, I’m analytical and intuitive, and I’m damn good at it. Of course, being blue blinds you to some insights from green/red/yellow approaches, but focusing on them has also diminished the quality and productivity of my blue side. In terms of bases, my blue is rock-solid for the learning and communications streams, definitely in Tier Three most of the time. However, the self-control stream has taken some hits in recent years. Probably because it is the least interesting of the three streams, the most mechanized, the most drudgery-filled form of work. Lists, tracking, review, more lists. B-O-R-I-N-G! 🙂
This means for every activity I do in the self-control stream, I will reward myself with activities in the other two. Plus, overall, I want to have at least have one blue for each of the other colour’s priorities i.e. I have three priorities for each of the other three for a total of nine, meaning I have room for nine blue priorities, with no more than three in self-control and six in the other two streams.
I am keeping my astronomy interest going. I didn’t get as far as I would have liked last year, but I did manage to get the tracking mostly fixed. This year, my focus is expanding my skills for the moon, using filters, and taking some astrophotos (moon, planets and globular clusters). Basically, taking my skills from basic to medium in the applied learning stream.
I am also going to complete two online courses this year — the one I am already doing for Understanding Video Games, and I have some ideas how to better access the content for that in my schedule, and then on to the Psychology course. I haven’t been prioritizing it the way I should, but I have hope this will be a nice addition to the applied learning stream.
I have installed Kindle Unlimited on my tablet, and I have set myself an ambitious reading challenge for the year. 26 authors, 26 books or groups of books. I am not sure how I will finish them all this year, but I’ll see what I can accomplish.
For the communications stream, I am going to write a LOT. Some blog, some for books (HR Guide plus additional volumes). While a lot of this looks like “yellow” creativity, there is also a LOT of blue energy involved in researching, organizing, analyzing, developing a structured framework to explain my point of view.
Similarly, while it may look like creativity in yellow, my photography skills need more attention this year. I really want to get the basics down for certain types of landscape photography, including for water. I took some nice shots this past year, and I quite like them, but only a handful would make my portfolio of anything resembling art.
I’m going to count another aspect of communications and writing separately from the first one, and that is my reviews of TV episodes and books. I like the format, and process, that I have now for each, and I’m going to keep adding them to my blog. They’re a bit different from the other writing though, hence why I am counting it separately.
For the self-control stream, some of it already addressed on the physical side (red) with yoga and stretching. As such, my three priorities here are a little tighter in focus on the mechanical aspects. First and foremost, I’ve switched over to a new organizer/app that I can run on multiple computers, tablets and phones, and it will always be live and synchronized. Will it keep me organized for calendars, tracking, and finances? Only time will tell, but I’m using part of it already more than I was, compliments of two new apps (Sunrise for a calendar and TickTick for the todo list). I need to redo my bucket list to be a much more practical, prudent list for example, and I think I’ll be able to include it in the app.
On the cyber front, my two big things for the coming year are going to be organizing my photo and music collections and setting up a good reliable backup system.
Last but not least, I’m going to set up my “honey-do” list finally. I’ve managed it in multiple forms, but it’s time I set it up clearly and unreservedly and set myself a goal of doing at least one thing off it a week. I’ve got a good start on the basic form of it, but I need to prioritize better.
So that’s all of the list, just need one more thing. My slogan. Something strong and provocative as it is my saving energy. How about: Live Blue or Die! 🙂
I spent a bit of time thinking about the green sections, the “emotion” side for intuitive introverts, after I had finished the draft model. It wasn’t really “singing” to me. I reworked it below to focus on three streams — one for family, one for the intellectual outward-facing side (?) of emotion leading to spiritualism, and one that is more about community. I don’t know if it is quite the right model, but it works better for me than the previous one.
One of my big items in the last year was connecting more with Jacob, and I wish it had gone better. I had hoped that Jacob would be interested in “big” event style evenings where we did a project or something together, maybe crafts, something. But that wasn’t really grabbing the cub’s attention. He did like helping me build some shelving, but that was the exception rather than the rule. Instead, we’ve settled into a bit of a father/son routine going out for dinner once a week while Mom does other stuff, often to some place like Lone Star. My favorite memory of the past year was sitting at the bar with him, having fajitas, and he was watching a hockey game or something while listening to the music, and he was bobbing his head, just rocking out to the tunes while we sat there. We chat about his day, eat some good food, and I let him play on his (or my) tablet when he’s done while we’re waiting for bills and things. Not the active event I was hoping for, but it’s something. He has also upped his abilities for playing video games, so I got him started on the Playstation One games that I have, of which he really likes the racing games. I’m trying to get him more into “first person” adventures like Crash Bandicoot as that will open up some other things we can do together too, but we’re both having fun just playing. I’m also constantly amazed by his abilities to integrate information from multiple sources, pull it back out of his head, and drop it into conversations at the right moment. Not to mention hearing my own limited teachings about sports parroted back to me, often right on cue. My son, the analytical sponge.
The other item was for supporting Andrea while she finished her Masters in Education, and I think we’re both glad she’s done (her obviously more so than me!). But we’ve also drifted somewhat in the last year too. Somewhat because of the M.Ed., some because I’ve been doing more on social media for reviewing TV episodes etc. and we haven’t been watching anything together. I think we’ll probably have to make more effort to schedule things like game nights, maybe even (gasp) go for lunch together once in awhile since we work in the same building. It’s nice to have her back in the car for the morning commutes. But I’ve also drifted in the last year too much on food preparation, she’s been doing almost all of it. I get the groceries, and make sandwiches / chop veggies for lunches, but dinner has been mostly her. Mainly because she gets home an hour before I do and by the time I’ve driven home at night, I’d like to sit and decompress for a bit before diving into anything. And the fact that it’s easy to let her do it, particularly with all the new Epicure recipes in the last few months. We’ve been going for NAC outings, but I think we may have to start scheduling more outings just the two of us, maybe even once a month. Hedonistic self-indulgence, I know!
Andrea and Jacob are also my lifeline for connectedness. With isolation from friends and extended family, as I discussed in the yellow goals post, they’re the only proof that I’m not a budding sociopath. While I can’t “use” them to compensate for my social deficits, they do help me pull my head out of my ass often enough to be sociable. But, like most dominant blues, I find green energy both rewarding / supportive AND draining / exhausting. I like going home to Peterborough, visiting with the in-laws etc., but Christmas was exhausting. I just could not keep up the pace of social interaction, and it wasn’t that high, but I frequently had to absent myself to the bedroom to just disconnect and read/relax. Which is partly why I took this week off too. I needed a week just mostly to myself to get my blue energies going again. Honestly, I probably need a month, but I’ll have to settle for a week for now. The sense of ennui that has enveloped me for the last three or four months was starting to look like low-grade depression, and I have struggled to get my focus back.
Category
TIER ONE (Basic Needs)
TIER TWO (Developmental Needs)
TIER THREE (Self-Fulfillment Needs)
Green (Connections, emotion, family)
Family Awareness, tolerance Environment
Affection, extended family Morality, lack of prejudice Acceptance, affiliation, connectedness
Love, intimacy Spiritualism Community, respect by others
But it has slowly returned. And while I held off on my “slogan” for the red and yellow until the end of the post, the overall message that keeps ringing in my ears for green is a very simple “stick to the knitting” metaphor. Jacob and Andrea are my core priorities, really my only priorities. So I’m probably somewhere between Tier One and Tier Two overall, not fully reaching Tier Three on all aspects yet.
We’re hoping to take a trip sometime this summer, hopefully out West or North, but we’ll have to see how Jacob’s schedule works out for that (he might have some procedures done that would limit walking for a spell, so we might be in need of a staycation). So, I can’t quite commit to that one.
For community, I still maintain the website for Astropontiac and sit on the board, but there’s not much to do for that. I’ve also taken on web support for the school council for the cub’s school since Andrea does the newsletter. It isn’t much work, a few updates here and there in WordPress, but it’s something. I mentioned earlier (in the yellow post) that I killed my big “awareness” campaign for last year, and not planning one for this year either. Web stuff is a good role for a blue introvert, and I can even do all of it by email, no in-person interactions required! Plus it is time-shiftable, mostly. I had thought about doing something too around “charity hacks” or fund-raising via a polar plunge, but those are not likely to ever happen, and I’m taking them off the list.
So, three priorities again:
Reconnecting with Andrea;
Boys nights out with Jacob; and,
Website support for BGPS and Astropontiac.
Not getting too ambitious and overtaxing myself. Core priorities, nothing more, nothing less. Sticking to the knitting.
Yellow is the social and creative category, and I confess this one is a challenge for me right now. I really need to build my blue energy back up, and the only way to do that is through analytical work (for the most part). Yellow is the opposite energy, the draining energy, and it certainly is for social activities.
I’m going to throw myself a small pity party for a moment; although I am not actually seeking the pity, the wording is hard to nuance away from it. I am a strong introvert, that is and always will be true. And yet everyone needs friends. Or at least that is the popular psychology model, and I have little room to doubt it. However, I suspect that introverted analytical-types need it a lot less than extroverted intuitive-types. But here’s the thing, and I could put it here or put it in green for “emotions, etc.”.
I’ve kind of become isolated over the last year or so. It isn’t that I don’t have friends, but they’re not the “doing things together” type .One of the few things I do with “friends” as a group is arrange wing nights for the guys. I’m not super athletic, so I’m not going to ball tournaments, hockey outings, etc. And I hate parties generally – I don’t want to have nor see 1000 friends, just a handful. Honestly, for most of my friends, unless we create an occasion to see each other, we won’t. Our paths just don’t intersect that much outside of work. While I organized four or five wing nights last year, each one had a maximum of two other people show up, most only one, and one of them I cancelled as no one was interested. Some were spontaneous, others were planned weeks in advance, same result – nada for response. Or almost nada. It just doesn’t interest the other people, and I’m the only one organizing it. So I’m killing the wing nights.
Equally, I spent a lot of time on Facebook last year. Most of that was deliberate as part of my creative side, but some of it was compensating for the lack of in person contact, or at least I think some of it was that, probably. And same result. I feel more like I’m annoying people than connecting with them. I’ve known people in my life like that, used to be quite close with someone like that. Who tried but couldn’t seem to crack the social code to friendship. I think, in part, I was living under a small delusion of grandeur since my wife, Andrea, is a lot more social than I, and I think I was basking in the spillover glow. But it’s been clear for some time that I’m not resonating with people, pretty much on any level. And while that sounds like the pity party, it’s not.
The pity party is that it bothered me. It never used to. It goes with my personality. And at one time at least, I was perfectly happy going to movies by myself, restaurants by myself, etc. Maybe it’s the lack of alternatives, but I realized recently it had been bothering me, and I hated even more that it WAS bothering me. I used to be stronger than that. I need that spine back. Which isn’t to say I’m going to be a hermit or anything, or anti-social, but I am going to lower my expectations considerably. To relish what I get, to accept the value of what I do have, rather than wondering why not more. Or as the kids in Jacob’s old kindergarten class were told, “You get what you get and you don’t get upset”.
Category
TIER ONE (Basic Needs)
TIER TWO (Developmental Needs)
TIER THREE (Self-Fulfillment Needs)
Yellow (Expression, social, creativity)
Friendship Basic creativity
Openness Functional creativity
Spontaneity Applied creativity
Which then takes me back to the model. Friendship is going on the back burner, I’ve spent far too much energy on doing the wrong things in the last year with little return, and no great insights. One step up from that is openness, and that is part of what this blog is about. Not sure what to do with the spontaneity side, not sure it’s relevant if the upstream activities are not already met.
On the creativity side, I’m hoping my writing will allow me to build some yellow energy to fight against the drains on my blue energy. I think I’m somewhere between basic and functional, not sure if I have enough of a base to reach “applied” in the same manner.
In terms of activities, I had thought of a large social awareness campaign last year. I wanted it focused on prostate cancer, but the intellectual model was a bust early on. I was thinking of trying again this year, maybe something around “preemie awareness”, and I might do something small, but here is another giant kicker which I think puts me closer to Tier One than Three. I spent a LOT of time last year on FB and Twitter, building my blog, etc. I created memes, almost 200 of them. I tweeted over 1500 reviews of TV episodes. I brought the blog word count up to 400K worth of words. And what response did I get? None. Maybe 40-50 likes on Twitter, a handful of followers, maybe 20 likes in total for the year on Facebook. A smattering of comments. I tried questions, I tried provocation, I tried cute, I tried serious. Nothing. Which isn’t surprising…we’re basically talking social marketing, and a blue analyst with limited social skills is not the best person to be doing that. I thought maybe I was smart enough to get over the natural limitations of my personality and social preferences, but apparently not even close. So I’ve closed the book on all that hoopla.
Which means the only three things I’m doing this year are:
writing, including posting some of my attempts at fiction;
cooking, including perfecting a few targeted recipes; and,
making photobooks.
Again though, I need a slogan. Something that both keeps my expectations and activities in check, while leaving room for growth. Something like:
I posted my basic model some time ago and got a very small number of comments. I had hoped I might get more, but it is time to get a move on with the model with some minor adjustments.
I think Tier One is mostly met. Obviously, I have food, shelter, clothing, sleep, basic health. I probably should put a small asterisk after sleep as it isn’t the best because of my sleep apnea, but that is mostly a function of weight at the moment. Basic health is fine, I suppose, although ongoing issues with fatigue and occasional neurological/cerebral issues that have no apparent cause. I have taken this past week off to get my crap together as I’ve felt unfocused and unproductive for a few months now, and it’s time to set some direction.
Category
TIER ONE (Basic Needs)
TIER TWO (Developmental Needs)
TIER THREE (Self-Fulfillment Needs)
Red (Expansion, physiological, action-oriented, work)
Food Shelter Clothing Sleep Basic health
Employment Resources Property Functional health
Career development Applied health
Employment is met, and jumping ahead to career development, I think 2016 will be more about maintenance than trying to make huge gains anywhere. Resources are more than adequate, could benefit from a bit better planning perhaps, and property needs some maintenance.
The real gaps is functional health and applied health. Probably more of a cascade from Tier One (upstream) to Tier Three (downstream). But at least the areas are clear.
In terms of actual activities, I am limiting myself to a maximum of three:
Regular stretching and yoga to hopefully reduce the need for regular chiro and massage, but a balance of the two will hopefully keep me regular for a while until the benefits of some of the other activities kick in;
Adding in alternating daily walking and martial arts kata, plus more weekend excursions; and,
Recertifying my french levels for work.
That’s it, pretty simple for the most part. Except for one thing. I need a slogan for my red activities, something to remind myself that this year is different, and I really want to avoid fluff, nor am I inclined to take much crap from people this year. Not quite the “shit-free” year I had back when I was about 32 or so, I was an asshat for part of that year mostly as I wasn’t taking anything from anyone for any reason. I miss the spine I showed that year, but I’m not willing to go quite that hard-core. The advice for people dealing with “reds”, particularly when briefing them for work, is to “be bright, be brief, be gone”, and that’s not a bad reminder for me, so I’ll work with it.
