humour – Page 8 – The PolyBlog

↓

JAVASCRIPT IS DISABLED. Please enable JavaScript on your browser to best view this site.

JotD: Maintaining standards (PWH00018)

May 28 2025

A man’s off-road vehicle breaks down in the middle of the Mojave Desert. It’s the middle of summer, and the area is not named “Death Valley” for nothing, so he decides to hike out. By the time he finally reaches even a dirt road, he is on his last legs and dying of thirst. Up ahead, he spots a roadside stand and a shack. He gets to his feet and stumbles up to the stand. “Water!” he croaks. Morris, the owner of the stand, smiles. “Hey, I don’t sell water. My brother Sam sells bottled water in the shack next door. I sell ties…Wanna buy a tie?” “No, I need water,” the dying man says. So, he drags himself over to the door of Sam’s shack, hauls himself up on his feet, and starts to walk in, when Sam, the shack owner, stops him. “Sorry, can’t get in without a tie!”

JotD: Cold text (PWH00039)

May 27 2025

What do you call it when it’s so cold that you can’t text properly? Typothermia

JotD: Getting older (PWH00015)

May 16 2025

Three old ladies were sitting around talking. One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich.” The second lady chimed in, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.” The third one responded, “Well, I’m glad I don’t have that problem, knock on wood,” as she rapped her knuckles on the table. Then she told them, “That must be the door, I’ll get it!”

JotD: Surprises (PWH00010)

May 15 2025

One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of-breath Freddie who shouts out, “Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is screwing the cow!” Uncle John, highly embarrassed, takes young Freddie aside and explains that a certain decorum is required. “You should have said, ‘The bull is surprising the cow’ — not some filth you picked up in the City.” A few days later, Freddie comes in again as his uncle and aunt are entertaining. “Uncle John! The bull is surprising the cows!” The adults share a knowing grin. Uncle John says, “Thank you, Freddie, but surely you meant to say the cow, not cows. A bull cannot ‘surprise’ more than one cow at a time, you know…” “Yes, he can!” replies his obstinate nephew, “He’s screwing the horse!”

JotD: You might be an astronomer if… (PWH00030)

May 14 2025

You might be an astronomer if… 1. The weather is affected by your purchases; 2. You get upset when someone confuses astronomy and astrology; 3. You spend more time choosing a telescope than a spouse; 4. You think cities should issue hunting licenses for streetlights; 5. Your observing equipment costs more than your car; 6. You rewrote “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” to make it factually correct; 7. When people say, “it’s all politics,” you think they’re talking about Pluto being demoted; 8. You pack more equipment than clothes for a two-week vacation; 9. You are jealous of places with regular blackouts; 10. Your daughter Pleiades can’t walk, but she’s already seen Orion’s belt; 11. You and your lover drive to a dark, secluded place to see meteors…and you do; 12. You know that the size of your equipment really does matter; 13. You wonder how the clouds know when you get your imager in focus; 14. You consider Venus to be a significant source of light pollution; 15. You go to Hawaii just for Mauna Kea; 16. There are no tools in your car, but you always have a red flashlight, binoculars, and bug spray; 17. You consider Canon vs. Nikon debates to be fighting words; 18. You bought a vehicle based on the size of your scope and number of accessories; 19. You no longer enjoy full moons; 20. You spend $20K on a scope even though you only get 40 clear nights a year; 21. Someone says “Uranus”, and rather than giggle, you correct their pronunciation; 22. When people ask you “What’s up?”, you start identifying visible constellations; 23. You know an Iridium flare isn’t a medical condition nor found at a traffic accident; 24. You see night scenes in movies and calculate the time of year and latitude; 25. You can say “So that’s an 8 inch, want to see my 12 inch?” without blushing;

↑