Last June, I went to my wife’s graduation ceremony for her Master’s degree, and the guest recipient of an honorary degree for that session was Jeffrey Kottler. I confess that I’m not sure if I had ever heard of him before that, although I vaguely remember seeing reference to his books in some “best of self-help” lists. As a speaker, he was amazing. He told a couple of stories about himself growing up, and about a woman who underwent a profound change in front of him, and in all of the examples he gave, he basically had an underlying double-edged message…first, that change can happen anywhere and second, he has studied it for a good part of his life and has no idea what really causes change.
His speech and approach to change were intriguing enough that I came back home and googled him, looking up some of his books on Amazon. And then promptly ordered “Change – What really leads to lasting personal transformation”. I got the book around mid-June and I jumped in, but I’ve been slowly reading a chapter here and a chapter there. It has tons of great info about some common elements to various approaches to understanding change and how to make change happen, or more accurately, how change happened in specific instances for others.
Even the preface is solid. He repeats what he said in the speech, namely that after centuries of study, none of the “experts” really know what’s going on with people as they change. However, generally speaking, making changes is easy; sustaining the change afterwards, i.e. maintaining the momentum is where the hard part begins.
As he gets started in Chapter 1, I found myself nodding to myself in a lot of places. First, and foremost, I love the idea that change is not about a cure for a problem but rather the process of overlaying new patterns over top of older ones…like building a city on other foundations. Sure, the metaphor breaks down if you talk about weak foundations, but it is more about covering up the other foundations, putting down new roads or paths overtop, and eventually, the new paths are the dominant ones.
The first chapter is filled with definitional issues, and I found one of them quite profound:
When does an alteration in attitudes, beliefs, behaviour, thinking, or feeling “count” as change, and how long does it have to last in order to qualify? What if there are reported changes in a person’s thinking or attitudes but no observable shift in behaviour?
For me, the answer seems simple…in reverse order, a change in thinking is enough to qualify for a “change” of sorts, a pre-requisite if you will for any future change to come, and it “counts” if it is sustainable on it’s own i.e. it embeds itself in your thinking without blowing it off or reverting back to the previous way you thought or approached things.
In the same vein, I find the scope of the initial chapter a little too large. It notes for example that there are “levels of change”, including attitude shift, experimenting with alternatives, rational skill development, external support, meaning-making, and even cognitive restructuring. For me, it is much simpler…a mental change, an attempt to try other approaches, finding an approach (mental or process) that works for you, and reinforcement of that initial mental change to “cement” the change. This is much closer to the general approach he outlines (desire for change, a situation that forces change, awareness, testing, and avoiding relapses), but I am not sure I agree about the “situation” that forces change. He makes a large emphasis on this in later chapters, but it doesn’t answer all the foundational issues in my view, so I’ll discuss more of that later.
What does change mean to you? Does temporary change count? Or only permanent, sustainable change?
I’ve got a working tracker finally going again, a two-part one that has my work stuff in a single page that I can work with by hand, and another that I had hoped to put on my tablet but then found out that Excel online/cloud/Android doesn’t allow form controls. Fortunately I did *not* spend hours and hours trying to make it work before discovering (a) it was overkill and (b) my tablet wouldn’t let me do it anyway. The page is still a bit tiny font to make it all fit on one page, haven’t solved that problem yet, although I have an idea or two.
The top part of my daily tracker has a full 27 items that I am tracking, and admittedly some of them are no brainers. Like using my sleep machine. They are part of my routine, but one of the frequent failures of trackers is they only track “new stuff” which is bound to have a lot of failures on it. Instead, I’ve learned enough from my reading and own experience on goals to know that some of the “quick wins” should also be listed as it helps balance the storyline. Counting, so to speak, what I’m already doing right and taking credit for it. But some of them are just simple stretch goals.
The bottom part is my developmental area, and ironically or at least coincidentally, it also has 27 items on it. Obviously those ones though are not ones that I’m going to do every day. Like photography learning, it might only be once in the week. But it’s on as a desire. And while the top section I’m trying to get closer and closer to 100% of my goals, the developmental ones are more about balance overall, and so working on even 30 or 40% of them in a week is likely to be considerable effort.
Looking at today, I would say I did about half of the routine ones, an off day, and only about 2% of the developmental ones. I did manage to do some work on finance (ordering my credit report, making some calls) and honey do list (dealing with tires at Costco). I even managed to get a bit of Xmas shopping done.
Not a bad day, not a great day, somewhere in between. Which I’m happy is simply something other than continual slippage.
So I posted yesterday that I’m sucking on my goals writ large, and I’m trying to find a carrot or a stick that will let me whip myself back into fighting shape and get back to working on them. Today marks 75 days left in the year to January 1st when I normally set my goals for the new year and take stock of the old year. I’m curious — if I work hard for 75 days, can I make some progress on my goals that will let me think that the year wasn’t a wasteland of slackerdom?
I’ve been struggling with a good tracker that will let me focus on some of the mechanical tick box items like making sure I make my lunch instead of buying it, take proper snacks for mid-morning and mid-afternoon, try to have breakfast with Jacob in the morning (I often end up showering while he has breakfast with Andrea), and get all of our collective butts where they need to be in a reasonable time in the morning. Equally though, I want to be able to make sure I’m tracking some of the “bigger” ticket goals when I have free time at lunch, or after supper, or on weekends.
Today I did okay, although I have no tracking metrics (so to speak) to validate my feeling. I handled the snacks and lunch thing for instance, and ticked off a few steps on the home front with booking an appointment for someone to look at part of the roof on Friday, rescheduling a dentist appointment to November, and with the help of crowdsourcing on Facebook, figured out where and what tires to buy for the winter. Which I did tonight.
Unfortunately, that is where my grand plans went sideways. I tried to use my MC to pay, and it was declined. I thought maybe I glitched the purchase, but no, still declined. Weird, I used it yesterday. Paid with interac instead, no biggie, got home, called MC. So about three months ago, they offered us a deal if we upgraded our cards. Which of course changed our numbers. Again, no biggie, and we could take our time switching over. Andrea did some basic triage of our past purchases to identify all the pre-authorized debits that had to be updated, and since they happen through-out the month, I hadn’t sat down to figure out which day of the month was the best to switch over to avoid having a problem with parking at work, or a half-dozen IT-related companies for example.
But they neglected to tell us that the old cards would stop working at 90 days, even if the new ones weren’t activated. Guess when the 90 days were up? Yep, yesterday at midnight. Colour me singularly unimpressed. Which I expressed to an agent and then a supervisor to ask PC Financial why they would deactivate the first card before the second was activated, since as of that moment, I was no longer their customer for the interim. Considering how much we pump through those cards, and that we have direct deposit of both our pay cheques to PC Financial, I kind of pointed out that ticking me off wasn’t in their best financial interest, which she agreed (she did do a nice obsequious impression of a fawning CSR). She verified there was nothing she could do about the now defunct card, and that nothing was scheduled to go through in their automatic history, but it did mean spending a lot more time than I wanted to tonight suddenly updating billing info on multiple accounts and services. It’s relatively organized, just time consuming. And I have to do parking at work tomorrow in person and on paper.
When I was just about done, there were two other changes I wanted to make on accounts, and lo and behold, they didn’t go through. WTF? I ended up calling again, working my way through to an agent, only to find out security had put a hold on the new card. Waited in the queue for them (surprisingly not long for either, just annoying) to find out that one of the transactions was declared “high risk” when they saw it. From Google. For my subscription to Entertainment Weekly. I pointed out to them Google was hardly a high risk, but whatever. He worked his way through it, unblocked it, all done. When he tried to explain the rationale, I told him bluntly I didn’t care, and if he didn’t unblock me soon, the account was walking out the door and he might want to look at the volume per year that goes through the account since we use it to pay for just about everything except our mortgage. When he looked at the account, suddenly he was a lot more helpful. I felt a little divaish, but they are making decent money off our business, I don’t feel like being “grateful” for the opportunity to use their services.
I confess I can also be a principled jerk with bad service for somewhere I go regularly. I won’t rant or rave or call them nasty names, I’ll just point out the size of the account and that I’m walking. I did that at Subway back when I was at CIDA. The guy was a tool who couldn’t do basic math and Subway has a system that defies basic logic most of the time. It’s actually relatively famous in franchise circles as being the least forgiving of systems for updates, and theoretically, the most fool-proof. I didn’t know that at the time, or I might have been a bit more forgiving, but the first time was when they had a special on, giant sign on the wall, I ordered it, and the resulting price was about $2 more than it should be. Not a big deal, but when I pointed it out, the guy got snippy and started suggesting I was trying to rip him off. Now, I was going to that Subway a couple of times a week for two years. Call it $25 a week, $1300 a year, $2500+ over two years. I pointed out his math, he tried to show me on a calculator and he got the right answer ($2 less than what he was charging me) and then he said the calculator was wrong. He could not accept his system was charging the full price, not the discount, because he wasn’t entering the special when he punched it in. And even still, no biggie, it’s $2, I don’t care. But then he started getting rude and aggressive, and that was when my principle kicked in. So I pointed out that I hoped his $2 was worth his attitude as I was now going to avoid his restaurant for 3 months. Which I did. And several times he saw me in the food court and wanted to chat to apologize, and I refused. Just waved and passed on by. Not my problem.
The second time was equally trivial. They sell cookies, 3 for $1.99. They also have an option for 12 for $4.99. One day about a year later, I was there and I thought I would take a dozen back to the office for a team meeting. I didn’t have much cash on me, but I had enough left to cover the $6 it would be with tax, so I bought a dozen. Rang it in, came up to over $9. I said, “That can’t be right, it’s only $4.99”. So he got huffy again and showed me…he rang in $1.99 and pressed enter 4 times i.e. 4 x $2 plus tax. I said, “Oh, sorry, no, it’s just the dozen price”. He saw it on the menu and then got rude telling me that it was the same price. I looked at him and said, “Okay, well keep your cookies. And remember last time you acted this way with me and I didn’t come in for three months? It will be six months this time.” He got really upset and started trying to apologize, offering me the cookies for free, and I just said, “Nope, sorry, I don’t like the way you do business. Your system is showing the wrong price and you can’t even be bothered to listen without getting rude. So I like the subs, they’re relatively healthy choices in a food court of terrible choices, but I’m out.”
I do the same regularly lots of places. I am a creature of habit and I will go the same place regularly, partly as I’m a strong blue. But once I have a bad experience, one where they aren’t simply wrong but aggressive or rude, they’re dead to me! I don’t care how good the place is or the price or the location, or whatever. They’re dead to me, Jerry, dead!
And I totally feel that way about PC Financial right now. This isn’t the first time they’ve messed up stuff on the credit card. I’ve had other experiences where they cancelled the card, I contacted them to find out why it’s not going through, they tell me “security flagged it”, security tells me there was some sort of breach, but they won’t give me any info about it or what happened or anything. Total BS, and I told them they had a choice last time. Either get it fixed fast or I walked. That was major strike 1, this is major strike 2.
We recently renewed our mortgage, and while they claim they have great rates, they weren’t even close to the ballpark of our existing bank or another one that was wooing us. And honestly, I simply wasn’t willing to trust them with a mortgage if they can’t get credit cards right. I know, I know, different groups, but still. One more strike and they’re dead to me!
So I just did a major amount of work tonight to fight to a standstill i.e. get me back to where I was the day before. I fixed a couple of small setup issues while I went (PayPal phone number info, switched another account from Visa to MC, etc.), so I’m a little ahead, but it sure ate up the night.
But I did get the tires all done, plus some medication from Costco for Jacob.
Not as much productivity as I would like, but more than I have been doing of late. I also made a shift on some career stuff, maybe I’ll talk about that a bit more tomorrow for Day 2 of the 75 remaining in 2016.
This is kind of a tough one. I am so far off my game it isn’t funny.
2016 – The Only Way Out Is Through
Goals
J
F
M
A
M
J
J
A
S
O
N
D
Current Status
Live Blue or Die!
Astronomy Moon Filters Photos
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Almost nothing for this year
Courses Video games Psychology
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Not much to date
Reading Kindle Unlimited Reading challenge
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
I might be a little unfair to myself on this one as I have finished a few books in there, mainly Stephanie Plum, a book about the music industry, some more CS Lewis, etc. but nothing that would go green, maybe just a few yellows in June or July perhaps
Writing Blogs HR Guide Non-fiction guide
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Not much happening as I had to move my blog and completely rebuild it on a new hoster
Photography Course Setup cards
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Crickets chirping, that’s what I hear
Reviews TV episodes Book reviews Season reviews Movie reviews
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
If it wasn’t for my reviews of TV premieres, it would have been red throughout
Organize New apps Redo bucket list Family passport
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Apps are working well, particularly for shopping, calendar, but not quite up to speed on personal to do yet.
Cyber Sort photos Scan photos Sort music Backup options
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Photo sites are up to date, and not bad on backups…nada for scanning or music
Honey do list Establish list One item per week
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Nada
Stick To The Knitting
Andrea Date nights out Game nights Family trip
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Nada
Jacob Boys nights Video games Summer excursions Sports “practice”
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Not much, regular “busts” between trying to find something we can do together vs. just things he likes to do on his own,,,he’s been enjoying golf the last month, so I guess that’s something
Website support Briargreen PS Astropontiac
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Astropontiac has been fine, albeit limited, and I did a bunch of work on Briargreen for a resource library, but not much else (nor have they asked, I guess)
Focus Your Energy, Be Prolific
Writing Fiction Posting Creativity challenge
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Very little, partly by the wipe-out of the website and the rebuild
Cooking Wings and sauces Mom’s recipes Dad’s baking Friend’s recipes
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Not much for the year, new baking attempts this month
Photobooks Year in review Targeted themes Astronomy
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Not sure what colour this one is as it is a mish-mash with the website which is fully up to date, some work on photos for Doug’s 90th birthday, etc. but not many actual books ordered
Be Bright, Be Bold, Be Direct
Stretching Muscle groups Yoga Chiro and massage
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Nada
Exercise Walking at lunch Martial arts kata Weekend excursions
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Bits and pieces, mostly nada
Career Re-certify french Publish guides
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Made a decision about my future, that’s about it, not enough to take it off red
Overall, well, I suck: 11 red, 5 yellow, and 2 green, albeit a bit generous. May through September was a wasteland of non-productivity, and it disgusts even me. I knew I was dropping, so I restarted seeing my counsellor. No clear answers as to what is going on with me, partly as the middle of September saw a sudden boost in approach, energy, etc. I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. For a week. Then I got a flu bug, which is par for the course for me. I need to recommit, but I’m working on a new tracking list hoping that somehow I can hold myself more accountable.
Fingers crossed, as I have no confidence in my ability to re-commit without a lot of luck. We’ll see how far I get.
Time Magazine ran an article recently on their site, but it originally showed up on a site called “Barking Up the Wrong Tree”. The article, This Is How To Be Productive Without Being Miserable: 8 Proven Secrets, was of interest to me because of how Time repackaged it for their site — “8 Ways to Be More Productive Without Feeling Like a Robot”.
It is one of the biggest challenges with To-Do lists and time management, and even goal-setting — the feeling that you have given control of your life over to mindless box-ticking, even when you are the one who set the boxes that would be ticked. The article says you don’t need help with knowing what to do, but rather more often than not, how to get going on it. I’m reading Jeffrey Kottler’s “Change” book, and it has similar thoughts early on in the text. The idea that something is holding you back. But I like the different approach here.
The changes in the article are relatively straightforward, and you can read the full list in the above link. Here are the pieces I liked that were a bit newer research areas.
Start the day happy — it has links to help you figure out how to start off the day in a good mood, as the momentum of the good mood far outweighs the drag of a bad mood. So find what helps improve your mood and do it first. Eat breakfast, get some annoying task out of the way as long as it won’t drag you down too much (i.e. if the bump of doing it and getting it out of the way is greater than the drag of doing it), avoid getting bogged down in email right away, etc. If you can, find something that will be later in the day that you’re looking forward to, or even better, PLAN for something to be later in the day to drag you through the morning mugwumps.
Stop worrying and make a plan or list. For me, this is the most important step. I actively do what is called “inbox zero” which is that I almost never have an inbox with more than a screen full of messages in it. If there is something to do from it, I note it on my to-do list, and move the email. So that what is left is actually things I’m going to do really soon i.e. usually before the end of the day. I also have a temp folder where I move stuff that I haven’t logged in my to-do list yet, but aren’t urgent so that I can do mass logging later. But by moving them out of my inbox and on to my list, I can then focus on managing my to-do list with priorities, timelines, groupings, etc. and NOT managing my inbox as a default pile of anxiety makers all saying “do me first”. The goal though is not about the to-do list or even managing your inbox — it’s to get it out of your head and on to paper so you don’t worry about it anymore;
Track your progress and NOTE it by having a “did it” list. I’m not great on this, but it does help a bit with longer-term tracking. For a while, I was trying to write notes to my boss each week to say “Quick update, here’s where we’re at, what got done, etc.”. It was overkill and I stopped, but the positive part was to say to the team, “Okay, this is done, moving on.”
Overall, a better than average round-up, hence why I’m sharing. Click on the original link for the full article.