religion – The PolyBlog

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JotD: Spiritual comfort (PWH00009)

May 9 2025

There was a horrible automobile crash, and the driver of the car lay on the side of the road dying. A passerby said to him kindly, “Why don’t you say a prayer?” “I don’t know any,” said the stricken man. “Haven’t you had any contact with religion?” “As a boy, we used to live next to a Catholic Church.” “That’s it!” said the well-wisher. “Just repeat what you heard in the church!” “Okay,” said the injured man. “Under the B-15! Under the I-22!”

JotD: Oy vey (PWH00008)

May 2 2025

Henry Cohen’s parents were not happy that he was not married by the age of 30 and they kept telling him so. He wanted to please his parents but couldn’t meet a nice girl. In desperation, he married a goyish prostitute. His new wife’s friends were worried because she had stopped showing up at her regular street corner, but one evening she appeared, in new clothing and fancy jewelry. Naturally, the friends were curious, and she told them how she had married a nice Jewish boy. “What about his parents?” they asked. She answered, “They love me. After Henry told them about us, they had a party every evening for a week. They called it shiva.”

JotD: God’s Total Quality Management Questionnaire (PWH00006)

April 25 2025

Quality Management Questionnaire from God Quality Management Questionnaire from God 5. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? 1. How did you find out about God? __ Tarot __ Lottery __ Astrology __ Television __ Fortune cookies __ Advice columnist __ Psychic Network __ Dianetics __ Palmistry __ Porn __ Self-help books __ Rock and Roll __ Biorythms __ Tea Leaves __ ESP __ Mantras __ Evangelists __ Crystals __ BDSM __ Human Sacrifice __ Pyramids __ Burning bush __ Barney T.B.P.D. __ Barney Fife 2. Which model of God did you acquire? 6. Please rate on a scale of 1–5 God’s handling of the following (1=bad, 5=excellent). __ Father, Son & Holy Ghost __ Jehova(h) __ Yoweh __ Jesus __ Alah __ Satan __ God __ G_d __ False god Disasters: • Flood • Famine • Earthquake • War • Pestilence • Plague • Cable service • Cell phone • RTO • Stepping on Lego • Snow in April 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 Miracles: • Rescues • Remissions • Stars in East • Crying statues • Water into wine • Walking on water • Talking bush • Smart clocks • Sports win • Laughing babies • Robin Williams 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 3. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a god? __ Satisfy parents __ Society __ Imaginary friend __ Desperate need for certainty __ Like Organ Music __ Angry at parents __ Angry at society __ Needed focus in who to despise __ Talking shrub __ Wanted to meet girls/boys __ Need to feel Morally Superior __ Hate to think for myself __ Needed a reason to live __ Fear of murder by a missionary __ Needed a day away from work 4. Have you ever worshipped a God before? If so, which false god were you fooled by? 7. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God’s services? (Attach an additional sheet or prayers if necessary) __ Odin __ Zeus __ Cthulhu __ Apollo __ Ra __ Barney T.B.P.D. __ Almighty Dollar __ Liberalism __ Great Spirit __ The Sun __ The Moon __ Great Pumpkin

JotD: Traffic accident (PWH00009)

January 9 2020

There was a horrible automobile crash and the driver of the car lay on the side of the road dying. A passerby said to him kindly, “why don’t you say a prayer?”
“I don’t know any,” said the stricken man.
“Haven’t you had any contact with religion?”
“As a boy, we used to live next to a Catholic Church.”
“That’s it!” said the well-wisher. “Just repeat what you heard in the church!”
“Okay,” said the injured man. “Under the B-15! Under the I-22!”

JotD: Oy vey (PWH00008)

January 8 2020

Henry Cohen’s parents were not happy that he was not married by the age of 30 and they kept telling him so. He wanted to please his parents but couldn’t meet a nice girl. In desperation, he married a goyish prostitute.
His new wife’s friends worried because she had stopped showing up at her regular streetcorner, but one evening she appeared, in new clothing and fancy jewelry. Naturally, the friends were curious and she told them how she had married a nice Jewish boy.
“What about his parents?” they asked.
She answered, “They love me. After Henry told them about us, they had a party every evening for a week. They call it shiva.”