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Articles I Like: Hindsight 2070

The PolyBlog
April 8 2019

Vox.com asked 15 experts in their fields to predict in 2070, i.e. 50 years from now, what will we look back at that we are doing today and think, “WTF were we thinking?”. They use as an example, the idea of smoking from back in 1964, and the dramatic falls in smoking rates. Jim Crow-segregation laws. Or drinking and driving. As we learn, as we evolve in our thinking if not in our society, what will we drop by the wayside? The full article can be found at: https://www.vox.com/2019/3/27/18226563/50-years-wrong-side-of-history-future-prediction

I went through the list, and here is my reaction:

  1. Eliminating youth tackle football. Generally, I agree, although like the article points out, the issue is more about head trauma and collisions. So it won’t likely be just tackle football, but heading soccer balls, contact hockey, etc. We’re pretty close to it now, I don’t think it will take 50 years. On the flip side, we are also putting kids in a bubble and I think that will decrease — we’ll balance out where the REAL dangers lie, and it won’t be in banning lawn darts or making them wear a helmet to go on a trampoline. We’ll figure it out, and the big dangers will get eliminated, and some of the smaller ones will be shown to have been overkill reactions with no real reduction in risk.
  2. Eliminating bosses and wage labor. Well, we started off strong, and then we went into the utopian toilet. The argument, such as it is, is that we will be able to self-govern, elect our own managers and pay a tax for the use of the space, rather than being exploited by a boss or company overlord. Uh-huh. Sure, and the proof is that cooperatives are so much more productive (albeit on small scales) and we have universal social services. Really? We do? Around the world? Everywhere? I don’t think so, Sparky. I suspect that we’ll have the ability to put our consciousness in robot bodies before we eliminate capitalism and wage labor. It might look different, but the format won’t change much.
  3. Eliminating eating meat. The expert’s argument is that it is unethical, but offers absolutely no path that would lead to the enlightenment they suggest will happen. It is merely their wish, based on their own views of the current practices. They even note the size of the industry, but with nothing to offer to counteract it. The one sole fact offered that might lead to an awakening is the contribution of animal agriculture to climate change. By extrapolation, if climate change becomes a clear and present danger, and animal agriculture is seen as a major contributor, it would therefore be ripe for reduction. I tend to agree, but for totally different reasons. Labs are synthesizing things at record rates, including 3D printing organs. While I don’t think we’ll be at the Star Trek “replicator” stage in 50 years, it seems unlikely we’ll be doing anything like today rather than simply replicating it in a lab. And with price differentials, people will switch to save money (or because it eventually becomes the only thing available). Fresh veggies will be hard to replicate, but something that tastes like chicken or beef? They’re already there in trials.
  4. Eliminating conspicuous consumption. The theory is that people won’t spend their money on “things” in ways that stand out, and I tend to agree. But more from a “falling prices due to technology” rationale that certain things will not be terribly different from a quality perspective…you’ll be able to get the same tech in your cheap phone as in your expensive phone, for instance. The same building materials in your housing construction. However, I think there will still be two conspicuous differences — travel and services. For those who can afford it, they’ll either be able to travel large distances rapidly (think being able to live in the mountains but work in a city when needed, with only a 20 minute commute) or they’ll be able to afford to live in relative proximity to where they work (i.e. e-commute, if that’s even a term or they’ll just work anywhere). That isn’t likely to change from what exists now, it will just expand as technology expands. Secondly, I think people will pay for expensive services like high-speed travel to vacation destinations for a two-day holiday in the Caribbean, like going to a cottage. Or trips to a lunar base. Everybody may be able to do it, but the rich will do it faster and in more luxury.
  5. Eliminating the drug war. This one is pretty confusing, but if I understand the weak argument, it is that drug regulation works but prohibition doesn’t. So fifty years from now, we’ll see that prohibition of anything is silly and therefore we should just regulate it and focus our enforcement efforts when it is diverted from the legal supply chain. The part that is confusing is the argument that the opioid epidemic argues somehow in favour of this. Except that is what we have now. Regulations of opioids, not outright prohibition. You can’t get them legally for recreational use, no, but even regulating them for medical use has failed. So the solution is to follow alcohol, tobacco and weed into the regulatory world so anyone can legally buy heroin. WTF? Umm, how about not too freaking likely? Far MORE likely is the development of alternative drugs that produce similar highs but without the addictive side effects, or that can be counteracted easily. Personally, I suspect there is more to be accomplished in this regard with light and sound, and maybe touch, than with pharmaceuticals, or some combination of the four.
  6. Eliminating how we currently treat dying people. I suspect the person is on to something here, which is no great extrapolation from what we already see. People talk more and more about dying with dignity. And as modern health care and preventative medicine put the 100 year life within reach more easily, I suspect there is more likelihood of bodies outliving the functional mind. In the end, no pun intended, I suspect we’ll still see a spectrum of options…doing everything medically possible to prolong life, transitioning to a mix of intervention and palliative support, and a proactive palliative approach that allows people to choose their timing and manner of death.
  7. Eliminating bans on sex work. I’m on the fence on this one, mainly because there is little policy evidence either way. Most of the argument is based on short-term studies or anecdotes that suggest regulation will provide more protection and end exploitation. And I might be willing to buy that argument if the sex industry was more gender-neutral in its numbers. But it would still be a predominantly female industry servicing male needs, kind of hard to see that as anything other than discriminatory and exploitative. I simply don’t know, and I don’t think any of the so-called experts do either. They have theory and belief, but not enough past that yet.
  8. Eliminating voluntary self-funded retirement funds. Technically the argument isn’t that they should be eliminated entirely but rather that they shouldn’t have been allowed to replace mandatory savings for retirement. In the US, they have 401(K)s, in Canada more RRSPs. And they’re not wrong about the inadequacy of the measures. Even in Canada, the classic assumption that you would pay for your retirement through three means — 33% federal retirement support (i.e. CPP), 33% personal retirement investments, and 33% savings — is not that credible any more. The savings portion of course includes things like real estate holdings, and the federal pension is present, but people are not reaching sufficiently high-enough levels in personal retirement savings to cover that aspect for their final days. And when the final days stretch from age 65 now to 85, 90, 95, 100 or more, that money needs to stretch farther and farther. Most Canadians and Americans are not reaching the savings levels needed to get there. The proposal in the article is to eliminate the 401(K)s and RRSP-like tools, and instead focus attention on boosting the universal pension. The cost of doing so is enormous, and might work for those who are age 25 now and would dip in at age 65. But the top ups to cover those who are already nearing the end of their earning years? Unbelievable levels to cover current and future enrollees. 50 years to convert? Maybe to start on it, but not “fix”. And they’ll still exist as an alternate source.
  9. Eliminating voluntary military service. So there’s a double-negative in the article that is hard to write around, but basically the argument is that we’ll think we should have never abandoned the draft. Umm…okaaaay. The argument is that we have replaced a “connected to the public” military with a disconnected volunteer army, and that this has led to a disintegration of understanding of foreign policy, institutions, etc. And as a result, we’ll see that in 50 years, we’ll wish we had a more engaged public that is knowledgeable about military matters and international relations. That has to be one of the dumbest arguments I’ve ever seen. And the article even acknowledges it, that the existing system works. But laments the other costs. That apparently only the author sees tied to military service. Because compulsory service works so well elsewhere to ensure international engagement? The argument only works, and then only somewhat, if you see the primary focus of international relations to be military-based. Which most countries don’t. Not in physical form anymore, it’s all trade and cyber wars.
  10. Eliminating trust of Facebook and Google. Again, the argument is hard to understand, mostly because it is written by someone who makes money by hating Facebook. Basically it argues that FB and Google are getting away with stuff that 50 years from now we’ll think was ludicrous. My reaction is, “So what?”. We think the same thing of companies from fifty years ago. And people then thought the same of companies 50 years before that. But guess what? We’re sheep. The argument is that these platforms did nothing to protect users over the last few years, they’ve been misused by people for elections, hate speech, etc. Yep. It’s called democracy, bucko. They don’t police it, the people do. And people are STILL driving to the platforms in droves. The Russians used FB to subvert an election? Did the American people stop using FB? Nope, they went on FB and shared articles about how FB was being used to subvert democracy. If you follow the chain of logic of a bunch of other strands of arguments about life 50 years from now, I think sure everyone will wonder what was going on, but as much about the companies as the sheep we are handing over vast quantities of data about ourselves in exchange for a free online platform. That’s the crux…if you want better, you have to pay somehow. If you get it for free, you suck it up buttercup.
  11. Eliminating abortion. Why the hell would the article include an “expert” who seems to actually know little about the topic (or at least shows wilful blindness to causes for trends) and writes from a clearly biased perspective of a right-to-lifer? A pro-rights expert could have written the exact counter argument with only a few sentences changed and a couple of adjectives. It ain’t going away because the writer is against it. There’s a reason why it trumps legislation. However, idiocy aside, I was disappointed that the article didn’t cast a much wider net to talk about some of the counter-factuals that go in all directions — improved technology for contraception for both sexes, faster testing to know even earlier in clearly non-viable stages, improved technology that pushes viability from 22w down to 18w or even creates options to transition earlier to some form of artificial womb environment, changes in economic and social supports to reduce stigma and increase social viability, and potentially for a continued decreased role for religion vs. science. In essence, I guess I would have liked to see more consideration of the factors that drive simple birthing choices today, and the views toward all-natural home births vs. medically-assisted deliveries. I might not have agreed with the author, but at least it wouldn’t be because they were arguing personal values.
  12. Eliminating driverless cars. So again, the double-negative is at work here. Basically, the argument is that we will be upset that we eliminated drivers and embraced driverless cars, or, conversely, that we wasted so much time on driverless technology. She’s a bit in both camps. Generally, I disagree on the technology front. And when she talks about the social side, I disagreed in part with that too. I think driverless vehicles, on small scales, have a potential to improve social contact. People talking in the car together. Yet she makes two good points. First, not explicitly, anonymous rides on shared transit aren’t exactly social utopias. Will cars be like that too? Second, really interesting, she wonders if driverless buses and cars, which also increase a sense of anonymity and faceless oversight will lead to decreased protection for women. Whereas a driver on a bus is “in charge” and therefore has to watch for the safety of the passengers, even if only as a witness or to call for assistance, driverless vehicles for mass transit could lead to ugly Darwinian outcomes. And there have been some pretty bad examples from subways that have few personnel in them to regulate behaviour. While incredibly interesting, and innovative, I am not sure it counteracts the likely drastic increase in surveillance by the state and the companies that have the contracts. Or the possibility of in-vehicle security measures. At that point, I suspect we’ll be looking at pretty robust monitoring systems just to ensure nobody is messing with the vehicle, let alone the passengers. Doesn’t mean they’ll feel safe though. Hmm…
  13. Eliminating false assumptions about rationality. The article takes “behavioural economics” and behavioural psychology to the extreme and says “hey, we’re thinkers and feelers, and you can’t separate the two”, and from there argues that eventually we will wonder why we ever thought we could. In essence, that we will have much more understanding of the way we work in the future and thus be able to redesign economies and social structures that work for our messed up personas that don’t act rationally. I agree with the insight, I don’t agree with the outcome. Basically because it is the same argument that has sustained philosophy and psychology for hundreds of years…the goal to better understand the self. And while we occasionally have insights, we rely on our rational brain to find them. Or our personal bias. We can’t turn it off to be the analyst we need. And I don’t see the great understanding of the human condition arriving in the next 50 years, or the next 1000 if we remain planet-bound. Not until we can exit our solar system can we even begin to understand the totality of our lives, literally from outside the bounds we know. Trips to other planets will help, but home will still seem like Earth.
  14. Eliminating moves toward private education. The argument is that education is a universal good, and privatization messes that up. I don’t disagree. But there is NOTHING in the article that suggests that privatization will go away, just that we might decide that the quality offered by the state as a great equalizer of opportunity (a social contract element) has to be sufficient to make a difference within a generation. Yet the inequality is not going to go away, not completely. There’s always going to be something else that a rich person can buy that a poor person can’t. A trip to an exotic locale that the poor person can only see in pictures; an experience that one can have that the other can only read about. The more provided by the state, the more the rich can spend their money on other inequities that complement education.
  15. Eliminating the idea that there is a “right or wrong” side of history. Of all the pieces, I like this one the best. Time doesn’t reveal truths, it reveals opportunities for growth or descent. It can be used, as MLK is quoted, for constructive or destructive purposes. I like it so much, I might just go buy the author’s book.

It was an amazing thought experiment, and I loved the article. But it has got me thinking. What do *I* think will be viewed as ridiculous 50 years from now?

The most obvious one is the current belief that climate change is about the environment. Climate change will change every aspect of our lives…economics, social structures, psychology, and even our fundamental understanding of who we are as a species. It will drive changes in technology for work, life, travel, medicine, food production, recreation. And the debate about technology vs. nature will be viewed as laughable…we’re not going back to an agrarian society, we can’t, and the only way forward to survival is finding a way for technology to be used to protect our habitat. To be forced into being compatible and life-enhancing. Fifty years from now, we’ll wonder how people could think of climate change in such narrow terms.

I also think people will think the idea of physically going to school or work is weird, like using a rotary phone is to us. The future is virtual, and while social functions will still happen IRL, much of the rest of our pursuits likely won’t. Why would anyone need to commute to an office rather than “jack in” in the sci-fi parlance? Similarly for schools. Commuting daily will be atypical. But our concept of distance and time will shift too. With rapid transit options, perhaps the ability to go from Montreal to Toronto in 30 minutes or less, people congregating will able to be done without people having to live right next to each other.

Lots of sociology theorists posit a change in family make-ups, but I don’t really see that. Our expansion of understanding for different genders will increase, the exact mixing and matching of “combinations” so to speak will increase from historical assumptions of four combinations (male / male, male / female, female / female, single) to vastly greater variations, sure, but I don’t think it will drastically change the idea of two people forming a bond and growing a family unit in some form. I think that is more basic psychology of the self wanting its own tribal unit, and I doubt it will change much.

I don’t think we’ll have flying cars, although I do think we’ll have new options for rapid transit and certainly more autonomous means than a large bus, train, or plane. Maybe that’s a form of mini-pod that you ride in that merges with other transit systems and accelerates you at high speeds. I doubt we’ll have transporters either. No Star Trek world. But I do think that in ten years we’ll have some form of lunar base, and within fifteen it will be permanently manned. I also think we’ll have our first human born somewhere other than Earth in about 25-30 years, likely on the moon. We’ll reach Mars in about 20 years, but it will be at least 40 until we can get there quick enough to leave anybody behind for any length of time. And fifty years? I think we have a shot at visiting Jupiter too.

We will not have found a way to transfer consciousness to a computerized robot, but we might find a way to transfer knowledge in some form. We will however have smart-houses out the wazoo, likely eliminating the need for previous versions of robot butlers. I expect there will be some form of germ sanitizer that creates almost a self-cleaning environment, but primarily focuses on sanitizing us without the use of water. I’m going to miss long showers.

The weird one? I think we’re also going to think the idea of cemeteries is ridiculous. The unprecedented level of death due to demographics that is coming will overwhelm our ability to give someone a piece of land for eternity, and people are already finding reasons to move cemeteries now to make room for progress. After we get through the changes for how people die, I think we’re going to have changes for what we do with their bodies afterwards. I feel an almost shudder passing through me as I say it.

Alas, I doubt I will see it. I would like in some ways to believe that I will live to see the year 2070, or even 2068 at the age of 100. I somehow doubt it, given my current body condition or mental faculties. But I feel a sense of peace knowing that Jacob will see it, and probably in the company of his mother.

What do you see happening in the next 50 years that will look different from now?

Posted in Learning and Ideas | Tagged forecast, future, ideas, prognostication, technology | Leave a reply

Why I’m not upset about the reaction to the Amber Alerts…

The PolyBlog
February 18 2019

This past week, Ontario issued an Amber Alert for a missing kid in Toronto. For those living elsewhere, under a rock, or with old phones, Amber Alerts in Ontario activate the emergency alerts on everyone’s cell phone (well, at least everyone’s phone that is turned on, has the volume on, has the alert notifications on, and is new enough to receive the alert). It worked, more or less, the way the alert is supposed to work. It went out, people’s phones activated the emergency alert/alarm, and eyeballs saw the pic of the missing kid.

Except that a lot of people reacted badly to the alert for a number of reasons. However, let’s focus on a pretty clear and equally important distinction. Nobody REALLY reacted badly to the alert, they know what Amber Alerts are, and there isn’t suddenly a boost in the number of sociopaths around the province who don’t care about kids and are willing to say so publicly. No, what they reacted badly to was that after 11:00 p.m. at night, while many were either sleeping or resting comfortably and quietly at home, their emergency alert went off on their phones, waking some of them up and scaring the crap out of a huge number of them. Most of them immediately grabbed their phones in panic and thought, “What the **** is happening?”. War of the Worlds redux? Tornado? Earthquake? Doug Ford had a new policy idea?

Then they picked up their phone, saw the Amber Alert, went through the reaction of dismay, regret, sheepishness for panicking, etc., and then moved on to irritation and outright anger. Not that they got an Amber Alert, but they got a SCARY AND LOUD Amber Alert. Late at night. And a lot of them took to social media to complain, but a not insignificant number actually called 911 and the police tip lines to complain about how the alert was done.

People on social media keep posting about how terrible this reaction is, after all it’s a missing kid, and it was fueled by the police proactively saying the response was “disappointing”. Actually, I didn’t find it disappointing or upsetting at all. Because people knew this was going to happen.

For a bit of context, the new emergency alert system on all the phones is partly designed to replace the old antiquated system of air raid sirens and TV broadcast signals. Do you remember it on TV? It was a multi-coloured bar graph image that said over top with loud beeping that “This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. This is only a test.”. New era, new lives, new ways to communicate, so the governments (municipal, provincial, federal) all got together with cell phone service providers and mandated that all the new phones would have this. They tested it last fall, and it was an abysmal failure. But I digress.

The point IS that the Amber Alert uses the exact same system. So, the Amber Alert that was issued did the equivalent of setting off every emergency air raid siren from Windsor to Montreal. The kinds of alerts that are issued to tell people they are in immediate danger, seek shelter, or in a certain era, to ridiculously duck and cover. The alerts are LOUD, SCARY (like a klaxon), and ATTENTION-GRABBING. You could not hear one and think, “Oh, maybe I got a new email” or “Someone must have tagged me on Facebook, how cute”.

The powers-that-be who run the Amber Alerts want to make sure people see the alerts, so using the same klaxon guarantees everyone will see it. When the system was being designed, and people said they could use it for Amber Alerts, policy people said, “Wait, what? You want to use an air raid siren for a missing kid? Don’t you think people will complain when they find out it’s not ‘imminent danger, seek shelter’?”. They hoped and assumed, wrongly, that it would be a handful of people, despite evidence it wouldn’t be “just” a handful, but noting that it would depend on the context. If it was during the day, and the kid was found using the Amber Alert, people would probably say “Okay, it works”. The worst case scenario for the AAs was that the first one would be at night, and the Amber Alert would not only NOT help, but also it was going to turn out to be a terrible outcome. Which it mostly did. While Machiavelli is wrongly quoted as saying “the ends justify the means”, his real advice was that when people judge your means, they will look to the outcome. Success can bury a lot of displeasure.

But the government knew all this when they made the decision. It went ahead anyway, it happened, and they got a backlash of people who look at the decision and think, “This is the stupidest implementation ever.” As customer feedback goes, that’s pretty damn important feedback to get from your citizens. You dismiss it at your peril, particularly if you write it off as just citizen douchebaggery.

Instead, let’s look at what the policy goal of the Amber Alerts requires.

First and foremost, it requires eyeballs. It is not unlike herd immunity for vaccines, you need as many people as possible, hopefully EVERYONE, to see the Amber Alerts. And while you think that “settles the matter”, as a lot of people on social media seem to claim, it doesn’t. In fact, it points to a GIANT problem. Because if the alarm goes off while people are sleeping, and it scares the crap out of them enough to piss them off, what are they going to do? They’re going to turn it off. I don’t mean turn off their phones, I mean they’re going to follow the advice of a bunch of people posting on social media — they’re going to turn off the alerts. All Amber Alerts, all emergency broadcasts. Bye-bye herd immunity. There’s a simple fix, make the Amber Alert a less invasive alarm. They’ll still get it, it will still pop up on their screen, but you won’t be pissing them off enough to go unvaccinated.

Second, there is no Good Samaritan law in Canada that requires people to do ANYTHING, EVER. Mostly because the history of Good Samaritan laws tends not to compel people to do anything, it just makes courts play Monday morning quarterback to punish someone for not doing “anything” to help someone in need, which requires a pretty detailed case-by-case analysis that is almost never able to prove malicious intent. Without that legal compulsion in place, Amber Alerts desperately need the rationale goodwill of the citizens. 100%. In popular vernacular, “If you see something, say something.” If they’re annoyed by the KLAXON ALARM, they’re trying to shut it off as fast as they can. They’re not looking at the pic to see if maybe they saw the person, they’re just mashing buttons to get it to stop. And as soon as that emotion of irritation kicks in, the ability to focus and thoughtfully review the image is greatly reduced in efficacy, if not gone completely.

You absolutely do NOT want someone trying to shut it off just to shut it off.

A lot of people argued that sending it after 11:00 p.m. was the problem, that they couldn’t possibly see anyone anyway if they were at home or even asleep. That won’t wash though…maybe you were at a diner hours earlier and saw them. Maybe you passed them checking into a motel. Maybe they were getting gas near you an hour ago. The alerts have to be on the phone and you have to see them as soon as you check your phone. Preferably with some sort of prompt to get you to check your phone when you can.

Some people said, “No, we really wanted people to see it who were out driving.” Wait, really? Someone is suggesting that the “safe” solution is for you to be driving down a highway, not touching your phone in any way, shape or form since that’s ILLEGAL in Ontario, but it’s okay to suddenly have every driver reaching to figure out how to turn off a BLARING KLAXON IN THEIR CAR? That’s a “PLAN”? Try again.

Others complained that the scope was too wide. This is the worst problem for Amber Alerts. Often in the case of a missing child, there’s a parent involved, not a kid getting grabbed at the mall. Say, for example, Parent 1 handed over the child to Parent 2 for the day, perhaps 9:00 a.m. in the morning, and the kid was supposed to be dropped off at 6:00 p.m. By the time Parent 1 realizes Parent 2 is not coming, and alerts the police, and they do the basic confirmations that suggest it’s not a simple miscommunication, it could be 8:00 p.m. or later. Best case. Which means the kid has now been “missing” since 9:00 a.m., not 6:00 p.m. Eleven hours. Just driving, that puts a kid from Toronto halfway through Northern Ontario, all the way to Quebec City or into New Brunswick, or deep into the U.S. If airlines were possible, Europe, all of North America, and parts of South America are in play. So the scope is huge, even after a few hours.

But people aren’t completely wrong either. The initial percentage play is going to be closer to home, unless there is clear evidence otherwise. Perhaps issue the klaxon for everyone within 200 km. People will immediately see it as a “local problem” and give a lot of leeway. Use the other alert format for people outside that range. Or maybe 300 km. It’s not hard to field test and survey people. And it’s not like the government didn’t get told this would happen.

Eyeballs and goodwill. Both are required. But if people think the implementation was stupid, and are angry enough to actually have a significant number call 911 to complain (think about how small a percentage of people would do that, look at the numbers who did, and extrapolate backwards to the reactions), we won’t get either the eyeballs or the goodwill.

If you want to set off my alert? I’ll say go ahead. Any time, any day, anywhere. I’ll look at it, review it, and likely end up dismissing it. But you’ll get my eyeballs and my goodwill. I might be mildly irritated if I think it was badly implemented, but when I judge the means and look to the end, I’m okay with it. But I’m not surprised or upset that others don’t all feel the same way.

People knew that reaction would happen and decided it was worth the pain. I just hope we don’t lose the herd immunity in the process.

Posted in Learning and Ideas | Leave a reply

Reading Jeffrey Kottler’s “Change”: Chapter 14 – Why Changes Don’t Often Last

The PolyBlog
November 15 2018

The last chapter of Jeffrey Kottler’s book, “Change”, was one of the ones I was most looking forward to reading — “Why Changes Don’t Often Last”. The sobering statistics are quite common in pop psych — the huge numbers of people who set New Year’s resolutions but abandon them before the first week is out (often from trying for perfection in “Just Do It” mode rather than incremental chain-growth like the Seinfeld method mentioned earlier), and that 80% of those who join gyms stop going after the first few visits even though they keep paying for membership for much longer (the illusion of still being committed that would be shattered by formally quitting their membership).

Oddly enough, I was quite surprised at the beginning of the chapter that those who study change don’t have a firm grasp of why it fails. First and foremost, those who are heavy at work in the change industry — like therapists or weightloss consultants — don’t know what happens after the patient reaches a goal. There is the pop psych results, such as the fact that almost all of the contestants on the weightloss show “The Biggest Loser” end up gaining all the weight back later. But there is no ongoing follow-up in most clinical or therapeutic settings. And thus no info on if the patient/client relapsed or slipped. Secondly, change is often not a “point in time” measurement but a journey, and thus is quite complex and difficult to measure quantitatively, particularly for a moving target. Thirdly, the results are demoralizing — huge numbers of relapses. So studying it isn’t very satisfying or helpful to clinical treatments.

Nevertheless, Kottler does have a rudimentary list in the headings of why change doesn’t last:

  • Limits of will…good intentions are not enough, and we don’t always have full control over our lives;
  • Unrealistic expectations or lousy goal-setting;
  • Dysfunctional beliefs…including defeatist attitudes, and, perhaps more importantly reasons NOT to change and stay stuck:
    • You feel justified in self-pity;
    • You can blame external factors or others for your problems;
    • You have an excuse not to do it;
    • You get sympathy;
    • No reward but no risk of change;
    • You can avoid addressing deeper issues;
    • You can be a jerk and blame your condition;

Put a little differently, “you can remain miserable on your own terms” [pg. 305]. It’s heavily about control of what is familiar vs. risking loss of control with trying something new. In other words, flat out fear.

But you also may lack support (or have others who are enabling triggers for your old behaviour — there’s a reason why alcoholics and drug addicts are actively encouraged NOT to hang around their old friends and family members who may have not only introduced them to their addiction but also actively enabled it…it’s hard to leave port for a better world if you’re still weighed down by an anchor that ties you to your old habits); suffer from other traits or moods that are not conducive to the change (and might need addressing too); or have poor coping skills / preparation (or even just lack the knowledge of how to implement a change).

However, all of the previous chapters came down to pages 308 to 315 for me. I wanted to make one very large change in my life — lose weight — and I was stuck. So I was looking for an enhanced understanding of why I was stuck and how to overcome it. These 8 pages helped me craft a kind of “to do” list.

Success depends on:

  1. Conducting a fearless inventory of the costs, benefits, patterns and triggers of your “issue” (to make all the pieces clear to you, both in pulling you forward and in resisting change);
  2. Finding the right motivation (to allow you to commit in the first place);
  3. Substituting better or different habits to replace the previous ones (even if just to use the time differently);
  4. Building in consistent rewards (to gamify the journey);
  5. Committing wholeheartedly (to carry you through); and,
  6. Changing the narrative of your journey (to reinforce the change and oppose relapses).

The book, and this list, gave me a way forward. I’ve handled 3 of the 6, and I’m working on the remaining 3. Onward to the journey! (#50by50ish #50 – Lose weight – Part 1, the decision).

Posted in Learning and Ideas | Tagged book review, change, goals, personal development | Leave a reply

Reading Jeffrey Kottler’s “Change”: Chapter 13 – Soliciting Support and Resolving Conflicts in Relationships

The PolyBlog
November 15 2018

Jeffrey Kottler says he saved the most difficult subject for last in his book, “Change”, and it is addressed by Chapter 13, “Soliciting Support and Resolving Conflicts in Relationships”. He isn’t kidding. There are some really tough things in this chapter, often dealing with abusive spouses, parents with addictions, and family problems out the wazoo. It is both a problem in and of itself as well as an obstacle to other changes being accomplished. A list he includes of the types of changes you would like to make in relationships is an extremely powerful one, simply put:

Changing the patterns of those that are frustrating, unsatisfying, or unfulfilling;

Setting boundaries for relationships that aren’t meeting your needs or are taking a bite out of your soul;

Reducing the level and intensity of conflicts with others, especially those locked into repetitive patterns;

Ending relationships that don’t seem amenable to necessary changes;

Enhancing intimacy with friends and loved ones;

Feeling and expressing more love and caring in current relationships;

Initiating and broadening new relationships that meet interests and needs that are currently unsatisfied;

Experiencing more authentic, caring, honest, respectful, and fun exchanges with people on a daily basis;

Processing and recovering from perceived slights and relational difficulties in the past;

Practicing forgiveness to let some things go and move forward without lingering resentment; and,

Learning from past mistakes, misjudgements, and relationship breaches in order to enhance future connections. [pp. 276-277]

If you’ve done any past soul-searching about relationships, you could likely read the above list and think, “Yes, please”. All of them sound good. I’ve certainly faced hard truths in the first four. In the end, it led me to one of my greatest insights and freedom from some avoidable pain…

I trust people to be who they are. Not who I want them to be, nor who I unrealistically expect they should be, but rather that they will be who they are. It’s stupid, I know, but it reminds me of a scene in a Star Trek: The Next Generation episode. Small geek diversion…Data is about to do a war game against Riker, and is trying to postulate what Riker will do. He starts to tie himself into knots to wondering if Data thinks that Riker will do X, then Riker could change his behaviour by knowing that Data thinks what he’ll do (X) and therefore Riker will do Y. Except if Riker knows that Data knows that Riker knows, etc…In the end, Troi counsels him that Riker can’t avoid being who he is at the heart (a risk taker with a penchant for innovative solutions). A stupid geeky reminder, but one that I find strangely comforting.

And from that “truth bomb”, that I should expect people to be who they are, I found the basis for a much different relationship with my mother when I set some clear boundaries (such as games I would not let myself be tricked into playing) and changed the pattern of expectation and disappointment from what I thought/hoped she would do to simply what she did do. I expected (and loved) her to be herself for her last ten years, not the mother I wanted her to be or expected she should be. Just who she was. By contrast, another relationship had passed its healthy expiry date and had become consistently toxic, so I ended it. And with #6, I make sure that I tell my son every day how much I love him.

I’m still working on many of the other ideas from #5-11.

Posted in Learning and Ideas | Tagged book review, change, goals, personal development | Leave a reply

Reading Jeffrey Kottler’s “Change”: Chapter 12 – Changing People’s Lives While Transforming Your Own

The PolyBlog
November 15 2018

I am not sure how to review Chapter 12 of Jeffrey Kottler’s book “Change”. The chapter isn’t bad, and it focuses quite well on “Changing People’s Lives While Transforming Your Own”. The problem is that it is a bit narrowly-focused.

If the change you are looking for in life is that you are unhappy, I suspect it is a decent chapter. It deals with altruism vs. reciprocity, the “helper’s high”, being part of something bigger than yourself, paying back (altruism born of similar suffering), or even “my life is my message”. Namely living according to your principles, transformation through service. All laudable, good elements. 

But if you are dealing with a problem like weightloss, or a specific addiction, but you are generally happy in your life, or you are already in a service mindset, it wouldn’t be a very helpful chapter. I’m not sure it is even worthy of being a separate chapter. I guess it depends if you are having more of an all-around existential crisis about your life or just want to change something specific.

Overall, I thought it was okay, just long and not very specific.

Posted in Learning and Ideas | Tagged book review, change, goals, personal development | Leave a reply

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