goals – Page 62 – The PolyBlog

Nervous yet resolute

March 1 2016

So I have always had interesting sleep patterns. Bouts of insomnia, bouts of oversleeping. Frequently waking up with a sore jaw because I’m a grinder. But apnea wasn’t really on my list of likely causes of sleep problems. Mostly cuz I’m fortunate enough to share my bed with someone familiar with sleep apnea and I wasn’t showing the regular signs of jerking awake, obstructed breathing, making choking noises in my sleep, or even restless leg syndrome of twitching while sleeping. Sure, I occasionally snore, but more so when I ended up on my back than my usual side.

Last January (2015), I headed off though for a sleep study. Really I thought I was mostly grinding, but open to seeing what other problems I might have that caused me to sleep so badly. Andrea had done a sleep test years before, so I was open to it. However, in the pre-meeting with the doctor for the first time, I had a less than stellar beginning. I filled out the patient history forms, blah blah blah, the doctor calls me in, he hasn’t read through them yet, and he starts to go through them with me. Thirty seconds in he basically tells me 50% of people have sleep apnea, he thinks I have severe apnea and I should not only do the sleep test but I can go ahead and book an appointment with a CPAP vendor. Really? You haven’t even read my forms or done the test but you’re already giving me my diagnosis? Based on what — the fact that I’m fat? Really? He even as I was leaving suggested a specific vendor I should go to…something, by the way, that I know violates just about every ethical standard there is for medicine because it shows up regularly as a frustration for patients. Like when I needed someone to do stuff for Jacob and they were reluctant to tell me which doctor or private specialist to go see, preferring to just give us the list and let us choose. Yet this guy had no trouble pointing to one, nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

Whatever, I went to the sleep study. I figured these people would be more clinically detached. Nope, the woman basically told me as soon as I walked in that I had sleep apnea, would need a machine for the rest of my life, etc. Did the sleep test with half the night with no machines and half the night with constant air pressure. I couldn’t tell the difference honestly. Didn’t seem to make any difference at all.

In the end, I didn’t follow up and tried other stuff over the last year. We got a new mattress which helped. I stopped having caffeine most days after 4:00 p.m., and tried cutting back more generally. A few other things. When I follow the regime, it helps; then I get busy, fall into old habits, and it doesn’t work. However, I was at a massage the one day, and I kind of dozed off for part of it. And the RMT asked me afterwards if I have a CPAP machine or not, cuz I was definitely stopping breathing while I was dozing. Good to know. Another RMT told me the same thing. Again, good to know, and oddly enough, I trust both of them farther than I could throw the quack I saw in the first place.

Fast-forward to the new year, I’ve been thinking of redoing the test with someone else, and I found out that a friend had used a company called Inspiration Medic and was really finding it to work out well in getting the right fit for the masks, etc. Encouraging. Partly because most people I know who have stories about CPAP machines or mouth devices fall into one of two camps — either it did nothing for them, and there was virtually no impact (often because they couldn’t get the right settings, but might have also been misdiagnosed too) OR they think it’s the greatest invention of all time and can’t believe they didn’t do it earlier. Most people I know have been in the first camp. Mild improvements at best.

But with the encouragement that someone got it to work well with Inspiration Medic, I set up an appointment last week for this week, got the sleep clinic to send over the paperwork with the settings, and I went tonight.

Finding the right mask is always the biggest challenge, with air pressure settings often the secondary problem. In my case, I qualify for APAP which instead of “Constant” air pressure I get “Auto” i.e. it ramps up when I seem to need it, and ramps down when I don’t. It’s more expensive than CPAP (of course) so the government only funds APAP if you meet the medical criteria in the sleep test. Great — I sucked bad enough that I qualify for APAP!

Tried three masks tonight, got a loaner unit, all set up, and with the mask on, Andrea can’t even hear it. Nice little machine. So tonight will be the first night. I may not make it the whole night the first night wearing the gear, but I’ll try.

I’m nervous, but resolute. Onward for the path to improved sleeping, I hope!

Analysing my bucket list

February 20 2016

As I was doing my personal development goals for this year, and working on a new version of my personal development model, I started thinking about my very large bucket list and realizing that many of them are way too ambitious. I’m just not likely to do them all in my lifetime. Same for my long-term travel goals. I need to be a lot more realistic than I have been, and it’s time to start figuring out just what it is I want to do for my bucket list. After all, there are only 846 days to go before I turn 50, I’m not a spring chicken anymore. 🙂

Let’s see how I am doing though as I go through each of them one at a time…

Number	Goal	Status	Keep or Drop
COMPLETED
1	Own a house	Completed – June 2007	—
2	Finish my website	Completed – January 2011 (polywogg.ca, thepolyblog.ca)Completed – Revamped September 2015 (polywogg.ca)	—
3	See solar eclipse	Completed – Ottawa, 2008	—
4	Own my own telescope	Completed – June 2013	—
5	Live abroad for 3 months	Completed – New York City, 2008	—
6	Develop a Top-500 Books To Be Read list	Completed – Developed the list, 2008	—
7	Get married for love	Completed – September, 2008	—
8	Have a child	Completed – May 2009	—
9	Romance on a beach	Completed – September/October 2008	—
10	Help someone through university	Completed – 2005+	—
11	Rent a theatre	Completed – June 2007	—
12	See Beethoven’s Fifth performed live	Completed – National Arts Centre Pops Orchestra, 2006	—
13	Design a game	Completed – January 2014	—
14	Write a short-story	Completed – 2006+	—
15	Write a play	Completed – 2007	—
16	Learn to golf	Completed – Ottawa, 2007	—
17	Spelunking or cave tubing	Completed – Hawaii, September 2008	—
18	Climb a mountain	Completed – Gaspé. 2006	—
19	Swim under a waterfall	Completed – Hawaii, September 2008	—
20	Snorkle with sea turtles	Completed – Hawaii, October 2008	—
21	Ride in a helicopter</t d>	Completed – Hawaii, September 2008	—
22	Ride in a submarine	Completed – Hawaii, September 2008	—
23	See a volcano	Completed – Hawaii, September 2008	—
24	Eat tropical fruit under a tree	Completed – Hawaii, September 2008	—
IN PROGRESS
1	Read the Top-500 Books	Slowly working on reading the items, reading challenge set for this year	Keep
2	Write HR Guide	Sections have been completed in previous years, and major update and rewrite started in November 2015About 30% done (as of February 2016)	Keep
3	Write a novel	Preliminary work done on Year of the Gods, trackers developed	Keep
4	Compile cookbook of great recipes	Preliminary list startedTried to create “family” cookbook for Malcolms / Hortons but no interestFocus only on own recipes at this point	Keep
5	Weight goal	This really isn’t a very good “bucket list” type item. It is a goal, but not a one-off thing. More of an ongoing health commitment.	Drop
6	See free lions, pandas, alligators, penguins, polar bears, dolphins	I saw dolphins in October 2008Rest are heavily travel dependent, and those goals were incredibly unrealistic both in terms of physical capabilities, time, and resources	Drop
7	See Northern and Southern lights	I saw the Northern Lights in 2008, but not very clearly.Would like to see Northern Lights in extensive clear show.Southern Lights are travel dependent, and I don’t see any opportunities where that’s going to happen.	Drop
NOT YET COMPLETED
1	Make a garden	I confess I like the premise of this one. Something earthy, something back to nature about it. But I don’t really have the room in the backyard for it, nor any place else for one. Seems unlikely.	Drop
2	Design a house	On some level, I think this is about more creative than intellectual. I like the idea of doing a house, maybe just in lego even, that incorporates all the best features I would love to have in a house. But to what end? It’s not like I’m ever going to build it, or have the money to do so. An itch to scratch, but hardly important enough to sit on a shortened bucket list.	Drop
3	Have a cottage	The short version for this one is I would love to have a cottage but I can’t afford it. The only way this ever happens is if my writing career produces some cash, which I also don’t see happening to the level I would need to own a cottage. Saddens me to say, but this one won’t happen.	Drop
4	Learn photography	I’m keeping this one, but I don’t know if “learn” is the right verb. I’m not interested in winning awards, or even entering contests, or running a business. But I do want to be able to be good enough that I like some unique shots, particularly landscape, and where occasionally others would think it was borderline artsy. I have a few shots like that from the last couple of years, but more by happenstance than design.	Keep
5	Drive standard transmission	Interesting, but not important enough for a bucket list	Drop
6	Learn sign language	Attractive, but not important enough to me for my shortened bucket list, just more of a learning area.	Drop
7	See a meteor shower	When I compiled my earlier list, I thought meteor showers were really interesting and fascinating. Then I realized the reality is that most of them are complete busts. Lying on the ground looking up for what is often a streak every few minutes, rather than several a minute. If it happens, it happens, but hardly bucket list worthy.	Drop
8	Learn to knit	Like with sign language, this is an interesting skill to acquire, but more of an ongoing learning option rather than a bucket list item.	Drop
9	Learn to juggle	This is more of a one-off thing, not something I would likely use regularly, so not really a learning activity. Just not sure it will make my final bucket list, but I’m keeping it for now.	Keep (pending final list)
10	Learn origami	I have this as a bucket list item, for the “learn” side of things, but it is partly green for the relaxation side. I think it belongs more in my ongoing list than a bucket list.	Drop
11	Present to more than 1000 people	When I created the list, I thought this was a good scary goal. Blue, but more “red” for dynamic leadership. But I’m a blue, not a red. And I can reach my audience through my writing, I don’t need a room to do it in person.	Drop
12	Teach a course	Same as for the presentation. I’ll reach my audience through written form.	Drop
13	Genealogy research	I did some basic genealogy some time ago, and even collected some info on my dad’s side of the family. Apparently my uncle did a bunch on my mother’s side. I love the premise, I do, but none of the research interests me. Partly as I’m not very good at it either, maybe, but the easy stuff is fine and I’ll dig up some stuff on my grandfather. But I am far more interested in the life stories of J’s grandparents and great-grandfather than I am in the stuff farther back.	Drop
14	Send a letter in a bottle	Romantic almost, but hardly important enough for a bucket list commitment.	Drop
15	Read the Bible	This is already in my Top 500 list of books, so essentially duplicated here.	Drop
16	Attend a spiritual retreat	Not really me, I’m a loner not a joiner. So why would I do this where I’m alone with others? Like the premise but more a one-off thing for me to do by myself than a formal retreat.	Drop
17	Learn to dance	Based on lifestyle, physical shape, etc., I have no real need for this now or likely any point in the future. I can do basic stuff, good enough.	Drop
18	Learn to play a musical instrument	I honestly don’t know what instrument it would be…guitar maybe or some basic piano. I just don’t see myself making the time for this against the tons of other things I want to do with my life.	Drop
19	Attend Mardi Gras or NYE in Times Square-like event	This is a great one-off thing to do, and I like the premise. Maybe not on the scale of MG or NYE, but something smaller-scale would be fun.	Keep
20	Play Pai Gow poker in a casino	I love the premise, just don’t see myself ever investing the time or money to do this.	Drop
21	Have a movie extravaganza weekend	I’m going to keep this one. I keep planning on doing it, and even set aside some time once, but then did other things that weekend instead.	Keep
22	Watch Best Picture Oscar winners back to 1928	This is the visual alternative to the Top 500 books, seems doable.	Keep
23	Be a film extra	Fun, but hardly important enough to keep as bucket list item.	Drop
24	Make a movie	I love the idea, I really do. But the resource and time constraints seem unlikely to permit to do this the way I want to.	Drop
25	Read complete Shakespeare, Dickens	Already covered by the Top 500 list.	Drop
26	Write a screenplay	I originally thought I would go this route, but I’m more likely to focus on some fiction and non-fiction pieces. Not a priority.	Drop
27	Write a novella	This one strikes me more as a happy accident than a plan — if I write a short novel or really long short-story, it will be novella-length. No need to keep as separate goal.	Drop
28	Attend major sporting event	I liked the idea of this when I created the list … going to a Super Bowl, Grey Cup, Stanley Cup final, World Series, World Cup, etc. But the cost would be prohibitive, I just don’t care that much about the outcome to justify going. Maybe if Jacob wants to go to something he’s really passionate about. Otherwise? Probably not.	Drop
29	Attend hot air balloon festival	I’ve done the hot air balloon ride thing, this was more about going up with a whole bunch of other balloons. But not important enough to me to include in a revised and shortened bucket list.	Drop
30	Meditation	I’ve done the basics, and it is more linked to yoga and stretching now, calming the mind. Not really a bucket list item.	Drop
31	Slide down a firepole	Fun, yes; important, no.	Drop
32	Give blood	This one annoys me. I have tried a couple of times to give blood, and because I’m on blood pressure medication and reflux medication, no one has been able to tell me that I definitely CAN give blood or that I definitely CANNOT give blood. Given that I’m not a big fan of needles, etc., this is a major commitment for me to keep doing, and I’m annoyed that when I have got the courage up, the system failed me. I’m taking it off my bucket list, moving it just to my regular ongoing health stuff.	Drop
33	Skate Rideau Canal both ways	I don’t know if this is a true bucket-list-type item, but I’m keeping it. Mostly it is just a proxy for being able to be strong enough and fit enough to actually do it, but I’m keeping it.	Keep
34	Ride a dogsled	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
35	Whitewater rafting	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
36	Kayak a river	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
37	Go fly fishing	Something I really want to try sometime.	Keep
38	Rappel or use a zipline	Something I really want to try sometime. Okay, no, I really don’t, the whole “afraid of heights” thing, but I’m keeping it anyway.	Keep
39	Try surfing	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
40	Try rock climbing	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No. Plus, I’m nowhere near in good enough shape to do it.	Drop
41	Try snowboarding	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
42	Treetop sleeping	Something I really want to try sometime. Like having a treefort again.	Keep
43	Cross a rope bridge	The whole “afraid of heights” thing, and I have other height things.	Drop
44	Cage diving with sharks	Something I really want to try sometime. I’ve done a simple reef dive with sharks, but need bigger sharks.	Keep
45	Upgrade SCUBA certification	I love the premise, i.e. that I would upgrade and therefore use it, but I’d have to be able to be in a location or travelling often enough to use it. Not likely.	Drop
46	Take athletic trip	I’m not even entirely sure what this entailed. Hiking? Cycling? Kayaking? It was more a proxy than anything, that I would be in good enough shape to undertake such a trip. Not likely anytime soon, and not important enough to me to keep on the list.	Drop
47	Horseback riding	I love horses, I think there is something inherently majestic about them. But I’ve never gone horseback riding, in part because since I have had the money to go, I’m too fat for the horses (most people don’t know there is a weight limit at most horseback riding places, because it doesn’t apply to them, but there is a limit, and I’m over it). Plus not important enough to me to keep on the list.	Drop
48	Learn to sail	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
49	Learn to waterski	Something I really want to try sometime. I may completely suck at it, but I want to try.	Keep
50	Learn to play tennis	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
51	Learn a martial art	I can’t decide what to do with this one. It is a form of regular exercise proxy that I might actually do, but I’ve never found a form that really suited me. Ninjitsu was fun, but I’m not a Karate or TKD style person. Not sure about judo or jujitsu. Either way, not important enough to keep on a bucket list.	Drop
52	Learn archery	Something I really want to try sometime. I have wanted to ever since I was a kid. I had targets, did it a bit when I was younger. Always wanted to get back to it.	Keep
53	Learn to fence	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
54	Learn how to swim properly	This one could also say “skate” properly. I took some swim lessons a few years ago, but got sick almost immediately after starting. I am just not in good enough shape for it, and trying to swim while you’re completely congested sucks. I might take some lessons, but doesn’t need to be on the bucket list.	Drop
55	Milk a cow	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
56	Drive a convertible	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
57	Take a trip in an RV	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
58	Go houseboating	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
59	Ride in a gondola	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
60	Ride in an airboat	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
61	Take a cruise	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
62	Ride an elephant	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
63	See an iceberg	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
64	Visit a haunted house	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
65	Visit a castle	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
66	Ride on a tall ship	Fun, exciting, different? Yes. Important? No.	Drop
67	Travel to Territories, Grand Canyon, Galapagos, Ortona, Iceland, Scotland, Australia, New Zealand, Fiji, Egypt, Antarctica	I think I need to take these off my “bucket list” and just have a separate sub-list for places I want to go. I’m pretty sure this list is completely unworkable.	Drop

Well, that was a brutal undertaking!

2016 – the only way out is through

February 19 2016

My new personal development model is updated, and it looks like this:

After doing the analytical work to develop the model, setting my goals is almost anti-climactic, particularly for this year when I’m much more focused, less ambitious. Last year, my goal was to get me close to PolyWogg 4.0 with the theme that 2015 was the year I commit. Instead, it was closer to the year where I should have been committed.

I didn’t get to version 4.0, I’m not even sure I didn’t backslide at times to 1.0. I certainly don’t feel as confident starting the year as I did starting last year. Far less optimistic, far less hopeful, far more prudent, far more realistic. I’m going to battle this year just to maintain my current ground. I might make progress in small areas, but I also don’t want to just “hunker down” as I did for the last few months of 2015. But the only way out of my current funk is to fight my way through to the other side.

And so, to that end, here is my revised tracker for 2016 goals, which I will update for January and February at the end of February.

2016 – The Only Way Out Is Through

Goals

Current Status

Live Blue or Die!

Astronomy

Moon

Filters
Photos

Courses

Video games
Psychology

Reading

Kindle Unlimited
Reading challenge

Writing

Blogs
HR Guide
Non-fiction guide

Photography

Course
Setup cards

Reviews

TV episodes
Book reviews
Season reviews
Movie reviews

Organize

New apps
Redo bucket list
Family passport

Cyber

Sort photos
Scan photos
Sort music
Backup options

Honey do list

Establish list
One item per week

Stick To The Knitting

Andrea

Date nights out
Game nights
Family trip

Jacob

Boys nights
Video games
Summer excursions
Sports “practice”

Website support

Briargreen PS
Astropontiac

Focus Your Energy, Be Prolific

Writing

Fiction
Posting
Creativity challenge

Cooking

Wings and sauces
Mom’s recipes
Dad’s baking
Friend’s recipes

Photobooks

Year in review
Targeted themes
Astronomy

Be Bright, Be Bold, Be Direct

Stretching

Muscle groups
Yoga
Chiro and massage

Exercise

Walking at lunch
Martial arts kata
Weekend excursions

Career

Re-certify french
Publish guides

Onward in the quest…

My blue goals for 2016

February 19 2016

Not surprisingly, I spent most of my time on the draft model thinking about the “blue” stream. As I said earlier, I had hoped for more comments about the model to get me thinking, refining, riffing off other people’s ideas, but that didn’t happen much. I did benefit a lot from one friend’s comments in particular and it helped me crystallize what the blue stream means to me, so thanks AG!

It’s probably more granular than I need it to be, but I would see it having six streams that probably collapse into three:

A learning stream that combines basic intellectual processes with a sense of curiosity, expanding out through exploration and knowledge accumulation, and culminating in applied, directed learning with a strong analytical component (since we’re in blue, it might be more “creative” if it was in yellow, I suppose);
A communications stream that is basic communication, self-expression in a variety of forms, and more applied comms skills like languages…I suspect there is a more “applied” comms category that would encapsulate some of the yellow forms of communication too (singing, art, crafts, dance, etc.) but for me it is probably mostly language at the top level (my blog would be the self-expression form, I suppose); and,
A self-control stream that combines self-possession / relaxation / stability to give a strong core base, some self-esteem + calming techniques + routine in one’s life, and finally culminating in self-confidence, advanced centreing, and ultimately increased “order” to one’s life. I suspect a lot of people would put the relax / de-stress / peace / calm elements in “green” for earthiness, yellow for inner peace, or red for directing one’s energy, but for me it is primarily about ordering the mind, and hence blue.

Category	TIER ONE (Basic Needs)	TIER TWO (Developmental Needs)	TIER THREE (Self-Fulfillment Needs)
Blue (Intellect, analytical, learning, organization)	Essential cognitive skills Curiosity Ability to communicate Stability Self-possession Relaxation	Knowledge, understanding Exploration Self-expression Routine Self-esteem Calming	Analytical skills Applied learning Language skills Order, organization Self-confidence Centreing

Blue is my go-to energy, the one that both gives me energy and energizes me as I’m using it. The perpetual battery for introverted analytical-types. That’s me. And the more I have moved to the “centre” to balance blue, red, yellow and green, the more dissonance there has been with my true self. I’m a blue. I’ve always been a blue. It’s my core, my strength, my claim to fame and my passion. It’s time I embraced my full blue self.

While Kermit may sing about it not being easy being green, being blue for me is like falling off a couch. Point out a situation, and I’m already analyzing it, including why you pointed it out. I’m fast, I’m analytical and intuitive, and I’m damn good at it. Of course, being blue blinds you to some insights from green/red/yellow approaches, but focusing on them has also diminished the quality and productivity of my blue side. In terms of bases, my blue is rock-solid for the learning and communications streams, definitely in Tier Three most of the time. However, the self-control stream has taken some hits in recent years. Probably because it is the least interesting of the three streams, the most mechanized, the most drudgery-filled form of work. Lists, tracking, review, more lists. B-O-R-I-N-G! 🙂

This means for every activity I do in the self-control stream, I will reward myself with activities in the other two. Plus, overall, I want to have at least have one blue for each of the other colour’s priorities i.e. I have three priorities for each of the other three for a total of nine, meaning I have room for nine blue priorities, with no more than three in self-control and six in the other two streams.

I am keeping my astronomy interest going. I didn’t get as far as I would have liked last year, but I did manage to get the tracking mostly fixed. This year, my focus is expanding my skills for the moon, using filters, and taking some astrophotos (moon, planets and globular clusters). Basically, taking my skills from basic to medium in the applied learning stream.

I am also going to complete two online courses this year — the one I am already doing for Understanding Video Games, and I have some ideas how to better access the content for that in my schedule, and then on to the Psychology course. I haven’t been prioritizing it the way I should, but I have hope this will be a nice addition to the applied learning stream.

I have installed Kindle Unlimited on my tablet, and I have set myself an ambitious reading challenge for the year. 26 authors, 26 books or groups of books. I am not sure how I will finish them all this year, but I’ll see what I can accomplish.

For the communications stream, I am going to write a LOT. Some blog, some for books (HR Guide plus additional volumes). While a lot of this looks like “yellow” creativity, there is also a LOT of blue energy involved in researching, organizing, analyzing, developing a structured framework to explain my point of view.

Similarly, while it may look like creativity in yellow, my photography skills need more attention this year. I really want to get the basics down for certain types of landscape photography, including for water. I took some nice shots this past year, and I quite like them, but only a handful would make my portfolio of anything resembling art.

I’m going to count another aspect of communications and writing separately from the first one, and that is my reviews of TV episodes and books. I like the format, and process, that I have now for each, and I’m going to keep adding them to my blog. They’re a bit different from the other writing though, hence why I am counting it separately.

For the self-control stream, some of it already addressed on the physical side (red) with yoga and stretching. As such, my three priorities here are a little tighter in focus on the mechanical aspects. First and foremost, I’ve switched over to a new organizer/app that I can run on multiple computers, tablets and phones, and it will always be live and synchronized. Will it keep me organized for calendars, tracking, and finances? Only time will tell, but I’m using part of it already more than I was, compliments of two new apps (Sunrise for a calendar and TickTick for the todo list). I need to redo my bucket list to be a much more practical, prudent list for example, and I think I’ll be able to include it in the app.

On the cyber front, my two big things for the coming year are going to be organizing my photo and music collections and setting up a good reliable backup system.

Last but not least, I’m going to set up my “honey-do” list finally. I’ve managed it in multiple forms, but it’s time I set it up clearly and unreservedly and set myself a goal of doing at least one thing off it a week. I’ve got a good start on the basic form of it, but I need to prioritize better.

So that’s all of the list, just need one more thing. My slogan. Something strong and provocative as it is my saving energy. How about: Live Blue or Die! 🙂

My green goals for 2016

February 19 2016

I spent a bit of time thinking about the green sections, the “emotion” side for intuitive introverts, after I had finished the draft model. It wasn’t really “singing” to me. I reworked it below to focus on three streams — one for family, one for the intellectual outward-facing side (?) of emotion leading to spiritualism, and one that is more about community. I don’t know if it is quite the right model, but it works better for me than the previous one.

One of my big items in the last year was connecting more with Jacob, and I wish it had gone better. I had hoped that Jacob would be interested in “big” event style evenings where we did a project or something together, maybe crafts, something. But that wasn’t really grabbing the cub’s attention. He did like helping me build some shelving, but that was the exception rather than the rule. Instead, we’ve settled into a bit of a father/son routine going out for dinner once a week while Mom does other stuff, often to some place like Lone Star. My favorite memory of the past year was sitting at the bar with him, having fajitas, and he was watching a hockey game or something while listening to the music, and he was bobbing his head, just rocking out to the tunes while we sat there. We chat about his day, eat some good food, and I let him play on his (or my) tablet when he’s done while we’re waiting for bills and things. Not the active event I was hoping for, but it’s something. He has also upped his abilities for playing video games, so I got him started on the Playstation One games that I have, of which he really likes the racing games. I’m trying to get him more into “first person” adventures like Crash Bandicoot as that will open up some other things we can do together too, but we’re both having fun just playing. I’m also constantly amazed by his abilities to integrate information from multiple sources, pull it back out of his head, and drop it into conversations at the right moment. Not to mention hearing my own limited teachings about sports parroted back to me, often right on cue. My son, the analytical sponge.

The other item was for supporting Andrea while she finished her Masters in Education, and I think we’re both glad she’s done (her obviously more so than me!). But we’ve also drifted somewhat in the last year too. Somewhat because of the M.Ed., some because I’ve been doing more on social media for reviewing TV episodes etc. and we haven’t been watching anything together. I think we’ll probably have to make more effort to schedule things like game nights, maybe even (gasp) go for lunch together once in awhile since we work in the same building. It’s nice to have her back in the car for the morning commutes. But I’ve also drifted in the last year too much on food preparation, she’s been doing almost all of it. I get the groceries, and make sandwiches / chop veggies for lunches, but dinner has been mostly her. Mainly because she gets home an hour before I do and by the time I’ve driven home at night, I’d like to sit and decompress for a bit before diving into anything. And the fact that it’s easy to let her do it, particularly with all the new Epicure recipes in the last few months. We’ve been going for NAC outings, but I think we may have to start scheduling more outings just the two of us, maybe even once a month. Hedonistic self-indulgence, I know!

Andrea and Jacob are also my lifeline for connectedness. With isolation from friends and extended family, as I discussed in the yellow goals post, they’re the only proof that I’m not a budding sociopath. While I can’t “use” them to compensate for my social deficits, they do help me pull my head out of my ass often enough to be sociable. But, like most dominant blues, I find green energy both rewarding / supportive AND draining / exhausting. I like going home to Peterborough, visiting with the in-laws etc., but Christmas was exhausting. I just could not keep up the pace of social interaction, and it wasn’t that high, but I frequently had to absent myself to the bedroom to just disconnect and read/relax. Which is partly why I took this week off too. I needed a week just mostly to myself to get my blue energies going again. Honestly, I probably need a month, but I’ll have to settle for a week for now. The sense of ennui that has enveloped me for the last three or four months was starting to look like low-grade depression, and I have struggled to get my focus back.

Category	TIER ONE (Basic Needs)	TIER TWO (Developmental Needs)	TIER THREE (Self-Fulfillment Needs)
Green (Connections, emotion, family)	Family Awareness, tolerance Environment	Affection, extended family Morality, lack of prejudice Acceptance, affiliation, connectedness	Love, intimacy Spiritualism Community, respect by others

But it has slowly returned. And while I held off on my “slogan” for the red and yellow until the end of the post, the overall message that keeps ringing in my ears for green is a very simple “stick to the knitting” metaphor. Jacob and Andrea are my core priorities, really my only priorities. So I’m probably somewhere between Tier One and Tier Two overall, not fully reaching Tier Three on all aspects yet.

We’re hoping to take a trip sometime this summer, hopefully out West or North, but we’ll have to see how Jacob’s schedule works out for that (he might have some procedures done that would limit walking for a spell, so we might be in need of a staycation). So, I can’t quite commit to that one.

For community, I still maintain the website for Astropontiac and sit on the board, but there’s not much to do for that. I’ve also taken on web support for the school council for the cub’s school since Andrea does the newsletter. It isn’t much work, a few updates here and there in WordPress, but it’s something. I mentioned earlier (in the yellow post) that I killed my big “awareness” campaign for last year, and not planning one for this year either. Web stuff is a good role for a blue introvert, and I can even do all of it by email, no in-person interactions required! Plus it is time-shiftable, mostly. I had thought about doing something too around “charity hacks” or fund-raising via a polar plunge, but those are not likely to ever happen, and I’m taking them off the list.

So, three priorities again:

Reconnecting with Andrea;
Boys nights out with Jacob; and,
Website support for BGPS and Astropontiac.

Not getting too ambitious and overtaxing myself. Core priorities, nothing more, nothing less. Sticking to the knitting.

The PolyBlog

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Tag Archives: goals

Nervous yet resolute

Analysing my bucket list

2016 – the only way out is through

My blue goals for 2016

My green goals for 2016